Anonymous wrote:I can understand not wanting to leave a teen alone, but I can't understand at all not being able to go to a family wedding for your own family without your DH.

Anonymous wrote:The more I think about this, the weirdest part is that OP wouldn’t just go without DH. That makes me think both sisters are doing this on purpose in some sort of toxic sister showdown.

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am with you.
Inviting/disinviting your daughter was a shitty move.

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Anonymous wrote: OP, as the mom of a child with SN-I probably would not go.

The sister knows her niece has sn and can't be left alone. She has no right to be angry at OP for not wanting to leave behind her dd, sister's niece. I bet the parents feel the same way and that is why they may not come.

OP here. Thank you for saying this.

But this is not fair; your daughter doesn’t need both parents. I’m SURE your husband has been with her on his own for a couple of hours. I think you need to take ownership of your decision- if you aren’t willing to go to your own sister’s reception it’s NOT because your daughter needs you. It’s because you aren’t willing to be a little uncomfortable going with out your husband, either because you are very anxious or your mad at your sister for how this was handled. I’m a PP who also has a child with some special needs and I very very rarely leave my child with a babysitter so I totally understand that part of the decision making. But you can still go, and pretending you can’t isn’t helpful. I think that’s what most of us are reacting very strongly to.

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t leave my teen alone in a hotel. No way, no how. So yes, I would have done the same thing as you.

Strike this, I misread your husband as not traveling. If he is traveling with you, I would have him stay at the hotel with the teen and go solo to the reception.

But in no way would I leave the teen alone in another city in a hotel.

Are you kidding? I'd do this without a second thought. She (presumably) has a phone - order room service, bolt the door, and she'll be fine.

Not kidding at all. I’m not comfortable with the idea that other people can have a key to the room including master keys that override the deadbolt. Many hotels have policies about unattended minors on the premises as well. We all have our limits but that’s one of mine.

All hotels have security features for doors, such as chins. This kind of fear is completely irrational, and can become debilitating.

Seems like that’s a parenting choice you would make but I’ll stick with my own. I’d still go with my husband to this wedding, but on this particular count, I’m with OP.

OP here. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't add up, because every wedding I have ever been to has been open bar and most have had kids. In no way does open bar mean kids can't be there. I had an open bar and 10 teenage cousins at my wedding.

I suspect that might be why your parents are mad. Your sister is not prohibited from including you child. She chose not to.


Regardless, your sister gets to choose the invitees and you (and your parents) get to choose whether or not to attend. End of story. She doesn't get to be mad that you elect not to go under the circumstances she has chosen.

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Anonymous wrote: OP, as the mom of a child with SN-I probably would not go.

The sister knows her niece has sn and can't be left alone. She has no right to be angry at OP for not wanting to leave behind her dd, sister's niece. I bet the parents feel the same way and that is why they may not come.

OP here. Thank you for saying this.

Anonymous wrote: OP, as the mom of a child with SN-I probably would not go.

The sister knows her niece has sn and can't be left alone. She has no right to be angry at OP for not wanting to leave behind her dd, sister's niece. I bet the parents feel the same way and that is why they may not come.

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t leave my teen alone in a hotel. No way, no how. So yes, I would have done the same thing as you.

Strike this, I misread your husband as not traveling. If he is traveling with you, I would have him stay at the hotel with the teen and go solo to the reception.

But in no way would I leave the teen alone in another city in a hotel.

Are you kidding? I'd do this without a second thought. She (presumably) has a phone - order room service, bolt the door, and she'll be fine.

Not kidding at all. I’m not comfortable with the idea that other people can have a key to the room including master keys that override the deadbolt. Many hotels have policies about unattended minors on the premises as well. We all have our limits but that’s one of mine.

All hotels have security features for doors, such as chins. This kind of fear is completely irrational, and can become debilitating.

+1

Stop trying to stir the pot, and just admit you can't be happy for your sister, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP you can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you had just told your sister you and your family couldn’t come because your DDs cognitive issues make it difficult to find a babysitter, you probably would have been fine. But by traveling to attend the ceremony, it makes you look extremely petty for not just attending the reception solo and letting your DH chill with DD at the hotel. Lying to your DD about the reception is also not going to fly because the reception will certainly come up at the ceremony or at some other point that weekend.

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Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t leave my teen alone in a hotel. No way, no how. So yes, I would have done the same thing as you.

Strike this, I misread your husband as not traveling. If he is traveling with you, I would have him stay at the hotel with the teen and go solo to the reception.

But in no way would I leave the teen alone in another city in a hotel.

Are you kidding? I'd do this without a second thought. She (presumably) has a phone - order room service, bolt the door, and she'll be fine.

Not kidding at all. I’m not comfortable with the idea that other people can have a key to the room including master keys that override the deadbolt. Many hotels have policies about unattended minors on the premises as well. We all have our limits but that’s one of mine.

All hotels have security features for doors, such as chins. This kind of fear is completely irrational, and can become debilitating.

Seems like that’s a parenting choice you would make but I’ll stick with my own. I’d still go with my husband to this wedding, but on this particular count, I’m with OP.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve read all the way through and I still think you should go. DH and daughter should have a fun movie and pizza picnic at the hotel while you go to the grownup party. Your sister is very hurt. She obviously wants you there. There is NO reasonable reason not to go. It’s rare to find DCUM unanimous in this but it is clear that you should go. Your sister will be MUCH more hurt and pretty much forever, vs your daughter who can have fun with her dad at a hotel and will have enjoyed the ceremony earlier. Your daughter has enough cognitive awareness to understand that some things are for kids and some just grownups. You can simply say your sister thought at first that she could come to the after party but then found out the rules said she couldn’t.

Your parents are absolutely off the chain and them not attending is unforgivable. If you think it is because of your daughter you had better be VERY clear with them that you don’t want them to do that.