Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Or


- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: What are they?
- Teacher: Jargon
- Parent: Can you provide some examples or context?
- Teacher: No
- Parent: um, ok

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Schools literally have a legal requirement to identify kids in need of special ed. But sure let’s add another classic dialogue:

- Teacher: Your kid has big problems!
- Parent: I don’t know what to do
- Teacher: (Doesn’t inform parent about the supports and rights created by law specifically to help kids with problems.)
- Parent: I still don’t know what to do
- Teacher: Your kid has big problems but don’t expect me to help, not my job!

Anonymous wrote:OP, glad you're back.

You still haven't responded to criticism of this part of your OP:

And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

Do you really not see how statement like this are essentially designed to make parents angry and defensive? You are not qualified to diagnose a child with autism, and if you are speaking like this to parents with autistic children, do you really not understand that they are own their own difficult journey that you simply do not understand? And your phrasing here about kids who get picked on is absolutely unacceptable from a teacher. Absolutely, 100%, not acceptable. Parents with kids who are being picked on and bullied are ALWAYS working with their kids to figure out how to keep themselves from being a target. Do you have kids? Do you not understand how heartbreaking it is to have send your kid to school where another kid is making fun of them or tormenting them? If there was a magic thing you could tell your kid to keep it from happening, you would.

It's just so condescending. If a teacher said this to me about my kid who was being tormented, not only would I not "believe her", I'd ask that my kid be removed from her class. When I child is being consistently picked on in your classroom, the answer is for the adult in the room to intervene, and work with the kids to address these issues. I get that you don't have perfect control, but you have more than I do in that moment, and "sorry kiddo but you've got to stop making yourself a victim here" is NOT going to cut it. Address the problem.

Fortunately I've never had a teacher pull this with me -- we've always had good relationships built on trust and mutual respect. But what you wrote in your OP was not trusting or respectful. I think if you have enough poor relationships with parents to write something like this, the problem might be you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

JFC. The “burden” is yours. YOU HAD THE KIDS.

Anonymous wrote:Teachers, please actually deal with bullying behavior instead of expecting kids to just deal with it. And if you expect my kid to just deal with, have a plan for how to do so. Don’t tell my kid to ignore the bully and then admonish her for not talking to him. Don’t tell her that it is her responsibility not escalate and to forgive him even when he isn’t sorry — you sound like you are grooming my DD to be a domestic violence victim. Don’t have the counselor tell my kid to tell the bully to stop and then allow another teacher to tell her that she can’t keep telling him to stop. Don’t refer to her bully as a “non-preferred peer.” And when we have a meeting and I ask what she should do, have an answer - don’t sit in silence or leave the room in tears. And don’t lie to me because you want the whole thing swept under the rug.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen teachers let kids bully.

Kids are bullies because their parents raised them that way. Your kid being a menace is not the fault of a teacher that's known them for 3 months. Also, you must be oblivious but telling a kid to "stop being mean" doesn't work! Neither does contacting parents or asking them to apologize. So what would you suggest the next step be?

FYI: We can NOT suspend kids in DCPS

it's amazing that you don't realize that there are actually evidence-based behavioral approaches to address aggression. THIS is why parents have to go whole-hog and hire lawyers and consultants and get in-class evaluations. because schools basically sit there like "durrrrr, your kid is bad!"

I posted above about separating kids. I wonder if this kind of response is what makes teachers feel overwhelmed and undervalued. Saying that there are evidence based behavioral approaches to reduce aggressive behavior sounds like you are talking down to the teacher, there is a lot of work that the teacher needs to do to address this child’s aggression, and finally, the teacher is somehow responsible for helping children manage their emotions.

No wonder teachers feel that they don’t have enough resources to do this and push it back onto parents.

Anonymous wrote:My favorite kind of parent is the one who tells me their child has no issues at home, and then when I ask how he does on play dates, they tell me he can’t go on those, because he can’t behave. Then I see the kid at Target having a screaming fit over Pokémon and other people tell me the kid is a nightmare at soccer, but you have no problem with him at home? Right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, glad you're back.

You still haven't responded to criticism of this part of your OP:

And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

Do you really not see how statement like this are essentially designed to make parents angry and defensive? You are not qualified to diagnose a child with autism, and if you are speaking like this to parents with autistic children, do you really not understand that they are own their own difficult journey that you simply do not understand? And your phrasing here about kids who get picked on is absolutely unacceptable from a teacher. Absolutely, 100%, not acceptable. Parents with kids who are being picked on and bullied are ALWAYS working with their kids to figure out how to keep themselves from being a target. Do you have kids? Do you not understand how heartbreaking it is to have send your kid to school where another kid is making fun of them or tormenting them? If there was a magic thing you could tell your kid to keep it from happening, you would.

It's just so condescending. If a teacher said this to me about my kid who was being tormented, not only would I not "believe her", I'd ask that my kid be removed from her class. When I child is being consistently picked on in your classroom, the answer is for the adult in the room to intervene, and work with the kids to address these issues. I get that you don't have perfect control, but you have more than I do in that moment, and "sorry kiddo but you've got to stop making yourself a victim here" is NOT going to cut it. Address the problem.

Fortunately I've never had a teacher pull this with me -- we've always had good relationships built on trust and mutual respect. But what you wrote in your OP was not trusting or respectful. I think if you have enough poor relationships with parents to write something like this, the problem might be you.

Well folks I apologize for triggering so many parents with this post. Please know that I would never in a million years be so blunt in an actual conversation with a parent of a struggling student. I DO understand how heartbreaking it is, having been on the receiving end of such information twice. Please know, however, that there are many many parents out there who would rather deny that a problem exists and verbally attack the teacher for bringing it up in the most respectful, compassionate way. That was the audience for this post - parents who will leave their child, the teacher and sometimes the entire affected class hanging because they cannot believe that their child might need extra support. It is completely demoralizing for all involved. So, with those experiences under my belt along with the multiple chastisements posted in this thread from parents who DO want to support their struggling children, I will think twice about having these conversations in the future. You have cut me down to size, put me in my place, and schooled the teacher.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, glad you're back.

You still haven't responded to criticism of this part of your OP:

And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

Do you really not see how statement like this are essentially designed to make parents angry and defensive? You are not qualified to diagnose a child with autism, and if you are speaking like this to parents with autistic children, do you really not understand that they are own their own difficult journey that you simply do not understand? And your phrasing here about kids who get picked on is absolutely unacceptable from a teacher. Absolutely, 100%, not acceptable. Parents with kids who are being picked on and bullied are ALWAYS working with their kids to figure out how to keep themselves from being a target. Do you have kids? Do you not understand how heartbreaking it is to have send your kid to school where another kid is making fun of them or tormenting them? If there was a magic thing you could tell your kid to keep it from happening, you would.

It's just so condescending. If a teacher said this to me about my kid who was being tormented, not only would I not "believe her", I'd ask that my kid be removed from her class. When I child is being consistently picked on in your classroom, the answer is for the adult in the room to intervene, and work with the kids to address these issues. I get that you don't have perfect control, but you have more than I do in that moment, and "sorry kiddo but you've got to stop making yourself a victim here" is NOT going to cut it. Address the problem.

Fortunately I've never had a teacher pull this with me -- we've always had good relationships built on trust and mutual respect. But what you wrote in your OP was not trusting or respectful. I think if you have enough poor relationships with parents to write something like this, the problem might be you.

Well folks I apologize for triggering so many parents with this post. Please know that I would never in a million years be so blunt in an actual conversation with a parent of a struggling student. I DO understand how heartbreaking it is, having been on the receiving end of such information twice. Please know, however, that there are many many parents out there who would rather deny that a problem exists and verbally attack the teacher for bringing it up in the most respectful, compassionate way. That was the audience for this post - parents who will leave their child, the teacher and sometimes the entire affected class hanging because they cannot believe that their child might need extra support. It is completely demoralizing for all involved. So, with those experiences under my belt along with the multiple chastisements posted in this thread from parents who DO want to support their struggling children, I will think twice about having these conversations in the future. You have cut me down to size, put me in my place, and schooled the teacher.

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP, glad you're back.

You still haven't responded to criticism of this part of your OP:

And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

Do you really not see how statement like this are essentially designed to make parents angry and defensive? You are not qualified to diagnose a child with autism, and if you are speaking like this to parents with autistic children, do you really not understand that they are own their own difficult journey that you simply do not understand? And your phrasing here about kids who get picked on is absolutely unacceptable from a teacher. Absolutely, 100%, not acceptable. Parents with kids who are being picked on and bullied are ALWAYS working with their kids to figure out how to keep themselves from being a target. Do you have kids? Do you not understand how heartbreaking it is to have send your kid to school where another kid is making fun of them or tormenting them? If there was a magic thing you could tell your kid to keep it from happening, you would.

It's just so condescending. If a teacher said this to me about my kid who was being tormented, not only would I not "believe her", I'd ask that my kid be removed from her class. When I child is being consistently picked on in your classroom, the answer is for the adult in the room to intervene, and work with the kids to address these issues. I get that you don't have perfect control, but you have more than I do in that moment, and "sorry kiddo but you've got to stop making yourself a victim here" is NOT going to cut it. Address the problem.

Fortunately I've never had a teacher pull this with me -- we've always had good relationships built on trust and mutual respect. But what you wrote in your OP was not trusting or respectful. I think if you have enough poor relationships with parents to write something like this, the problem might be you.

And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

I haven’t read through all the comments, but OP you sound like a wonderful teacher. I would love for my kid to have an educator like you who is not afraid to have hard conversations in order to help their students.

Except she said victims had to change so they weren't bullied. Well if they could do that, they would!!! So even though OP makes some good points, I reject their statement based on this incredibly insensitive, ignorant and damaging belief. OP deserves to be excoriated and does not belong in the classroom or anywhere near children if they think victims are at fault.

OP here. Of COURSE victims of bullying are not at fault. But they don’t have to remain victims. This thread has truly jumped the shark.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher (and a parent) who just read through this thread with a heavy heart. I decided to return next year, but I’m still conflicted. This job has changed so much in the past decade and I now dread going to work. I feel constantly attacked, no matter how much of my time and best intentions I throw at my job. I’ve let my own family become secondary in my life as I take on more responsibility than should EVER be placed on one person’s shoulders.

I AM that teacher all of you want. I keep meticulous records. I constantly change my lessons to tailor to students’ needs. I constantly communicate with parents using clear terms. I tutor my students regularly on my own time. To hear parents speak in these blanket, cruel terms about teachers, however, makes me want to reevaluate going back next year. Sure, maybe you aren’t talking to me specifically, but your attacks on my profession DO hurt, especially after the grueling long hours and sacrifices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?