Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would offer to pay but only continue to date men who insisted on paying. To me, them paying means they are serious about the date or enjoyed the date. If they don’t insist then probably the feelings weren’t mutual. It sounds like the latter is the case with you because you didn’t ask them out again. I usually pay for every third to fourth date or will plan an evening where I cook.

PP - with that said, I would watch what I order and order a comparable or more inexpensive meal so to lessen the burden. Eg. I would not order an appetizer and only one drink or no drink. No dessert. Unless he wanted to share. Save the fancy full course meal for when we are exclusive and it is a special occasion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always offered to split and never accepted a second date from a man who took me up on it. I’ve been happily married for more than ten years to a man who isn’t hurt by a $150 restaurant bill and who is generous and well mannered— all very important things to know about a potential partner up front! Every part of a date is an audition.

With all due respect, your opinion on this is invalid if you've been married for the last 10 years.

I’ll accept that feedback, though it sounds from this thread like others still follow this advice.

Here’s my logic, as a happily married person, take it for what it’s worth:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

If you go on dates without paying, aren't you, in your words "sav[ing] money on another person"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always offered to split and never accepted a second date from a man who took me up on it. I’ve been happily married for more than ten years to a man who isn’t hurt by a $150 restaurant bill and who is generous and well mannered— all very important things to know about a potential partner up front! Every part of a date is an audition.

With all due respect, your opinion on this is invalid if you've been married for the last 10 years.

I’ll accept that feedback, though it sounds from this thread like others still follow this advice.

Here’s my logic, as a happily married person, take it for what it’s worth:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

If you go on dates without paying, aren't you, in your words "sav[ing] money on another person"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always offered to split and never accepted a second date from a man who took me up on it. I’ve been happily married for more than ten years to a man who isn’t hurt by a $150 restaurant bill and who is generous and well mannered— all very important things to know about a potential partner up front! Every part of a date is an audition.

With all due respect, your opinion on this is invalid if you've been married for the last 10 years.

I’ll accept that feedback, though it sounds from this thread like others still follow this advice.

Here’s my logic, as a happily married person, take it for what it’s worth:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

I'm a woman. This "logic" is crazy, and you must hang out with or know some really strange people. Your examples are just beyond ridiculous and do not prove any kind of point. Seriously - I do not know one couple where either of them gets a new car every year, let alone just the man. And families where only the man flies business? I fly all the time and have never seen this.

I know several couples where the man gets a new car every year or every other year. In the case of a couple I know that is currently divorcing the woman has had the same car for six years even though it has been in an accident— her husband drives a new Audi.

I also fly business class for work: I have seen more than a dozen instances of a man who was seated near me in business reunites at the end of the jetway with a wife and kids who were clearly not in business with him.

How would you suggest that people screen for generosity while dating? I’m all about hearing what is more up to date for when my children start dating! I can’t think of great ways that don’t involve a lot of wasted time.

I disagree that first date check-splitting psychology is an all-encompassing test for generosity. It's fine that your view is your own. I have the patience and a deep enough pocket to suss out generosity in more ways.

Generosity test: how do they treat panhandlers? They usually give them money......

Anonymous wrote:I would offer to pay but only continue to date men who insisted on paying. To me, them paying means they are serious about the date or enjoyed the date. If they don’t insist then probably the feelings weren’t mutual. It sounds like the latter is the case with you because you didn’t ask them out again. I usually pay for every third to fourth date or will plan an evening where I cook.

Anonymous wrote: Also, FWIW, I am a woman and the one who always flies business due to a health issue. My DH and kids usually now also fly business, but that was not always the case. I have also seen plenty of men - and women - encourage their spouse to take their business seat, or switch during the flight.