You are making this all about you and what you want, when it’s obvious your wife is overwhelmed and possibly depressed. I’m guessing you are like that in all aspects of your relationship and she just doesn’t have the bandwidth to cater to you anymore.

Ask your wife what *she needs* to recharge and refuel. Hint: it’s NOT dates. She probably needs you to step it up at home, to pursue her own interests, to have alone time, a social life, etc. Once she feels like a whole person again and not just mom/wife/maid/worker, she’ll have the energy to do more for your relationship.

But it’ll never work if you approach it with the attitude of doing it for you. You need to care about your wife as a human being with her own needs, not as a object made to serve your needs.

The problem with sweat pants (or any stretch clothing) is that you don't notice any expansion that occurs over time until it is significant. Wearing pants and jeans on a regular basis keeps you in touch with the condition of your waistline and a$$.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

This sounds like a control issue for you, then. Explore why it’s important to you to be able to tell your wife what she can’t wear/how often she can’t wear something.

This advice does not make any sense. How does OP's wanting his wife to dress up sometimes = OP thinks it is important to tell his wife what she can wear. One is a preference, which we all have, and the other is a command. The two concepts are not remotely similar.

It’s not the wanting. As you say, thats a preference to which he is entitled. It is the fact that he describes himself as pissed off because she is not actively trying to please him that is controlling.

The poor guy wants his wife to occasionally put on some jeans and he’s controlling? Yikes, I bet you are fun at parties!

Exactly. How is not wanting your spouse to wear sweats on a dinner date controlling? There are far too many looney tunes on this forum.

The reading comprehension levels here are really dismal. OP can want anything in the universe. It’s getting pissed off when someone doesn’t cater to his wants that is controlling. I want my husband to bring me my coffee in bed this morning. If I get pissed off that he doesn’t, that’s a problem.

How about you suggest she take her sweatpants off.... and out nothing back on?

Anonymous wrote:Glad my DH isn’t a jerk like you.

+1
I'd be pissed if my husband thought this! Since WFH, I live in my lululemons and keep a nice top and blazer by my desk for important "zoom meetings". I don't wear it 30 seconds longer than the meeting and I'm back in comfy clothes. My husband has worn the same 4 outfits for 2 years. Doesn't bother me at all!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wear black leggings every single day. I'm in shape and shop at Dollar Tree.

You have an unreasonable expecttation for her not to wear comfortable clothes at home.

If she does not want to go on a date, that is a different issue. I stopped going anywhere with my exH well before divorce.

Sure, Jan. I'm picturing People of Walmart fodder....

I look like Jessica Biel, so whatever. Cards, wrapping paper, hair accessories and plastic containers are cheap at the Dollar Tree. But you keep wasting money…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a guy who flexes in the bathroom mirror and whacks off with a belt around his neck. Probably hits on waitresses and sculpts his chest hair. Loved pledging his frat. Wouldn’t necessarily have been an eager Nazi but given his physical prowess and penchant for exercise would have found Hitler youth camp intoxicating.

OP here,

Don’t knock auto erotic asphyxiation until you try it. Thanks for believing I would be a reluctant Nazi 😂. Maybe just a French collaborator?

Well, I will begrudgingly admit this is a more charming reply than I anticipated, and evidences a sense of humor.

I hereby reverse my position. Let’s get this broad to fix herself up once in a while.

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a guy who flexes in the bathroom mirror and whacks off with a belt around his neck. Probably hits on waitresses and sculpts his chest hair. Loved pledging his frat. Wouldn’t necessarily have been an eager Nazi but given his physical prowess and penchant for exercise would have found Hitler youth camp intoxicating.

Dramatic much? Hits waitresses because he'd prefer his wife not wear sweats out to dinner? Smh. You people are insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

This sounds like a control issue for you, then. Explore why it’s important to you to be able to tell your wife what she can’t wear/how often she can’t wear something.

This advice does not make any sense. How does OP's wanting his wife to dress up sometimes = OP thinks it is important to tell his wife what she can wear. One is a preference, which we all have, and the other is a command. The two concepts are not remotely similar.

It’s not the wanting. As you say, thats a preference to which he is entitled. It is the fact that he describes himself as pissed off because she is not actively trying to please him that is controlling.

The poor guy wants his wife to occasionally put on some jeans and he’s controlling? Yikes, I bet you are fun at parties!

Exactly. How is not wanting your spouse to wear sweats on a dinner date controlling? There are far too many looney tunes on this forum.

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a guy who flexes in the bathroom mirror and whacks off with a belt around his neck. Probably hits on waitresses and sculpts his chest hair. Loved pledging his frat. Wouldn’t necessarily have been an eager Nazi but given his physical prowess and penchant for exercise would have found Hitler youth camp intoxicating.

OP here,

Don’t knock auto erotic asphyxiation until you try it. Thanks for believing I would be a reluctant Nazi 😂. Maybe just a French collaborator?

OP sounds like a guy who flexes in the bathroom mirror and whacks off with a belt around his neck. Probably hits on waitresses and sculpts his chest hair. Loved pledging his frat. Wouldn’t necessarily have been an eager Nazi but given his physical prowess and penchant for exercise would have found Hitler youth camp intoxicating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman, and really surprised by how many people jumped on the OP.. I disagree that A. sweatpants look good on anybody, B. OP can't express how he feels, and C. he can't ask for something to change so he feels better.

OP, I'd focus on the fact that your wife didn't want to get dressed up to go on a date. I would talk to her and say you're worried about her mental health because she doesn't want to go on a date with you, is she okay, does she need help finding a therapist to talk with, etc.

OP here. I apologize for not being clear. My wife will go out on a date, but a date at a place where sweatpants are generally frowned upon is no-go.

Thank you for clarifying. That's still an issue to be addressed. How far does this go? Would she refuse to attend a wedding because sweatpants would be frowned upon? A funeral? Jury duty (although I've seen defendants wearing sweatpants there)?

My wife would not wear sweatpants to a wedding, funeral, or job interview. She has not attended any of those events since COVID started. She has worn sweatpants to jury duty.

Sweatpants should stay in the home, to and from a workout, or you are recovering from some medical issue.

Otherwise they should not be worn in public. Same with PJ pants

I’m sorry the modern world is so hard for you.

It’s not hard for me. I get dressed properly everyday. I have a great career, leave the house every day and care about my appearance.

I’m sorry life is hard for OP. I wouldn’t stay married to a sloppy person.

Cleariy it is, because you’re on the internet whining about why total strangers won’t wear what you think they “should” in public.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

This sounds like a control issue for you, then. Explore why it’s important to you to be able to tell your wife what she can’t wear/how often she can’t wear something.

This advice does not make any sense. How does OP's wanting his wife to dress up sometimes = OP thinks it is important to tell his wife what she can wear. One is a preference, which we all have, and the other is a command. The two concepts are not remotely similar.

It’s not the wanting. As you say, thats a preference to which he is entitled. It is the fact that he describes himself as pissed off because she is not actively trying to please him that is controlling.

The poor guy wants his wife to occasionally put on some jeans and he’s controlling? Yikes, I bet you are fun at parties!

DP. I wouldn't use the word controlling, exactly. But it feels like he and some of the other posters here are a little too identified with their marriages. Do I like it when my partner looks nice? Sure. Do I care what he chooses to wear? Um, no. I don't think twice about it because I have a life. And I feel confident enough in myself not to feel like what someone else does in their daily life has anything to do with me.

When you're confident it helps other people around you feel good about themselves. OP should try nitpicking less -- maybe his wife will start to shine a little more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give the OP a brief benefit of the doubt by asking a follow up: OP what do you mean by “dressed up”. Do you mean a dress and heels or do you mean jeans and a cute sweater?

Your wife not wanting to perform for you (and a dress and heels for no particular reason is a performance, especially since they typically come with shaved or waxed legs and makeup and done hair) should absolutely not be something that “pisses you off”. That’s a drastic overreaction. If your frustration is over being limited in restaurant venues to places that consider sweats acceptable, you have my sympathy.

I'm the OP. I am not exactly sure what "performing" means. But if it means looking sexually enticing in public, I do not care about that. Nor do I care about heels or makeup. I have always thought makeup is kind of weird. But there comes a point where she has been wearing sweatpants every day for more than two years gets frustrating. I feel like its sort of a symbol of giving up on ever trying to look good for your partner. And it also has the unwanted side-effect of limiting date venues.

This sounds like a control issue for you, then. Explore why it’s important to you to be able to tell your wife what she can’t wear/how often she can’t wear something.

This advice does not make any sense. How does OP's wanting his wife to dress up sometimes = OP thinks it is important to tell his wife what she can wear. One is a preference, which we all have, and the other is a command. The two concepts are not remotely similar.

It’s not the wanting. As you say, thats a preference to which he is entitled. It is the fact that he describes himself as pissed off because she is not actively trying to please him that is controlling.

The poor guy wants his wife to occasionally put on some jeans and he’s controlling? Yikes, I bet you are fun at parties!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman, and really surprised by how many people jumped on the OP.. I disagree that A. sweatpants look good on anybody, B. OP can't express how he feels, and C. he can't ask for something to change so he feels better.

OP, I'd focus on the fact that your wife didn't want to get dressed up to go on a date. I would talk to her and say you're worried about her mental health because she doesn't want to go on a date with you, is she okay, does she need help finding a therapist to talk with, etc.

OP here. I apologize for not being clear. My wife will go out on a date, but a date at a place where sweatpants are generally frowned upon is no-go.

Thank you for clarifying. That's still an issue to be addressed. How far does this go? Would she refuse to attend a wedding because sweatpants would be frowned upon? A funeral? Jury duty (although I've seen defendants wearing sweatpants there)?

My wife would not wear sweatpants to a wedding, funeral, or job interview. She has not attended any of those events since COVID started. She has worn sweatpants to jury duty.

Sweatpants should stay in the home, to and from a workout, or you are recovering from some medical issue.

Otherwise they should not be worn in public. Same with PJ pants

I’m sorry the modern world is so hard for you.

It’s not hard for me. I get dressed properly everyday. I have a great career, leave the house every day and care about my appearance.

I’m sorry life is hard for OP. I wouldn’t stay married to a sloppy person.

I wouldn't marry someone who cared more about how I look than how I feel.