Anonymous
08/04/2022 11:56
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:My father is dying and I had a conversation with my siblings recently where we noted that unfortunately we literally have NO happy memories of having spent time with him while growing up.
He was a 'very busy doctor' and missed every significant milestone in our lives. In college, I found out later that most of my friends just assumed that my parents were divorced and that my dad had abandoned us since they had literally never met him, seen him, I never mentioned him, etc.
I still remember how he had literally nothing to say to me on the day of my wedding because he really had never been a part of our lives.
My siblings and I have seriously discussed inventing stories for a eulogy about how he sang us songs and made us pancakes on Sunday mornings since we have absolutely no family traditions, stories, etc. that have him in them.
If success is being absent from your family or alternately having kids who make a lot of money but move thousands of miles away and we get to see them three or four days a year then you can count me out.
Why not talk about how you were able to live very comfortable lives with all the money he made?
Anonymous
08/04/2022 11:51
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
+100
I'm the OP of this thread:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page
and I 100% agree that you can mold your kids into the child you want. I don't love my kid the way he naturally is -- lazy, uninclined to challenge himself, not willing to push beyond his comfort zone. I made it clear to him that I will only love and support my kid if he tries his best at academics and everything he's involved in (irrespective of achievement). If not, I told him that I am ready to take away every comfort and privilege we have for him.
Kids in the DMV are too spoiled. Too sheltered, resilient, and lack grit. They don't know how to keep trying at something they're naturally bad at.
You are incredibly sick. You withhold love from a child when they don’t try hard enough at the things you deem important? Yikes. They will either hate your guts, or be empty shells by the time they’re free of you.
Anonymous
07/31/2022 20:49
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
+100
I'm the OP of this thread:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page
and I 100% agree that you can mold your kids into the child you want. I don't love my kid the way he naturally is -- lazy, uninclined to challenge himself, not willing to push beyond his comfort zone. I made it clear to him that I will only love and support my kid if he tries his best at academics and everything he's involved in (irrespective of achievement). If not, I told him that I am ready to take away every comfort and privilege we have for him.
Kids in the DMV are too spoiled. Too sheltered, resilient, and lack grit. They don't know how to keep trying at something they're naturally bad at.
Anonymous
07/29/2022 11:51
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Hey OP keep pushing until they walk right through a psychiatrists door
Anonymous
07/29/2022 11:26
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
My father is dying and I had a conversation with my siblings recently where we noted that unfortunately we literally have NO happy memories of having spent time with him while growing up.
He was a 'very busy doctor' and missed every significant milestone in our lives. In college, I found out later that most of my friends just assumed that my parents were divorced and that my dad had abandoned us since they had literally never met him, seen him, I never mentioned him, etc.
I still remember how he had literally nothing to say to me on the day of my wedding because he really had never been a part of our lives.
My siblings and I have seriously discussed inventing stories for a eulogy about how he sang us songs and made us pancakes on Sunday mornings since we have absolutely no family traditions, stories, etc. that have him in them.
If success is being absent from your family or alternately having kids who make a lot of money but move thousands of miles away and we get to see them three or four days a year then you can count me out.
He was a 'very busy doctor' and missed every significant milestone in our lives. In college, I found out later that most of my friends just assumed that my parents were divorced and that my dad had abandoned us since they had literally never met him, seen him, I never mentioned him, etc.
I still remember how he had literally nothing to say to me on the day of my wedding because he really had never been a part of our lives.
My siblings and I have seriously discussed inventing stories for a eulogy about how he sang us songs and made us pancakes on Sunday mornings since we have absolutely no family traditions, stories, etc. that have him in them.
If success is being absent from your family or alternately having kids who make a lot of money but move thousands of miles away and we get to see them three or four days a year then you can count me out.
Anonymous
07/29/2022 11:21
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!
You got me! Big loser over here. Making medium bucks, happily married with kids and time for them and a hobby. Might even buy a brand new mini van next year! Coulda gone big law but for what? A bigger house and bigger bills to pay, with less free time for things outside of my career. I feel like I’m living the American dream, and my siblings with millions in the bank can’t stop whining about inflation. It’s funny.
Sounds like you find mediocrity good enough. Some people are okay without being successful.
New poster here. Depends on how you define "successful".
People think of success in different ways. A couple of them are
1. Being happy, contended, plenty of free time to do the things you would do even if you dont get paid for them, not feeling any pressure moneywise, good health.
2. Earning a lot of money, climbing up into the C suite, having a private plane, being famous, making into the billionaire list.
Many equate success like you seem to be doing with #2. That usually comes with lots of downsides as well, divorce, not spending any time with kids, health problems due to all the stress/lack of sleep/unhealthy eating, etc.
You might describe #1 as mediocre. I would wish it upon my kids if I had the power to make it happen.
Of the top 100 richest people how many did not get divorced? One of the most stressful events in a person's life and a continuing source of misery for years and years?
Here's the difficulty... naturally, many of the people who achieve option 2 end up leading very, very fulfilled and enjoyable lives.
But the vast majority of those who strive for 2 fail, and find that their lives have passed them by in the attempt. And they usually harbor a lot of resentment for the folks who do achieve it, because the overwhelming majority of those who do have it happen through luck of circumstance or birth.
The sad part that I see every day from being in elite academic circles for the past 20+ years is that parents foist that attitude on their kids at a younger and younger age. Those kids end up missing out on their childhood chasing a dream that is not theirs but is their parents'. It should come as no surprise that so many of them end up with self-harming neuroses.
Anonymous
07/29/2022 10:38
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!
You got me! Big loser over here. Making medium bucks, happily married with kids and time for them and a hobby. Might even buy a brand new mini van next year! Coulda gone big law but for what? A bigger house and bigger bills to pay, with less free time for things outside of my career. I feel like I’m living the American dream, and my siblings with millions in the bank can’t stop whining about inflation. It’s funny.
Sounds like you find mediocrity good enough. Some people are okay without being successful.
I was a type A person, really into achievement, worrying about succeeding. Someone close to me lost their kid when I was in my early 30s. It made me re-evaluate everything. Eventually, I said F it and went back to school to be a lowly nurse. It’s allowed me to have more flexibility and work/life balance. It sounds very cliche but critical illness and death are the great equalizers. The people still clinging on to status when the poop hits the fan seem like truly miserable people. It’s sad.
This isn’t to say that successful people are all like that; I know people who are successful (your definition) but still down to earth. Still make time for family vs having titles. They don’t look down on “mediocre” people.
Btw, I would add that title/wealth are not necessarily correlated with excellence/being mediocre.
You have excellent/hard working nurses, teachers, etc and some truly mediocre MDs, execs, lawyers, finance peeps, etc. You know that, right?
Anonymous
07/29/2022 10:25
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!
You got me! Big loser over here. Making medium bucks, happily married with kids and time for them and a hobby. Might even buy a brand new mini van next year! Coulda gone big law but for what? A bigger house and bigger bills to pay, with less free time for things outside of my career. I feel like I’m living the American dream, and my siblings with millions in the bank can’t stop whining about inflation. It’s funny.
Sounds like you find mediocrity good enough. Some people are okay without being successful.
You just exude happiness PP. So much success.
Anonymous
07/28/2022 15:38
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Happiness = What you Have - What you Want
Anonymous
07/28/2022 15:36
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!
You got me! Big loser over here. Making medium bucks, happily married with kids and time for them and a hobby. Might even buy a brand new mini van next year! Coulda gone big law but for what? A bigger house and bigger bills to pay, with less free time for things outside of my career. I feel like I’m living the American dream, and my siblings with millions in the bank can’t stop whining about inflation. It’s funny.
Sounds like you find mediocrity good enough. Some people are okay without being successful.
New poster here. Depends on how you define "successful".
People think of success in different ways. A couple of them are
1. Being happy, contended, plenty of free time to do the things you would do even if you dont get paid for them, not feeling any pressure moneywise, good health.
2. Earning a lot of money, climbing up into the C suite, having a private plane, being famous, making into the billionaire list.
Many equate success like you seem to be doing with #2. That usually comes with lots of downsides as well, divorce, not spending any time with kids, health problems due to all the stress/lack of sleep/unhealthy eating, etc.
You might describe #1 as mediocre. I would wish it upon my kids if I had the power to make it happen.
Of the top 100 richest people how many did not get divorced? One of the most stressful events in a person's life and a continuing source of misery for years and years?
Anonymous
07/28/2022 15:23
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!
You got me! Big loser over here. Making medium bucks, happily married with kids and time for them and a hobby. Might even buy a brand new mini van next year! Coulda gone big law but for what? A bigger house and bigger bills to pay, with less free time for things outside of my career. I feel like I’m living the American dream, and my siblings with millions in the bank can’t stop whining about inflation. It’s funny.
Sounds like you find mediocrity good enough. Some people are okay without being successful.
Yeah, sure
success has an odd ring to it when you’re working 100 hours a week.
Anonymous
07/28/2022 14:48
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!
You got me! Big loser over here. Making medium bucks, happily married with kids and time for them and a hobby. Might even buy a brand new mini van next year! Coulda gone big law but for what? A bigger house and bigger bills to pay, with less free time for things outside of my career. I feel like I’m living the American dream, and my siblings with millions in the bank can’t stop whining about inflation. It’s funny.
Sounds like you find mediocrity good enough. Some people are okay without being successful.
Anonymous
07/28/2022 12:50
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!
You got me! Big loser over here. Making medium bucks, happily married with kids and time for them and a hobby. Might even buy a brand new mini van next year! Coulda gone big law but for what? A bigger house and bigger bills to pay, with less free time for things outside of my career. I feel like I’m living the American dream, and my siblings with millions in the bank can’t stop whining about inflation. It’s funny.
Anonymous
07/28/2022 11:54
Subject: Re:I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Winner if everyone was studying an extra hour or two a day things would be very different same with sports
There needs to be a way to differentiate between talent and spending more time at something. Aap should be based on talent not time spent preparing.
This idea that there is such a thing as 'intelligence' or 'talent' that is meaningful without effort, and that it is somehow more 'real' than achievements that are worked for is a distortion (one that is more common in American culture than many others).
I think the difference to me is that spending more time at something to get good at the actual thing (e.g., reading, writing, mathematics, arts, science, sports) is worthwhile, what I think would be problematic is if you are spending most of the time to beat some artificial hoop (e.g., Cogat test) rather than spending the effort to excel at what actually matters. I get why people do it, but it's a sign of a flawed system.
This is spot on. We have a cultural problem when it is more important to prove that you have the skill than it is to have the skill. This is why standardized exams are deeply problematic - because in many cases they test only for the raw skill rather than the ability to leverage the skill towards the greater good.
Society *usually* does not reward people who leverage their intelligence for the greater good. Just check the money forum…the people making bank are BigLaw, govt contractors, VPs of corporations, etc.
PP. You’re right, and that’s the problem. Made my point for me.
I’m much more interested in raising children who have a positive impact on society than raising children who make a ton of money.
In my old age, I would rather die feeling good about what my children are doing for the world than be begging them for their ill-gotten gains to keep me on life support.
Oh I agree with you. I’m just pointing out society’ s priorities.
Anonymous
07/28/2022 11:49
Subject: I push my kids and have NO shame! You should too!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So absolutely absurd to not push kids to do advanced stuff. Especially since some average people are deciding the standards.
Push your kids to do well in school, on screener tests, and everywhere, becait will make them better at the end. They will learn about themselves the most.
Go for Algebra in 7th, even in 6th if you can.
LA should have better acceleration too.
Totally agree. Parents who don’t do this are fools.
dp Parents who push their children past their breaking points just to please their parents are fools. Would you want your teen to die by suicide because the extreme pressure you parents put them under? That you have to be perfect? Are you perfect? Or human? Wanting your child to do the best they can isn't being foolish. Love the child you have not the one you want.
Mold them into the child you want!
What kind of child do you want? I want a happy, adaptable, child who grows into a happy adaptable, adult. Pretty sure pushing them isn’t going to get them there. Challenging is not the same as pushing, for what it’s worth.
DP.
That sounds like loser talk!