Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know of jobs which allow you to work 8/9-2/3 and only when your kids are in school. Aside from teaching or part time admin I can't think of anything.

I'd agree with you that it is selfish for someone to fritter away money all day so their kids have to take out college loans, but don't pretend there are tons of jobs with hours that align with parents who have chosen to make themselves available when their kids are out of school.

Certainly not "meaningful jobs". Yes, I might find part time work at Target/Fast food/etc. But once you are 5-7 years out of the workforce (and perhaps living in a different location than when you were meaningfully employed before kids), there are not many jobs with those hours. Also, jobs that give you the school breaks off so you can spend time with your kids.
Even if your partner is only making $200K, majority of your salary goes to taxes. So there has to be a true cost benefit analysis to whether working is worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

It is not your mom’s responsibility to pay for your college. She can live her life. I think this is incredibly selfish to expect your mom to work for years to serve you into adulthood.

Wow, great attitude.

We are paying for much of our kids' college because, well, we actually love our kids.

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

It is not your mom’s responsibility to pay for your college. She can live her life. I think this is incredibly selfish to expect your mom to work for years to serve you into adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

This isn’t the SAHM fault. Why isn’t it a law that married people can share their names on a 401k? All other assets from the marriage are usually considered joint property.

I think it's the same logic as to why the company paycheck is not made out to the married couple but to the employee only. The 401K is a company perk, not a couple perk. Of course by law it is a marital asset just like the paychecks earned during marriage are. But that is for the divorce lawyers to settle if it comes to that.

But pay checks, written out to the employee, are put into whatever account the employee designates, including joint accounts. The same should be done with retirement accounts. Its not like every company out their holds the 401K. They transfer the money to larger financial institutions like Fidelity and Vanguard. There is no reason employees shouldn't have the option to make these accounts joint.

I will add that I've found with our health insurance that only I have access to all of the billing info when we've had insurance through my employer, and only my partner has access to all of billing info when we've had insurance with his company. We've kept the same insurance plan over the years (Kaiser), but who Kaiser gives full access to depends on whose employer provides the health insurance. It makes zero sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

You should’ve gone to a state school.

The cost was the same. I had a scholarship. I still had to pay their share and was not eligible for grants. I maxed out public loans but had to pay the deficit with high-interest private loans. I did the math. Transferring would not have saved money and would have me in college longer and cost more because 15 credits were not transferable. I was already a year into college when my parents stopped paying (I was already taking out loans)…,there was a deficit due to their income. I literally sat down with the public university financial aid office….it was not cheaper to transfer due to my partial scholarship. You do not understand college financial aid and how it works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

You could have gone to community college and then transfer to public university; also work in the summer. But I bet you spent 4 years partying in college and accumulated all this debt. Irresponsible of you.

Public school would have cost as much, moron. I had a private scholarship. The cost was the same. I looked into it as a 19-year-old. Expecteed family contribution is the same no matter what college you attend. You do not understand financial aid. I did not drink until I was 21. I worked 30 hours a week in college, had no friends, could not afford to go to the dentist or optometrist for several years. The interest rate on private loans was 9%. That ballooned the debt. I finished college a semester early at 21 working my ass off. Screw you and your assumptions.

So you can be SAHM, not work and be sanctimonious because your husband makes seven figures? Lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ll, people just prioritize different things. Your friend prioritizes being home with kids over paying for college. I don’t think it’s selfish or not. I definitely don’t personally find any good reason why a woman would stay home bar a child with severe disabilities (even the ones w 7 figure husbands, but it doesn’t matter what I think. Every person gets to make their own life choices and set their own priorities.

I still have young kids so I stay home. My Dh works an inflexible job and long hours to earn that seven figures.

I plan to go back to work in some capacity when kids are in school full time.

I find it sad that your husband makes you do everything for the kids.

I never said I do everything for the kids. We have 3 young kids and they keep me plenty busy. Dh is a very involved parent. He takes kids to sports and activities if he makes it home and always on weekends. Or he will stay home with 1-2 kids when I take a kid out.

I know not everyone has the same financial resources. My point was that if our family needed the money, I would absolutely work. It just seems irresponsible to not work when you can’t afford to send your kid to college or have retirement savings.

Anonymous wrote:I think social security should pay for up to 2 childrens 4 yr college tuition for each sahm.

Social Security already gives SAHMs a spousal benefit of 50%, which is an annuity worth close to $800k, depending on interest rates.

I think social security should pay for up to 2 childrens 4 yr college tuition for each sahm.

I think you should take your husband’s seven figure salary and go mind your own business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

This isn’t the SAHM fault. Why isn’t it a law that married people can share their names on a 401k? All other assets from the marriage are usually considered joint property.

I think it's the same logic as to why the company paycheck is not made out to the married couple but to the employee only. The 401K is a company perk, not a couple perk. Of course by law it is a marital asset just like the paychecks earned during marriage are. But that is for the divorce lawyers to settle if it comes to that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ll, people just prioritize different things. Your friend prioritizes being home with kids over paying for college. I don’t think it’s selfish or not. I definitely don’t personally find any good reason why a woman would stay home bar a child with severe disabilities (even the ones w 7 figure husbands, but it doesn’t matter what I think. Every person gets to make their own life choices and set their own priorities.

I still have young kids so I stay home. My Dh works an inflexible job and long hours to earn that seven figures.

I plan to go back to work in some capacity when kids are in school full time.

I find it sad that your husband makes you do everything for the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

This isn’t the SAHM fault. Why isn’t it a law that married people can share their names on a 401k? All other assets from the marriage are usually considered joint property.

I don't see what the big deal is with the 401K being in the husband's name. in the case of divorce the 401K is a marital asset and split.

It’s not a huge deal. It’s more the principle of the matter. Would you want your primary residence only in the name of your spouse? Sure, your husband can give you the log in and you can perform trades, transfer money etc. But it’s not your money. To make it your money, you’d need to get divorced and have the assets transferred into your name.

I agree its inconvenient, annoying, and 1950s-esque. I was responding to the idea that SAHPs don't have retirement when it's all in their partner's name.

I mean they kind of don’t have retirement. They are relying on their spouse’s retirement. Technically the spouse could have all of the minimum distributions sent to a bank account in his name and the DW would have no legal claim to prevent this. Really the only way to truly have control over a spouse’s retirement is to get divorced.

Personally I wouldn’t be thrilled if I stayed home and raised his kids and supported a man’s career to later discover his retirement funds are only in his name.

I generally understand the criticism to mean that SAHPs don't have a financial plan for retirement when in fact SAHPs do have retirement planned for in accounts in their spouse's names. Until companies change their 401k policies, what do you recommend SAHP do with the current system? IRA limits won't get you what you need for retirement. Brokerage accounts don't have the same tax benefits. Work only so they have complete control over an account with part of their retirement?

If in retirement my partner kept minimum distributions in accounts I couldn't access, yeah, I'd divorce them just like I'd divorce them if they started putting their paycheck in accounts only they could access.

most people do t save anything for college. i grew up lower middle class and my parents saved nothing.

i didn’t realize saving for college was a thing until i started working with affluent people.

my brother and i got scholarships and financial aid and graduated debt free.