Anonymous wrote:Aaand this same guy just told me he loves me. On our theirs date. No we have not been intimate.

^third

Aaand this same guy just told me he loves me. On our theirs date. No we have not been intimate.

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Anonymous wrote:Odd that people think this is a red flag. Not everyone chooses to marry for love. I'd be more interested in why he married her if he didn't love her. Maybe she got pregnant first, and he was trying to "do the right thing." Who knows.

True. But the red flag is not owning it and blaming the lack of love for divorce. You cannot get married to someone you don't love from the beginning and then changing your mind and divorcing them after 3 kids because you realize love is important in a marriage.

You certainly can do that.

You can if you are looking for a douchebag. You found one.

Not everyone who divorces is a douchebag. The guy was being honest. I would take that any day over other divorce explanations.

So I saw him again and asked him about this. Surprised me by saying he thinks he didn’t know what love was insofar as he was so self-seeking at the time and now understands if more altruistically. I invisibly facepalmed. Also confessed a long history of serial infidelity, that he regrets and is ashamed of, so there’s that.

Good for you. He is clearly a smooth talking douchebag.

He is not even a smooth talker.

This is one of those people that doesn’t understand love.

They chase new relationship energy and use it to self soothe.

Then when that runs out: I never loved them. They didn’t mean anything to me.

They will say thus about their spouse, their affair partners, etc. They have a revisionist history. But they will use rise colored glasses to romanticize certain long ago relationships.

It’s a sickness. I wouldn’t touch this guy with a 10-foot pole.

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Anonymous wrote:Odd that people think this is a red flag. Not everyone chooses to marry for love. I'd be more interested in why he married her if he didn't love her. Maybe she got pregnant first, and he was trying to "do the right thing." Who knows.

True. But the red flag is not owning it and blaming the lack of love for divorce. You cannot get married to someone you don't love from the beginning and then changing your mind and divorcing them after 3 kids because you realize love is important in a marriage.

You certainly can do that.

You can if you are looking for a douchebag. You found one.

Not everyone who divorces is a douchebag. The guy was being honest. I would take that any day over other divorce explanations.

So I saw him again and asked him about this. Surprised me by saying he thinks he didn’t know what love was insofar as he was so self-seeking at the time and now understands if more altruistically. I invisibly facepalmed. Also confessed a long history of serial infidelity, that he regrets and is ashamed of, so there’s that.

LOL not a good outcome for posters who were defending him but glad you saw him for what he is.

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Anonymous wrote:Odd that people think this is a red flag. Not everyone chooses to marry for love. I'd be more interested in why he married her if he didn't love her. Maybe she got pregnant first, and he was trying to "do the right thing." Who knows.

True. But the red flag is not owning it and blaming the lack of love for divorce. You cannot get married to someone you don't love from the beginning and then changing your mind and divorcing them after 3 kids because you realize love is important in a marriage.

You certainly can do that.

You can if you are looking for a douchebag. You found one.

Not everyone who divorces is a douchebag. The guy was being honest. I would take that any day over other divorce explanations.

So I saw him again and asked him about this. Surprised me by saying he thinks he didn’t know what love was insofar as he was so self-seeking at the time and now understands if more altruistically. I invisibly facepalmed. Also confessed a long history of serial infidelity, that he regrets and is ashamed of, so there’s that.

Good for you. He is clearly a smooth talking douchebag.

Anonymous wrote:Mine are smoking and substance abuse/alcoholism. I could probably forgive some infidelity if the day to day were okay.

Having low standards wouldn't serve you well.