Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three years? And I'd bet she wasn't the only one.

Kick him out.

I bet she was.

You weren't, sorry. You were played too.

Anonymous wrote:This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think concerns about something bad happening if the betrayed spouse ratted out the OW to her own spouse are overblown. I know it happens, but I think for most people its highly unlikely Most people who have affairs are just regular people who made bad decisions, not sociopaths.

So that (coupled with my belief that people have a right to know who they are sleeping with) is why if I found out my husband was sleeping with a married woman, I'd tell her husband.

Anonymous wrote:This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think concerns about something bad happening if the betrayed spouse ratted out the OW to her own spouse are overblown. I know it happens, but I think for most people its highly unlikely Most people who have affairs are just regular people who made bad decisions, not sociopaths.

So that (coupled with my belief that people have a right to know who they are sleeping with) is why if I found out my husband was sleeping with a married woman, I'd tell her husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

My DH had an affair with a married woman. When he broke it off she went nuts and did a few disturbing things that made us realize she was capable of doing a lot more damage. I was sooo tempted to call her DH. I don’t know if he knows, but I really don’t want to find out what this psycho woman is capable of if I tell him. She’s married with two young kids! I guess she thought my DH was her ticket out of that marriage. In any case, she deserves to be exposed and I hope the rest of her life is as miserable possible. I’m going to trust karma to take care of that and protect myself and kids from any more of her insanity.

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

This is the worst kind of circular logic. It’s not OP who would be changing those kids’ lives, it’s the crappy choices made by the AP (their mother). OP has every right to tell the truth.

I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

My DH had an affair with a married woman. When he broke it off she went nuts and did a few disturbing things that made us realize she was capable of doing a lot more damage. I was sooo tempted to call her DH. I don’t know if he knows, but I really don’t want to find out what this psycho woman is capable of if I tell him. She’s married with two young kids! I guess she thought my DH was her ticket out of that marriage. In any case, she deserves to be exposed and I hope the rest of her life is as miserable possible. I’m going to trust karma to take care of that and protect myself and kids from any more of her insanity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three years? And I'd bet she wasn't the only one.

Kick him out.

I bet she was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

The OW changed the trajectory of the betrayed spouse's kids' lives and the trajectory she changed in her own kids lives stems from when she started cheating.

Once you decide to enter someone else's family and f**ck with their family, you don't get to decide how people will react.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the OW is married. She’s scorned and told OP to hurt her husband. I just don’t believe a married woman with children would risk hurting them. If she is married, don’t tell her husband. It’s not OPs responsibility. If OW has kids, you’d be a truly crappy person to willfully change the trajectory of innocent kid’s lives. Pay attention to our country right now. OWs husband could seek his own revenge on OPs husband. Deal with your issues without dragging the innocent into it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So wait, DH was traveling for work and banging a side piece throughout the pandemic?

Very good point, PP. If he was doing this during the pandemic he's even worse, if that's possible. The first year of the pandemic, treatments weren't well established and there was no vaccine etc. Some otherwise healthy people were dying at that point. If he was risking bringing that home to his wife and teens, he's beyond awful. That would color my thoughts about the affair even more, if I were OP. Knowing he'd chosen his d**k over his family's health during a pandemic.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is a lot in this thread about telling the other woman or not. For me, that raises the bigger issue of how much to say about the infidelity and to whom.

I am 15 years out from serial infidelity. Now exDH was not forthcoming when confronted about it and lied extensively to manipulate me into staying. I can say firmly that, in retrospect, keeping his behavior secret was harmful to ME and the KIDS. It isolated me. It made me feel like I was living a fake, inauthentic life. It cut me off from friendships because people didn’t know the real me. People didn’t understand the deep degree of trauma I was going through in my life and so the decisions I was making didn’t seem to make sense from the outside. It kept me in contact with my abuser (and, yes, infidelity is a deep form of emotional abuse), which only traumatized me further.

I did tell one or two friends I thought would be supportive and I told my family, who were all supportive. But, I should have told my ex-husband’s family about the reasons for the end of the marriage. I should have also told a much wider circle of friends and mutual colleagues. And, eventually, my kids should have known - it has been deeply corrosive for them to grow up in a divorce where a false front is put on. They do not understand their Dad’s behavior nor mine at times because they do not understand the context and they draw incorrect conclusions on the basis of lack of information. And, as is natural for kids, they draw conclusions that wrongly blame themselves for his lack of affection when it is really a character flaw unto himself.

IME, I should have also not caved to societal pressure to try to keep the marriage intact. IME, the marriage you had is dead upon the discovery of infidelity and there is really no rebuilding unless you are in the very rare circumstance that your DH has immediately confessed on his own and willingly entered therapy to address his issues and make amends. It is impossible to rebuild a healthy marriage on a foundation of lies with a person who lacks the capacity for self-examination, self-regulation, and open communication, negotiation and honesty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds pretty hot honestly.

Yep.

Op - be honest.

1. Who is prettier?
2. Emotionally you’ll never have the connection with dh that she had in her teens with him