Anonymous
05/16/2022 14:37
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
I have four adult daughters. Two have kids, two don't. One definitely, absolutely, positively does not want them by choice; the other was always on the fence about the idea but it appears the choice has finally been made for her (putting aside adoption, etc).
None of them takes any offense at anything the other says about her choice. You can love kids and still not want any of your own, as my CFBC daughter is. She's the best aunt in the world and is also great with her friends' kids. You can also have your own kids and love them and still recognize that they are often a pain in the ass and make your life a lot more difficult and expensive than it otherwise would be.
If this forum were dominated by men you'd never see the kind of discussion going on in this thread. Why are women in general so nasty to and defensive and judgmental about each other's choices? It boggles the mind.
None of them takes any offense at anything the other says about her choice. You can love kids and still not want any of your own, as my CFBC daughter is. She's the best aunt in the world and is also great with her friends' kids. You can also have your own kids and love them and still recognize that they are often a pain in the ass and make your life a lot more difficult and expensive than it otherwise would be.
If this forum were dominated by men you'd never see the kind of discussion going on in this thread. Why are women in general so nasty to and defensive and judgmental about each other's choices? It boggles the mind.
Anonymous
05/16/2022 14:16
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Sounds more like a defense mechanism from an infertile woman.
Anonymous
05/16/2022 14:08
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
"yeah, its gross, good thing he's cute"...change the subject
Anonymous
05/16/2022 13:55
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.
From abother CFBC person--agreed, if a friend is being rude about anything (this topic or others), why not bring it up with them?
I agree that what you're friend is doing IS rude and I would never do the same, about anything that a friend values. When thinking about where your friend is coming from, though, it is good to keep in mind where she might be coming from. People without children get a whole lot of unsolicited judgment from others on their life choices. I know OP is not doing this to their friend based on their posts in this thread (and these kinds of judgmental statements are far more likely to come from near-strangers than from friends IME), but the general experience of this happening over and over again can prime someone to be defensive about their nonstandard choice.
Why TF are so many child free people on a parenting forum??? What is wrong with you?
The whining turns us on.
If you like whining, I urge you to try parenting. All the whining you can handle
Nope. I only like whining that I can walk away from.
Anonymous
05/16/2022 11:03
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I really think some people just have this sort of approach as their conversational style and it truly doesn't mean anything except that's what she's thinking in her own head at that precise moment. So I definitely wouldn't take it personally as directed at you (or your kids, even).
I say that knowing full well how hard it is not to take things like this personally and I am annoyed on your behalf at reading your post, OPbut since you really like your friend, if you can reframe her comments in that context maybe it'll help you start to let these just roll off your back?
This is really helpful, thank you! I'm sure she feels the same way about other things I do and has said so. It just doesn't come off as hostile. Great advice.
Anonymous
05/16/2022 11:00
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.
This. It’s to make herself feel better that she doesn’t have kids. She is probably sad. Give her a break.
Yeah, sounds to me like she has some insecurity about not having kids, whether by choice or not. She shouldn't make those comments to you to make you feel bad about having kids but that's what insecure people do. Make others feel bad to make themselves feel better. I have a co-worker who told me all about her miscarriage (very soon after meeting her) and then a few months later, responded to a comment I made about my kids with "OMG, I can't imagine--this is why I don't have kids". I just smiled and let it roll off because I knew it was more about her than me.
Anonymous
05/16/2022 10:39
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:"Well then I guess it's a good thing you don't have kids!" or "Enh, it's fine, I get lots of snuggles and cute crafts to make up for it!"
She's probably trying to make herself feel better about her choice or inability to have children, OP. Have some empathy.
Yes, the person who's saying "I get lots of snuggles and cute crafts" is definitely not the one trying to make herself feel better.
Anonymous
05/16/2022 10:38
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.
From abother CFBC person--agreed, if a friend is being rude about anything (this topic or others), why not bring it up with them?
I agree that what you're friend is doing IS rude and I would never do the same, about anything that a friend values. When thinking about where your friend is coming from, though, it is good to keep in mind where she might be coming from. People without children get a whole lot of unsolicited judgment from others on their life choices. I know OP is not doing this to their friend based on their posts in this thread (and these kinds of judgmental statements are far more likely to come from near-strangers than from friends IME), but the general experience of this happening over and over again can prime someone to be defensive about their nonstandard choice.
Why TF are so many child free people on a parenting forum??? What is wrong with you?
The whining turns us on.
If you like whining, I urge you to try parenting. All the whining you can handle
Anonymous
05/16/2022 09:29
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:There is nothing sadder than child free by choice hanging out on a parenting board.
No one:
Child free by choice: well if you ask me….
No one did, go away!
Anonymous
05/16/2022 09:25
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
There is nothing sadder than child free by choice hanging out on a parenting board.
No one:
Child free by choice: well if you ask me….
No one did, go away!
No one:
Child free by choice: well if you ask me….
No one did, go away!
Anonymous
05/16/2022 08:17
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:I really think some people just have this sort of approach as their conversational style and it truly doesn't mean anything except that's what she's thinking in her own head at that precise moment. So I definitely wouldn't take it personally as directed at you (or your kids, even).
I say that knowing full well how hard it is not to take things like this personally and I am annoyed on your behalf at reading your post, OP
+1
I know people who often say things like "Oh, I could never do [thing I just did]. It's too hard/scary/gross/etc." Not just about kids. I just respond, "Yeah, it is [hard thing], but I enjoyed it/think it's worth it/stick it out because [reason]." They're not trying to be offensive.
Anonymous
05/16/2022 07:50
Subject: Rude comments by childfree friend
CFBC idiots really take over everything. Ministry of Truth, WTF?
Anonymous
05/15/2022 20:25
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.
She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.
Childfree by Choice is their preferred term - as opposed to infertile or whatever.
She is then Child Less By Choice. CLBC. Children are not cooties or debt that you need to be free of. Of course, you could be a parent who deserts his/her children or does not acknowledge them or murders them -- by choice!
Also, the C for Choice very often stands for C for Circumstance. Else, the passive-aggressive snide remarks would not flow out so easily.
People who don’t want to have kids go by childfree. Not Child Less .
Infertile people are probably pretending to be childless by choice.
Not necessarily, but I doubt an infertile woman who is dealing with rotten luck is merrily checking out parenting topics and sneering at posters here because she’s happy in her life. The loser knows she’s been described so step back while she attempts to look cute for picking a topic completely irrelevant to her life and acting out. Poor thing.
Anonymous
05/15/2022 20:12
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.
She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.
Childfree by Choice is their preferred term - as opposed to infertile or whatever.
She is then Child Less By Choice. CLBC. Children are not cooties or debt that you need to be free of. Of course, you could be a parent who deserts his/her children or does not acknowledge them or murders them -- by choice!
Also, the C for Choice very often stands for C for Circumstance. Else, the passive-aggressive snide remarks would not flow out so easily.
People who don’t want to have kids go by childfree. Not Child Less .
Infertile people are probably pretending to be childless by choice.
Anonymous
05/15/2022 18:39
Subject: Re:Rude comments by childfree friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.
From abother CFBC person--agreed, if a friend is being rude about anything (this topic or others), why not bring it up with them?
I agree that what you're friend is doing IS rude and I would never do the same, about anything that a friend values. When thinking about where your friend is coming from, though, it is good to keep in mind where she might be coming from. People without children get a whole lot of unsolicited judgment from others on their life choices. I know OP is not doing this to their friend based on their posts in this thread (and these kinds of judgmental statements are far more likely to come from near-strangers than from friends IME), but the general experience of this happening over and over again can prime someone to be defensive about their nonstandard choice.
Why TF are so many child free people on a parenting forum??? What is wrong with you?
The whining turns us on.[/quote
Not weird that you’re on DCUM. Pretty weird that you get off commenting on parenting.
That book you're using as a doorstop is a dictionary
Get it and look up. "facetious."
You should hit up “self-serious” first. My, my, my, aren’t you ticked when your loserrific little online habit gets pointed out to you! Since you’re so free, shouldn’t you be plotting your ascent to K2 and attempting to find a personal life? Awww. Best to you.