When planning my wedding she told me "its not your wedding. It never was and it never will be."

Its not the WORST thing shes ever said, but its one of my favorite one of her crazy statements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slapped me in the face
Rolled my arm up in a power window, supposedly an accident
Served all sugary desserts at my baby shower when I wasn’t supposed to be eating sugar
Telling everyone my house is so small
Screamed at me when I applied to a college out of state
Told me my grandmother wasn’t worth organizing a funeral for
Pits me and my siblings against each other

So many things

I am glad I have good friends but I still have a voice in my head that questions me and holds me back sometimes. I struggle now to be a normal and calm person.

You just reminded me of the time my mom stabbed me with a cooking fork, two prongs. She was cooking and teenage me said something she didn't like and she pulled it out of the boiling pasta water and pushed it into my waist. My shirt slowed it down and I didn't get burned or require stitches, but she drew blood. 35 years later, I still have that fork and I use it often, but I don't stab anyone with it. I laugh about the stabbing, but it's effed up!

I stopped telling stories about childhood. I laughed at things other people found horrible about my life and began to realize my upbringing wasn’t normal at all.

I’m PP above and forgot to add that when I got engaged and planned my wedding, my mom told me that I was “ruining her life” and “taking her wedding away from her” and that she would “never get this chance again” because I didn’t plan the kind of wedding she wanted.

She has gotten married twice, so yes, she had her chance.

I didn’t hang out with boys in middle school or high school because my parents were strict and I subconsciously realized my mother would manipulate any kind of teenage relationship into something messed up.

She didn’t realize it was my choice and repeatedly said “I notice that boys don’t like you. Do you think it’s because you’re a lesbian? Or just because you aren’t trying to be pretty?”

For the record I’m not a lesbian but wish I was just to spite her. I was trying really hard to be pretty but working against acne my mother wouldn’t pay to treat, haircuts I gave myself, and clothing on a tiny budget in the pre-Target and Old Navy days.

I’m the only one of my siblings that she expected to be perfect. I remember getting slapped if I got a 99% on a test and asked where the other 1% went. She made negative comments about my looks at every special occasion including graduation and my wedding. She skipped part of college graduation and doesn’t realize I finished graduate school. One of the more hurtful things I remember was a college application that had a section for parents to write about their child. She trashed me. She said I was bright but emotional and lazy. I was not lazy and worked full time while in high school because I knew my parents wouldn’t pay for college.

Anonymous wrote:So the weird underwear thing - was your mom mad that it was a #2 stain or was it a discharge stain?

She was probably triggered to sexually shame you for vaginal discharge i.e. lubrication.

My mom used to shame me if I ever masturbated.

My mother told me you had to see a priest if you masturbated. Also, I couldn’t wear tampons because it would make me a slut.

A week or two after my first child was born, my mom stayed with us. At one point - maybe when the baby was crying or I was changing a diaper - she said “this isn’t the life I imagined for you”.

That one stung.

Anonymous wrote:When I was in 7th grade, I had horrible acne and weight issues. She said, "You better do something about your face. Nobody is going to want to sit with you at lunch if you don't clear it up. They are going to think you are disgusting and not want to look at you while eating."

Sounds like my mother re: the acne. Yet she refused to take me to a dermatologist or even investigate over the counter treatments. It was all my own fault according to her but when I asked her what I did to cause the acne she told me to shut up. Haven't talked to her in years.

When I was in 7th grade, I had horrible acne and weight issues. She said, "You better do something about your face. Nobody is going to want to sit with you at lunch if you don't clear it up. They are going to think you are disgusting and not want to look at you while eating."

I call my kid annoying. I’ll be sure to stop. My mother was utterly nasty and I try every day to be kind to my kids, but I’m not perfect. This thread makes me worry they’ll hate me no matter what.

She told me she was going to divorce my dad, but not to tell him or my siblings because she was going to move us out while he was at work. I was fifteen.I always felt bad for keeping the secret, but don’t know if it would have helped anything to tell anyone. She painted him as a monster, and I believed it for years. In reality, my dad was blindsided. He came home to an empty house and bank account.

After divorcing, she started dating someone else. She told his daughters that they were like daughters to her while my sister and I were sitting right there. She would fawn all over him and ignore us. We barely had food in the house, so when she made a plate of dessert bars for him, my sister and I ate all of them. She was livid.

There are, of course, many more incidents, but those are the two that came to mind.

Infinite amount. Like pps, I have no real memories until 3rd grade.

When I was laying in bed crying after my grandfather died she said oh shut up.

I'm ugly (looking back I was pretty cute), gave me terrible haircuts.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait till you have a daughter as bad as you.

She’s said plenty of awful things but I think that one hits on all the key themes- i suck, she dislikes being my mom, and she wishes me similar negative experiences in my future

Right there with you. She also saved the parenting difficult child books she bought when I was young "because she knew I would need them" She was gleeful when she handed them over. I was a straight A student, never got into trouble, and was gifted in sports and music.

For me, this wasn't the worst thing. But it's hard to pinpoint the worst because it was the thousand tiny paper cuts on a daily basis all colliding to remind me all the ways I wasn't meeting her expectations as the eldest daughter in a large family. That my faults were terrible reflections of her. Lazy, selfish and ungrateful and me being generally person not worthy of any investment or love and kindness were the general themes.

I feel for all the people who have posted here.

Maybe the worst was the fact that after about age 6 or 7 I never smiled in photos and always looked sullen. She always said this was me and my terrible personality - I was negative, intense, brooding. No one ever asked why I never smiled or checked that I was ok. I wasn't ok but no one noticed. Sometimes I see children with this look on their faces today and, while I don't know what is going on in their inner life and am only seeing a brief moment in time, I silently wish them well and hope they can grow up and make it out. To have so much pain you need to dissociate from life with this blank, sad stare is something no child should have to endure.

I can’t wait till you have a daughter as bad as you.

She’s said plenty of awful things but I think that one hits on all the key themes- i suck, she dislikes being my mom, and she wishes me similar negative experiences in my future

When I called my mom to tell her my husband had proposed to me, her first words were, “Well, I like him okay, but I don’t think he likes me very much.” Classic NPD. I could go on with so many other mind f-ing remarks. But I was not the family scapegoat. My brother she would chase around the house with a knife and strangle until he passed out. No one in real life gets it when I talk about my mother, because we’re supposed to honor our parents. So hugs to all of you here. I know the loneliness of having been cruelly mothered, and it absolutely sucks.