Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

Yeah no. I'm a woman and I will mildly flirt with someone. If my husband wants to do the same, it's fine by me. With boundaries and trust, there's nothing inappropriate about it.

What is the purpose of flirting, especially if you are married?

Anonymous wrote:

+1 I have a very outgoing personality and I’m very interested in people and their lives. I’m sure some people would take this as mild flirting but my husband has accepted this for many years as part of who I am.

Assuming you're heterosexual, is it "flirting" if you're very interested in other women and their lives?

In my mind, if there isn't an element of potential romantic interaction -- either intended or likely to be perceived -- then it's not flirting. So the descriptions by people where they just say it's something fun or a matter of heightened attention (that they'd engage in regardless of gender) seem to not qualify as "flirting."

This seems so difficult to understand, like a "I know it if I see it" kind of thing. I'm long-married and occasionally will feel an "uh-oh" feeling in the pit of my stomach when talking with someone, at which point I'll excuse myself.

But ultimately I really have no idea how to recognize flirting vs. friendliness unless I guess it's really obvious and forward. I'm pretty shy and introverted, but at the same time people seem to respond really well to my dry sense of humor. So I don't tend to engage with a lot of people of my own volition, but people laugh when I'm at the bar at things I say. So I figure there's no flirting and just go by that, and any smiles or laughing at my comments is just that without anything else. But if the laughter is really flirting it would be news to me; I think the ring means it's not and I don't follow up on any cues that might be out there anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

Yeah no. I'm a woman and I will mildly flirt with someone. If my husband wants to do the same, it's fine by me. With boundaries and trust, there's nothing inappropriate about it.

+1 I have a very outgoing personality and I’m very interested in people and their lives. I’m sure some people would take this as mild flirting but my husband has accepted this for many years as part of who I am.

That’s great that in your relationship your DH accepts this about you, but do you ever consider the feelings of the wife/mom of the husband you are mildly flirting with?

NP who also has a personality my husband calls “flirtatious”. Please note that everyone has different definitions of flirting. So perhaps you hate that somebody is flirting with your husband but she could be doing things like touching, intense eye contact, etc and others actually think flirting is just having a fun conversation.

Also, maybe the reason this hurts you is because your husband is saving all the sparkle in his eyes for other women. Like if he payed more attention to you and interacted with you the way he interacts with these women, perhaps it wouldn’t bother you as much. There was a time in my marriage when my husband was just irritated with me constantly and never seemed to have time for me, but I would hear him laugh joke around and have fun personal conversations with his coworkers on the phone and with his friends. I was totally jealous of all of them, men and women. But of course the problem wasn’t him having fun with these other people, but our dynamic at the time. Maybe that’s what’s happening with people so irritated at some of the flirtation going on.

We look at the menu, but can’t order… 😁

A flirtatious interaction is more about the chemistry than anything that is said or done. I would think it would be hard to never ever have chemistry with anyone but your spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating---no.

Disrespectful---yes.

This

+1000000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

Yeah no. I'm a woman and I will mildly flirt with someone. If my husband wants to do the same, it's fine by me. With boundaries and trust, there's nothing inappropriate about it.

+1 I have a very outgoing personality and I’m very interested in people and their lives. I’m sure some people would take this as mild flirting but my husband has accepted this for many years as part of who I am.

That’s great that in your relationship your DH accepts this about you, but do you ever consider the feelings of the wife/mom of the husband you are mildly flirting with?

Anonymous wrote:Cheating---no.

Disrespectful---yes.

This

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

Yeah no. I'm a woman and I will mildly flirt with someone. If my husband wants to do the same, it's fine by me. With boundaries and trust, there's nothing inappropriate about it.

+1 I have a very outgoing personality and I’m very interested in people and their lives. I’m sure some people would take this as mild flirting but my husband has accepted this for many years as part of who I am.

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

Honestly, I used the think this wholeheartedly when I was younger. Now I’m just a realist in that I recognize we’re all red blooded animals trying to live within the confines of societal norms and expectations that have been forced upon us and that have nothing to do with our nature.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is insane.

True

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're either cheating or wasting someone's time. It depends on how you flirt. If you flirt with no intention of treating the person you're flirting with more romantic interest than any other member of the general public, you're leading him on. You're using him for an emotional rush of some sort. But you're not cheating.

Exactly.

Disagree. I think lots of people enjoy friendly banter that could be interpreted as flirting on its own. No one is indicating anyone should pretend to be single or give the impression they are available to date or sleep with.

But that's what flirting nis. Flirting is how single people let other single people know they are interested and available.
It's not just banter or whatever crap you and others are trying to gaslight with.

It's why we've got threads asking how to flirt. Articles on how to be a better flirt.
Do why are you as a person in a relationship not interested in cheating engaging in behavior that's universally seen in Western society as making yourself available?

Okay *you* think flirting is more banter. I agree. But my husband still tells me that my interactions could be easily interpreted as flirtatious, so I’m not gaslighting here, Im saying that people shouldn’t expect me to stop “bantering” or laughing at somebody’s jokes because somebody might think I’m showing interest in them. (And by the way I don’t think I’ve ever actually been hit on as a result of flirting so I am obviously not sending out signals I’m available).

But I feel like this is going deeper with you, either because you’re single and frustrated about that or married to somebody who doesn’t make you feel secure in your relationship. Or you just have strong feelings about people talking to each other.

If your husband thinks youur actions cross the line into inappropriate you should probably consider that.

You're poorly attempting to play semantics here.
Friendly is friendly and flirting is flirting.
Stop involving single people in your drama to get attention from your husband. Mrs. Narcissist.

If you are single and sad about that, I don’t think that married people like me are your problem. Your problem is your people skills and probably a lack of self confidence.

But my husband doesn’t think Im doing anything inappropriate, people have different definitions of flirting and yours doesn’t automatically win, I don’t remember the last time I interacted with a single person because I’m a married SAHM, and the definition of narcissist isn’t like the definition of flirting in that there is a lot of room for disagreement. You’re using it wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're either cheating or wasting someone's time. It depends on how you flirt. If you flirt with no intention of treating the person you're flirting with more romantic interest than any other member of the general public, you're leading him on. You're using him for an emotional rush of some sort. But you're not cheating.

Exactly.

Disagree. I think lots of people enjoy friendly banter that could be interpreted as flirting on its own. No one is indicating anyone should pretend to be single or give the impression they are available to date or sleep with.

But that's what flirting nis. Flirting is how single people let other single people know they are interested and available.
It's not just banter or whatever crap you and others are trying to gaslight with.

It's why we've got threads asking how to flirt. Articles on how to be a better flirt.
Do why are you as a person in a relationship not interested in cheating engaging in behavior that's universally seen in Western society as making yourself available?

Okay *you* think flirting is more banter. I agree. But my husband still tells me that my interactions could be easily interpreted as flirtatious, so I’m not gaslighting here, Im saying that people shouldn’t expect me to stop “bantering” or laughing at somebody’s jokes because somebody might think I’m showing interest in them. (And by the way I don’t think I’ve ever actually been hit on as a result of flirting so I am obviously not sending out signals I’m available).

But I feel like this is going deeper with you, either because you’re single and frustrated about that or married to somebody who doesn’t make you feel secure in your relationship. Or you just have strong feelings about people talking to each other.

If your husband thinks youur actions cross the line into inappropriate you should probably consider that.

You're poorly attempting to play semantics here.
Friendly is friendly and flirting is flirting.
Stop involving single people in your drama to get attention from your husband. Mrs. Narcissist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're either cheating or wasting someone's time. It depends on how you flirt. If you flirt with no intention of treating the person you're flirting with more romantic interest than any other member of the general public, you're leading him on. You're using him for an emotional rush of some sort. But you're not cheating.

Exactly.

Disagree. I think lots of people enjoy friendly banter that could be interpreted as flirting on its own. No one is indicating anyone should pretend to be single or give the impression they are available to date or sleep with.

But that's what flirting nis. Flirting is how single people let other single people know they are interested and available.
It's not just banter or whatever crap you and others are trying to gaslight with.

It's why we've got threads asking how to flirt. Articles on how to be a better flirt.
Do why are you as a person in a relationship not interested in cheating engaging in behavior that's universally seen in Western society as making yourself available?

So are you saying you’ve slept with every single person you’ve ever flirted with in your entire life?

Nobody’s trying to gaslight you, but maybe you feel your spouse is? Your responses are so disproportionate. Just tell your partner to cut it out.

You are trying to gaslight.

I don't sleep with everyone I flirt with, but that's because it doesn't always reach to dating level. But if I'm flirting with you it's because I'm attracted to you would like to get to know you more in a romantic way .

But I'm single.
You aren't so why as a married person are you engaged in behavior single people engage in to attract a mate?

So you’re single and you’re offended that other people’s spouses might flirt with someone? And you consider this cheating or disrespectful to their spouses? Isn’t that between them?

Stepping out now.

I consider it wasting my time representing yourself as single because your bored ar home.