Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

The only way she can “put you in your place” is if she is asserting her own dominance by claiming the front seat for herself. The simple solution here is to take the power away from her by offering her the seat. Before you all get to the car, just say “MIL, would you like to sit up front? I know you don’t get to see DH as much as I do.” Then you are back in control, because you are making the decision to offer it rather than her taking something from you. And the last part about how she doesn’t see him as much implicitly asserts your primary position, which will drive her nuts.

The bolded is mean. The fact is, you do get to see him way more than she does, everyone knows it, so why not be gracious. You've already won the prize, so why not be kind about it?

I would let any of our parents sit in front because they're old and it's easier. My mom sometimes chooses to be in the back with the kids but that's her choice. I think the MIL "insisting" is weird.

You should drive next time!

There is no rule in our family, whoever comes first to the car, takes front seat, no matter whose car it is or who is driving. My DIL prefers to sit with me as she doesn't get to visit often and always has tons of stories to share.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

The only way she can “put you in your place” is if she is asserting her own dominance by claiming the front seat for herself. The simple solution here is to take the power away from her by offering her the seat. Before you all get to the car, just say “MIL, would you like to sit up front? I know you don’t get to see DH as much as I do.” Then you are back in control, because you are making the decision to offer it rather than her taking something from you. And the last part about how she doesn’t see him as much implicitly asserts your primary position, which will drive her nuts.

NP. I love this.

Anonymous wrote:age before beauty!

Okay but be ready for “pearls before swine”

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

The only way she can “put you in your place” is if she is asserting her own dominance by claiming the front seat for herself. The simple solution here is to take the power away from her by offering her the seat. Before you all get to the car, just say “MIL, would you like to sit up front? I know you don’t get to see DH as much as I do.” Then you are back in control, because you are making the decision to offer it rather than her taking something from you. And the last part about how she doesn’t see him as much implicitly asserts your primary position, which will drive her nuts.

age before beauty!

Anonymous wrote:Curious how this is in your families. My MiL insists on sitting in the front next to her son (my husband). My husband sees nothing wrong with that.

My father-in-law normally sits in the front with my husband. If he's not with us then my MIL would sit in the front.

I don't care to call for shotgun. You must not like your MIL. LOL.

Anonymous wrote:MIL would always sit in the front seat with DH. FWIW she'd never ask, she'd just assume and open the front door and get in. DH asked me if I was okay and I said sure. I get car sick easily but would take meds and let MIL enjoy her time sitting next to her son.

The only time I thought it would have been nice for her to trade was when I couldn't fight the car sickness despite the meds and we actually had to pull over so I could throw up on the side of the winding road. It would have been nice of her to offer to switch at that point but it wasn't her style.

Your DH is a momma's boy for not insisting that you sit in front.

I get carsick, and my DH knows it, so I sit in the front.

MIL would always sit in the front seat with DH. FWIW she'd never ask, she'd just assume and open the front door and get in. DH asked me if I was okay and I said sure. I get car sick easily but would take meds and let MIL enjoy her time sitting next to her son.

The only time I thought it would have been nice for her to trade was when I couldn't fight the car sickness despite the meds and we actually had to pull over so I could throw up on the side of the winding road. It would have been nice of her to offer to switch at that point but it wasn't her style.

My MIL and I have a long tradition of duking it out in the parking lot of the Golden Corral each Sunday after we've had all we could eat. Whoever's left standing gets the front seat. It seems to work for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This should not be a question, and the fact it is, says your DH is a douche or a momma's boy.

Unless there is a medical reason, like she gets motion sickness, the MIL sits in the back.

Are you from a conservative family or something?

wow.

double wow

Triple wow. The sad thing is that she probably doesn't realize why all the "wows." Imagine knowing her IRL.

I'm the first PP, and I'm Asian American.

My mom and MIL both sit in the back unless they have health issues.

I hope you remember this when your kids put you in a crappy nursing home.

My spouse and I take care of our moms as much as we can; we live thousands of miles away. They are both in their 80s, and they both live at home. I help my mom pay her bills. If they need nursing care, we'd help pay for that and make sure it's a nice place.

Why would it be any harder to get out of the car sitting in the passenger side if there are four doors?

Like I said, unless there is a health issue, why do people assume the MIL gets to sit up front?

IMO, that assumption typifies the hierarchical nature of the MIL/DIL dynamic. In my marriage, my MIL nor my mother dictate anything about our lives.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for calling out my pettiness. I will try my best to overlook this and not be bothered by it.

Does it matter that my MiL is 59? She is in good health. Yes, I do not like her and I do feel she insists on the front seat to “put me in my place.”

If you must be petty, be petty by being the bigger person. You can still get digs in if you really must. Hold the door open for her, ask her if she needs help with her seat belt. Make a comment about limited time left. You can do better with your pettiness.

No sane mom would ask for it unless a health issue and no sane wife would care about it if its a health issue. If its just a signal to show hierarchy, y'all have bigger problems.