No, dear. Your BROTHER doesn’t want you in the wedding, and that’s why you are not in the wedding. You could have stood with him or been assigned a reading. Stop blaming his bride.

All these people saying they're not friends with their bridesmaids 20 years later are telling on themselves.

I can't believe we're at 8 pages and no one has mentioned the likelihood of divorce. Although most people don't go into marriage thinking they'll ever get divorced, 40-50% of first time marriages end in divorce. I'd focus less on including future ILs in the wedding and more on the marriage. If OP really wanted to support her brother, she wouldn't make this an issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she should bump one of her best friends from the wedding to fit you into a limited number of attendants? If this was so important to your brother, he could have included you in some other way.

Yeah, one of her best friends at age 24 that she won’t speak to by the time she’s 35. 🙄 This a life lesson for this bride. Your spouse to be has 1 sibling, you include that person in the wedding, because if you are lucky that person will be in your life forever, as opposed to the fleeting friendships of your early 20s.

Grow up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG—feel relieved.

+1 I would be jumping for joy.

Hell Yeah! I was only a bridesmaid twice and it was too many times! I was the friend who always told friends "Please don't feel you need to ask me to be a bridesmaid. I am happy to be a guest!"

Anonymous wrote:Is she young? Like a Gen Z young?

Young people are stupid about stuff like this. Their best and dearest friends at 25 may well be long gone and forgotten by the time they’re 40. But the SIL will be there.

It’s a slight, OP, but try not to take it personally.

WTF!!
It is not a slight. I did not have attendants, what about that?
These stupid made up ‘rules’.

I don't think it is weird at all. You are not her friend.

I think it’s weird to expect your future SIL to include you but not your brother. Each person getting married should have a wedding party of the people THEY want in the wedding regardless of gender. One of my friends had her three best friends as attendants and they are all male. If your brother wanted you included, you should be co-best (wo)man with your other brother.

I didn't include my SILs either. There are big age gaps and I just wanted one attendant. My H didn't involve my only brother either. It's fine!

I didn't include my SILs. It never crossed my mind because were not close or friendly. We're friendly 26 years later but not close. They each did a reading during the ceremony so they were included. No regrets.

Anonymous wrote:OMG—feel relieved.

+1 I would be jumping for joy.

My SIL was one of my bridesmaids. I think it's pretty standard. That said, I would personally be relieved--being a bridesmaid sucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has no siblings. Maybe she doesn't want the bridal party to seem lopsided to his side of the family.

According to OP there is one brother and one sister (OP). That could never be described as lopsided.

And who the eff cares about the bride and who’s important to her, right?

I would hope her future husband’s family is important to her!!!

If husband’s family was so important, OP’s brother would have included her to stand by his side or do a reading.

Or, if you wanted a more traditional spin on it, advocated that OP be a bridesmaid. Apparently he did neither thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she should bump one of her best friends from the wedding to fit you into a limited number of attendants? If this was so important to your brother, he could have included you in some other way.

Yeah, one of her best friends at age 24 that she won’t speak to by the time she’s 35. 🙄 This a life lesson for this bride. Your spouse to be has 1 sibling, you include that person in the wedding, because if you are lucky that person will be in your life forever, as opposed to the fleeting friendships of your early 20s.

+1. So true. If it weren’t for social media, I would know where half of my wedding party was. My SIL? I see her at every holiday, birthday, and funeral. Our daughters are in the same grade in the same school and best friends. I’m glad my SIL is in my wedding pictures.

NP- I talk to all five of my bridesmaids almost every day, certainly at least once a week. I see my SIL once every few years. People have different situations. There is no right or wrong answer.

Hmmm…. There kind of is one right answer - OP, as the only sister on either side should be included.

God we can all tell what kind of SIL you posters are

I’m a good one, PP. I just know what’s right. Both my brothers wives had me in their weddings and I appreciated the inclusion. I love them both - we’re family.

I think the pertinent question is how do they feel about you. And based on your postings here, it may not be as favorable as you believe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she should bump one of her best friends from the wedding to fit you into a limited number of attendants? If this was so important to your brother, he could have included you in some other way.

Yeah, one of her best friends at age 24 that she won’t speak to by the time she’s 35. 🙄 This a life lesson for this bride. Your spouse to be has 1 sibling, you include that person in the wedding, because if you are lucky that person will be in your life forever, as opposed to the fleeting friendships of your early 20s.

Please. My future SIL wasn't in my wedding. She and my husband aren't close, and he didn't care at all. We had her do a reading, and frankly, that was just to keep the peace with his parents.