Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's picky, she picks at her food, everything is too hot or too cold or too medium, she likes things one day and then not the next, she likes a food and then doesn't like how it's prepared. She complains constantly that she is hungry but then won't eat the food I give her. Part of it is that I do want her to eat healthy foods (if it were up to her she would simply eat baked goods for every meal, the occasional berry, no vegetables, and no proteins). We are not overly restrictive about anything. I read all the stuff about picky eating and do all the stuff you are supposed to do, including:

- composing meals that involve mostly familiar foods, including at least one I know she'll eat, in small portions
- Inviting her to cook with us and be active in preparing meals
- Making meals colorful and inviting
- Not pressuring her to eat anything, not having any banned foods
- Never talking about food as good or bad
- Never bribing her to eat
- Trying to make meals playful and fun
- Providing a shelf with a variety of healthy snack options for self-serve

And so on and so on. I'm so tired. All I hear all day long is "I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry." I feel like 90% of my mental capacity is focused on trying to feed her. I'm waaaaaay passed trying to get her to eat meals with us (she simply will not, she won't eat cooked food, combined foods, anything with meat, any vegetables at all -- we tried this forever and every meal was an exhausting battle because she'd sit and and cry and refuse to touch anything on her plate). I don't do short order cook but I prepare meals from the set of foods she has been known to eat and then try to gently mix in new foods as we go to expand horizons.

But none of this has eliminated the food battles. Today she complained about wanting food literally from the moment she got up until I was tucking her into bed. Every meal I served her, she ate the one thing I knew she'd eat (a muffin, strawberries, some apple sauce), picked at the rest and complained. She told me she was hungry at bedtime so I let her have a piece of bread with butter but I'm honestly angry about it because I don't want my kid to be hungry but WHY IS SHE HUNGRY I DEDICATED MY WHOLE DAY TO FEEDING HER.

Just why. I cannot. I can't take the combination of refusing to eat everything but complaining constantly about being hungry. What the heck am I supposed to do here.

As someone who has parented a kid with a pretty severe eating issue, the bolded things are not what most people who work with children with feeding challenges recommend.

Here is what we've been told.

1) Meals and snacks are offered on a predictable schedule, and the options for the child to pick between are chosen by the adult. Self-selecting and self-serving snack items is very much not recommended. Kids need to arrive at meals hungry and not starving. When they complain about being hungry you say "Snack time is coming soon." you don't give food in that moment.

2) Meals aren't plated. Things are served family style. So, the "small portions" doesn't apply since that assumes an adult is plating the food.

3) Serve a variety of food. Include at least one food your kid has willingly eaten before. Not many foods, and not always a favorite food. Serve food "considerately" in that you offer pasta before the sauce is put on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid eats:
PB&J
Pasta that he dips in hummus
Bacon
Yogurt with granola
Apples (2-4 per day)
Chicken nuggets
Raw baby spinach
Quesadilla
Cheese and crackers
Pizza
Cantaloupe
mango
cucumber slices
Muffins
Toaster waffles

That’s pretty much it. No burgers or hot dogs. No sandwiches.
No sauces on food. No dipping sauce except hummus.
Ped says he eats too many food for feeding therapy. We just let him eat from his rotation. On the bright side - he can and will eat the same thing every day. When we were home for the early pandemic, he ate PB&J, apple slices, and milk for lunch every day from mid-March until the end of June. 7 days a week. When he was 3 or 4, I made him Annie’s Mac and cheese every day for 6 months.

OP here. My kid is similar but the list is similar. It's more like:

PB&J
Mac & cheese (sometimes, only if from the box)
Yogurt with fruit and/or granola
Apples
Berries
Cheese and crackers (sometimes won't eat the cheese)
Muffins (any baked good really)
Toaster waffles
Corn (sometimes)
Mangos (in a smoothy)
Bananas (in a smoothy)
Citrus fruit (definitely in a smoothy, and sometimes also on its own)
Rice
Beans (sometimes)

No veggies, no pizza, no quesadillas, and the proteins are soooo limited. She does drink milk so that helps a bit, but I have been getting worried that she may have lactose intolerance issues because she complains of digestive issues frequently.

Not sure if this is limited enough for intervention. But still interested to know what an intervention would look like.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is 5.

Those of you suggesting it's ARFID -- can this be diagnosed even if she is a healthy weight and following a healthy growth pattern? She's never been underweight (or overweight -- always just right at the 50% target for weight/height) and has no signs of anemia or malnutrition. She definitely has signs of anxiety around meals/food though. And the symptom about "vague complaints about digestive issues" is spot on. She often talks about her stomach hurting but there's never any clear cause except occasionally needing to go to the bathroom. But yeah, I hear "my tummy hurts" probably 4 or 5 days a week.

I will talk to the pediatrician about this, but just out of curiosity, what does treatment for ARFID look like? Is it something you medicate or is it just behavioral therapy? Just wondering if there are things I could now that could help, in case it takes a while to get a diagnosis or we don't get one. I'm definitely at a point of desperation.

Anonymous wrote:She's picky, she picks at her food, everything is too hot or too cold or too medium, she likes things one day and then not the next, she likes a food and then doesn't like how it's prepared. She complains constantly that she is hungry but then won't eat the food I give her. Part of it is that I do want her to eat healthy foods (if it were up to her she would simply eat baked goods for every meal, the occasional berry, no vegetables, and no proteins). We are not overly restrictive about anything. I read all the stuff about picky eating and do all the stuff you are supposed to do, including:

- composing meals that involve mostly familiar foods, including at least one I know she'll eat, in small portions
- Inviting her to cook with us and be active in preparing meals
- Making meals colorful and inviting
- Not pressuring her to eat anything, not having any banned foods
- Never talking about food as good or bad
- Never bribing her to eat
- Trying to make meals playful and fun
- Providing a shelf with a variety of healthy snack options for self-serve

And so on and so on. I'm so tired. All I hear all day long is "I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry." I feel like 90% of my mental capacity is focused on trying to feed her. I'm waaaaaay passed trying to get her to eat meals with us (she simply will not, she won't eat cooked food, combined foods, anything with meat, any vegetables at all -- we tried this forever and every meal was an exhausting battle because she'd sit and and cry and refuse to touch anything on her plate). I don't do short order cook but I prepare meals from the set of foods she has been known to eat and then try to gently mix in new foods as we go to expand horizons.

But none of this has eliminated the food battles. Today she complained about wanting food literally from the moment she got up until I was tucking her into bed. Every meal I served her, she ate the one thing I knew she'd eat (a muffin, strawberries, some apple sauce), picked at the rest and complained. She told me she was hungry at bedtime so I let her have a piece of bread with butter but I'm honestly angry about it because I don't want my kid to be hungry but WHY IS SHE HUNGRY I DEDICATED MY WHOLE DAY TO FEEDING HER.

Just why. I cannot. I can't take the combination of refusing to eat everything but complaining constantly about being hungry. What the heck am I supposed to do here.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is 5.

Those of you suggesting it's ARFID -- can this be diagnosed even if she is a healthy weight and following a healthy growth pattern? She's never been underweight (or overweight -- always just right at the 50% target for weight/height) and has no signs of anemia or malnutrition. She definitely has signs of anxiety around meals/food though. And the symptom about "vague complaints about digestive issues" is spot on. She often talks about her stomach hurting but there's never any clear cause except occasionally needing to go to the bathroom. But yeah, I hear "my tummy hurts" probably 4 or 5 days a week.

I will talk to the pediatrician about this, but just out of curiosity, what does treatment for ARFID look like? Is it something you medicate or is it just behavioral therapy? Just wondering if there are things I could now that could help, in case it takes a while to get a diagnosis or we don't get one. I'm definitely at a point of desperation.

Anonymous wrote:Look into feeding therapy, OP. You may want to find a therapist familiar with https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/arfid

Get some intervention now, for your sake and because kids can't grow properly with so little protein. Having a professional involved will relieve some of the stress on you and keep it from being a battle.

The Helpline at the link above may be able to give you some names in the area, or your pediatrician.

Good luck! It is really hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- Breaded and browned chicken tenderloins

- Marinated and grilled chicken tenderloins

- Rib eye steak

- Spaghetti

- Creamy pasta with shredded chicken

Do you cook foods like this for dinner? We still do, DD age 10

I make stuff like that daily (OP here). My DD would not touch it with a ten foot pole. I don't understand what the suggestion is here... the problem isn't that I don't serve her healthy or protein-rich foods. It's that she will not eat them.

Anonymous wrote:She's picky, she picks at her food, everything is too hot or too cold or too medium, she likes things one day and then not the next, she likes a food and then doesn't like how it's prepared. She complains constantly that she is hungry but then won't eat the food I give her. Part of it is that I do want her to eat healthy foods (if it were up to her she would simply eat baked goods for every meal, the occasional berry, no vegetables, and no proteins). We are not overly restrictive about anything. I read all the stuff about picky eating and do all the stuff you are supposed to do, including:

- composing meals that involve mostly familiar foods, including at least one I know she'll eat, in small portions
- Inviting her to cook with us and be active in preparing meals
- Making meals colorful and inviting
- Not pressuring her to eat anything, not having any banned foods
- Never talking about food as good or bad
- Never bribing her to eat
- Trying to make meals playful and fun
- Providing a shelf with a variety of healthy snack options for self-serve

And so on and so on. I'm so tired. All I hear all day long is "I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry." I feel like 90% of my mental capacity is focused on trying to feed her. I'm waaaaaay passed trying to get her to eat meals with us (she simply will not, she won't eat cooked food, combined foods, anything with meat, any vegetables at all -- we tried this forever and every meal was an exhausting battle because she'd sit and and cry and refuse to touch anything on her plate). I don't do short order cook but I prepare meals from the set of foods she has been known to eat and then try to gently mix in new foods as we go to expand horizons.

But none of this has eliminated the food battles. Today she complained about wanting food literally from the moment she got up until I was tucking her into bed. Every meal I served her, she ate the one thing I knew she'd eat (a muffin, strawberries, some apple sauce), picked at the rest and complained. She told me she was hungry at bedtime so I let her have a piece of bread with butter but I'm honestly angry about it because I don't want my kid to be hungry but WHY IS SHE HUNGRY I DEDICATED MY WHOLE DAY TO FEEDING HER.

Just why. I cannot. I can't take the combination of refusing to eat everything but complaining constantly about being hungry. What the heck am I supposed to do here.

Anonymous wrote:I would give one warning then empty the unwanted plate straight into the garbage can and tell her no food until breakfast. Or wrap it and it becomes breakfast. Stop battling with her. If doing this causes her to lose weight then she has an eating disorder. Healthy kids will not starve themselves.