With Covid, stay home. You cannot do anything for the dead and if you were there the past two weeks that is far more important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the suggestion to discuss a future visit to your MIL when Covid gets better. It was probably worth the risk to take your unvaxxed toddlers to Wyoming when FIL was still alive, but he has passed now. Funerals are for the living, and toddlers shouldn’t have to support anyone with their presence. DH is surely grieving but his #1 priority should still be his kids and if they just spent 2 weeks in WY, they are likely exhausted and off schedule. I wouldn’t drag them back there so soon, during a pandemic, but I would take them in a few months when everything calms down. I am sure your MIL would love to see all of you at that point. She will need the support. And you should do everything else you can do to support DH: listen to him, give him space to think while you pick up extra work at home and with the kids, discuss grief counseling with him, etc. Good luck and be gentle, these things are so hard.

He straight out asked her for what he needed! Y’all are something else.

And I’m saying that what he asked for might not be the best thing for his very young children who just spent 2 weeks in Wyoming. His first priority should be his kids regardless of what else is going on.

So it was fine to risk his toddlers health for COVID 2 weeks ago, not prioritize their health then, but now it's too much. Interesting.

If you go back and read my comments you’ll see Covid was only half of it. That’s a lot of travel and time away from home for a couple of toddlers. Everyone is different but in my household the adults are expected to manage their emotions and do what’s best for their kids. And that’s what we would think is best. I understand that other posters have different opinions, I’m just sharing mine.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the suggestion to discuss a future visit to your MIL when Covid gets better. It was probably worth the risk to take your unvaxxed toddlers to Wyoming when FIL was still alive, but he has passed now. Funerals are for the living, and toddlers shouldn’t have to support anyone with their presence. DH is surely grieving but his #1 priority should still be his kids and if they just spent 2 weeks in WY, they are likely exhausted and off schedule. I wouldn’t drag them back there so soon, during a pandemic, but I would take them in a few months when everything calms down. I am sure your MIL would love to see all of you at that point. She will need the support. And you should do everything else you can do to support DH: listen to him, give him space to think while you pick up extra work at home and with the kids, discuss grief counseling with him, etc. Good luck and be gentle, these things are so hard.

But I thought your argument was toddlers don't exist to emotionally support adults. PP was right you people really are something else.

Not only do you think OP should abandon her husband who has told her he needs her with him, but she should also tell him he is being selfish and exercising poor judgment as a parent. It's no wonder most of y'all are in miserable marriages.

Anonymous wrote:Toddlers at funerals is inappropriate. My husbands grandma died in June and all the great grands attended and it was very confusing and sad for them. Don’t do it.

That is up to the family whether it is appropriate or not. Anecdotally adults who have the biggest hangups with death come from families with your attitude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the suggestion to discuss a future visit to your MIL when Covid gets better. It was probably worth the risk to take your unvaxxed toddlers to Wyoming when FIL was still alive, but he has passed now. Funerals are for the living, and toddlers shouldn’t have to support anyone with their presence. DH is surely grieving but his #1 priority should still be his kids and if they just spent 2 weeks in WY, they are likely exhausted and off schedule. I wouldn’t drag them back there so soon, during a pandemic, but I would take them in a few months when everything calms down. I am sure your MIL would love to see all of you at that point. She will need the support. And you should do everything else you can do to support DH: listen to him, give him space to think while you pick up extra work at home and with the kids, discuss grief counseling with him, etc. Good luck and be gentle, these things are so hard.

He straight out asked her for what he needed! Y’all are something else.

And I’m saying that what he asked for might not be the best thing for his very young children who just spent 2 weeks in Wyoming. His first priority should be his kids regardless of what else is going on.

So it was fine to risk his toddlers health for COVID 2 weeks ago, not prioritize their health then, but now it's too much. Interesting.

Toddlers at funerals is inappropriate. My husbands grandma died in June and all the great grands attended and it was very confusing and sad for them. Don’t do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the suggestion to discuss a future visit to your MIL when Covid gets better. It was probably worth the risk to take your unvaxxed toddlers to Wyoming when FIL was still alive, but he has passed now. Funerals are for the living, and toddlers shouldn’t have to support anyone with their presence. DH is surely grieving but his #1 priority should still be his kids and if they just spent 2 weeks in WY, they are likely exhausted and off schedule. I wouldn’t drag them back there so soon, during a pandemic, but I would take them in a few months when everything calms down. I am sure your MIL would love to see all of you at that point. She will need the support. And you should do everything else you can do to support DH: listen to him, give him space to think while you pick up extra work at home and with the kids, discuss grief counseling with him, etc. Good luck and be gentle, these things are so hard.

He straight out asked her for what he needed! Y’all are something else.

It's because OP is a woman talking about her husband, if the roles were reversed people would be telling her to divorce the selfish bastard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the suggestion to discuss a future visit to your MIL when Covid gets better. It was probably worth the risk to take your unvaxxed toddlers to Wyoming when FIL was still alive, but he has passed now. Funerals are for the living, and toddlers shouldn’t have to support anyone with their presence. DH is surely grieving but his #1 priority should still be his kids and if they just spent 2 weeks in WY, they are likely exhausted and off schedule. I wouldn’t drag them back there so soon, during a pandemic, but I would take them in a few months when everything calms down. I am sure your MIL would love to see all of you at that point. She will need the support. And you should do everything else you can do to support DH: listen to him, give him space to think while you pick up extra work at home and with the kids, discuss grief counseling with him, etc. Good luck and be gentle, these things are so hard.

He straight out asked her for what he needed! Y’all are something else.

And I’m saying that what he asked for might not be the best thing for his very young children who just spent 2 weeks in Wyoming. His first priority should be his kids regardless of what else is going on.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the suggestion to discuss a future visit to your MIL when Covid gets better. It was probably worth the risk to take your unvaxxed toddlers to Wyoming when FIL was still alive, but he has passed now. Funerals are for the living, and toddlers shouldn’t have to support anyone with their presence. DH is surely grieving but his #1 priority should still be his kids and if they just spent 2 weeks in WY, they are likely exhausted and off schedule. I wouldn’t drag them back there so soon, during a pandemic, but I would take them in a few months when everything calms down. I am sure your MIL would love to see all of you at that point. She will need the support. And you should do everything else you can do to support DH: listen to him, give him space to think while you pick up extra work at home and with the kids, discuss grief counseling with him, etc. Good luck and be gentle, these things are so hard.

He straight out asked her for what he needed! Y’all are something else.

My dad died in 2019. I did not want my toddlers around. I wanted to be a mourning daughter, not a stressed out mother.

That being said, everyone is different. I would, honestly, defer to your husband on this.

I agree with the suggestion to discuss a future visit to your MIL when Covid gets better. It was probably worth the risk to take your unvaxxed toddlers to Wyoming when FIL was still alive, but he has passed now. Funerals are for the living, and toddlers shouldn’t have to support anyone with their presence. DH is surely grieving but his #1 priority should still be his kids and if they just spent 2 weeks in WY, they are likely exhausted and off schedule. I wouldn’t drag them back there so soon, during a pandemic, but I would take them in a few months when everything calms down. I am sure your MIL would love to see all of you at that point. She will need the support. And you should do everything else you can do to support DH: listen to him, give him space to think while you pick up extra work at home and with the kids, discuss grief counseling with him, etc. Good luck and be gentle, these things are so hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to suck it up and go. This is your spouse's parent.

I have only had regret over not attending a funeral or other family milestone event.

I've lost two family members I loved very much during COVID. It sucked royally watching their funerals on FB Live instead of flying across the country.

I still don't regret not going one bit, and my close extended family agree and understand.

PP, I'm sorry for your losses. I also lost two family members in 2020 and 2021. One was my only sibling. I did not go to either funeral and family was fine -- in fact they said they did not want anyone traveling at those points in time. Very small services, local attendees only. No resentments.

I truly wonder if the people here so very shrilly yelling that there is zero reason ever to miss a funeral, OP must go or her marriage will die, her DH gets to call 100 percent of the shots, etc., actually have been bereaved during this pandemic and had to make the same choice that OP is facing. They certainly seem invested in dictating to her what she must do or her marriage and apparently all social norms will collapse.

No one has said there is zero reason to miss a funeral. What people have said is this. Her husband has experienced a very difficult loss and specifically said he needs his family to be there. It is his father, not just some relative. Omicron isnt killing people, even little kids who aren’t vaccinated, so their kids lives are not at risk. They are not a particularly cautious family as evidenced by their recent air travel. OP’s reason for not wanting to go is that she’s tired but when your spouse tells you that they need you, you suck it up and rest later.

It sucks all around. But you don’t abandon your spouse when they tell you they need you.

I too would be so sad if my spouse had reacted as OP did and then crowd sourced whether she should go. Honestly it never would have crossed my mind to stay home. I am guessing that those who think it’s ok havent lost a parent and lack the imagination to foresee just how difficult it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to suck it up and go. This is your spouse's parent.

I have only had regret over not attending a funeral or other family milestone event.

I've lost two family members I loved very much during COVID. It sucked royally watching their funerals on FB Live instead of flying across the country.

I still don't regret not going one bit, and my close extended family agree and understand.

PP, I'm sorry for your losses. I also lost two family members in 2020 and 2021. One was my only sibling. I did not go to either funeral and family was fine -- in fact they said they did not want anyone traveling at those points in time. Very small services, local attendees only. No resentments.

I truly wonder if the people here so very shrilly yelling that there is zero reason ever to miss a funeral, OP must go or her marriage will die, her DH gets to call 100 percent of the shots, etc., actually have been bereaved during this pandemic and had to make the same choice that OP is facing. They certainly seem invested in dictating to her what she must do or her marriage and apparently all social norms will collapse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think another poster mentioned this, but if this were a DW posted saying she wanted her DH at her dad’s funeral to support her, but he said he thought she should go alone and he’d stay home with the kids, everyone would pile on and talk about what a shitty, unsupportive DH she has.

DH specifically voiced what he needed in a time that should be about him, and not about the wife’s convenience. Maybe some of you would rather go to the funeral alone. That’s fine. That’s valid. But the person grieving in this relationship says he needs something different.

+1000

DP. What is with all of you people insisting the OP thinks this is about what is convenient for her? JFC. Are you unaware that there is still a pandemic on, the variant spreading like wildfire is many times more easily transmitted than earlier variants, and she and her husband have two children too young to be vaccinated? Maybe you're also "Kids won't get very sick, let 'em get it" advocates too. That's not about convenience, it's about making a choice during a serious public health event.

Before you go off on "but but but they were just there anyway so OP really doesn't care about omicron, she's just tired" -- She and DH likely could choose whom they and the kids saw when there on a family trip. Very different from dragging kids to a funeral where there will be other people whom OP and her DH may not even know very well. Yes, I mean relatives too.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those times when DH gets to call the shots. This can be an inflection point in a marriage. If you aren't there for DH when he is grieving, what is the point of the marriage? It sounds like you are exhausted which is understandable but you need to suck it up and go with zero complaints. You were just in Wyoming so you can't play the covid card just when it is convenient.

The bold is nonsense. Going for a planned visit where you can limit the people you see and limit where and when you see them is not at all the same thing as hauling yourself to a funeral (and possibly other events like a wake, viewing, lunch, dinner where all family are "expected" to attend) where there are going to be who knows what other relatives and friends of the FIL.

If you cannot see the difference between those two situations regarding respective levels of covid risk, you are incapable of reasoning.