Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC is a really good suggestion, even if she isn’t particularly into the idea. If she wants to go, there’s a solution that isn’t crippling loans. That should interest her.

Committing years of your life to military service when you don’t want to be there doesn’t sound like a really good idea.

Yet educational funding one of the largest drivers in enlistment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college. Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to. This is not a deadbeat situation A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it. Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary. OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided. She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.

Yes, we DK the dad's side, but the dad SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIS DAUGHTER HE WASN'T GOING TO PAY FOR COLLEGE WAY BEFORE HE SIGNED THE FAFSA FORM AND, IF NOT THEN, DEFINITELY WHEN HE SIGNED IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. That's part of being a parent, having hard conversations with your kid. Yes, he is not obligated to pay but any parent worth their salt should have told the kid once they saw the kid was on a college track about what they would/not handle for college. The dad owed that to the kid.

I signed the FAFSA and told my kid two things:

1) I won’t stand in your way of applying and I will sign the FAFSA so you can be considered for aid, but I will not pay any gap between in-state VA and out-of-state Public.

2) I will similarly not sign a parent plus loan unless extremely limited circumstances occur like getting into an exclusive program at an elite university that puts you on track for a high-paying career. This is because I love you and don’t want you taking on debt without a very secure path to pay it off quickly. I also will not leverage my future as I approach retirement because I don’t want to be a financial burden on you as you start out your own life.

3) I have your in-state tuition covered with a prepaid plan. Please value that.

And what if your child’s only in-state public option is far inferior to other schools they get into?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC is a really good suggestion, even if she isn’t particularly into the idea. If she wants to go, there’s a solution that isn’t crippling loans. That should interest her.

Committing years of your life to military service when you don’t want to be there doesn’t sound like a really good idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college. Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to. This is not a deadbeat situation A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it. Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary. OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided. She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.

Yes, we DK the dad's side, but the dad SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIS DAUGHTER HE WASN'T GOING TO PAY FOR COLLEGE WAY BEFORE HE SIGNED THE FAFSA FORM AND, IF NOT THEN, DEFINITELY WHEN HE SIGNED IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. That's part of being a parent, having hard conversations with your kid. Yes, he is not obligated to pay but any parent worth their salt should have told the kid once they saw the kid was on a college track about what they would/not handle for college. The dad owed that to the kid.

I signed the FAFSA and told my kid two things:

1) I won’t stand in your way of applying and I will sign the FAFSA so you can be considered for aid, but I will not pay any gap between in-state VA and out-of-state Public.

2) I will similarly not sign a parent plus loan unless extremely limited circumstances occur like getting into an exclusive program at an elite university that puts you on track for a high-paying career. This is because I love you and don’t want you taking on debt without a very secure path to pay it off quickly. I also will not leverage my future as I approach retirement because I don’t want to be a financial burden on you as you start out your own life.

3) I have your in-state tuition covered with a prepaid plan. Please value that.

And what if your child’s only in-state public option is far inferior to other schools they get into?

That’s life. I’m married and my kids has to take the affordable option over Georgetown or figure out how to pay for it.
No one is entitled to a college that is $75k a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college. Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to. This is not a deadbeat situation A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it. Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary. OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided. She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.

Yes, we DK the dad's side, but the dad SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIS DAUGHTER HE WASN'T GOING TO PAY FOR COLLEGE WAY BEFORE HE SIGNED THE FAFSA FORM AND, IF NOT THEN, DEFINITELY WHEN HE SIGNED IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. That's part of being a parent, having hard conversations with your kid. Yes, he is not obligated to pay but any parent worth their salt should have told the kid once they saw the kid was on a college track about what they would/not handle for college. The dad owed that to the kid.

I signed the FAFSA and told my kid two things:

1) I won’t stand in your way of applying and I will sign the FAFSA so you can be considered for aid, but I will not pay any gap between in-state VA and out-of-state Public.

2) I will similarly not sign a parent plus loan unless extremely limited circumstances occur like getting into an exclusive program at an elite university that puts you on track for a high-paying career. This is because I love you and don’t want you taking on debt without a very secure path to pay it off quickly. I also will not leverage my future as I approach retirement because I don’t want to be a financial burden on you as you start out your own life.

3) I have your in-state tuition covered with a prepaid plan. Please value that.

And what if your child’s only in-state public option is far inferior to other schools they get into?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college. Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to. This is not a deadbeat situation A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it. Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary. OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided. She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.

Yes, we DK the dad's side, but the dad SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIS DAUGHTER HE WASN'T GOING TO PAY FOR COLLEGE WAY BEFORE HE SIGNED THE FAFSA FORM AND, IF NOT THEN, DEFINITELY WHEN HE SIGNED IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. That's part of being a parent, having hard conversations with your kid. Yes, he is not obligated to pay but any parent worth their salt should have told the kid once they saw the kid was on a college track about what they would/not handle for college. The dad owed that to the kid.

I signed the FAFSA and told my kid two things:

1) I won’t stand in your way of applying and I will sign the FAFSA so you can be considered for aid, but I will not pay any gap between in-state VA and out-of-state Public.

2) I will similarly not sign a parent plus loan unless extremely limited circumstances occur like getting into an exclusive program at an elite university that puts you on track for a high-paying career. This is because I love you and don’t want you taking on debt without a very secure path to pay it off quickly. I also will not leverage my future as I approach retirement because I don’t want to be a financial burden on you as you start out your own life.

3) I have your in-state tuition covered with a prepaid plan. Please value that.

Anonymous wrote:ROTC is a really good suggestion, even if she isn’t particularly into the idea. If she wants to go, there’s a solution that isn’t crippling loans. That should interest her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college. Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to. This is not a deadbeat situation A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it. Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary. OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided. She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.

Yes, we DK the dad's side, but the dad SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIS DAUGHTER HE WASN'T GOING TO PAY FOR COLLEGE WAY BEFORE HE SIGNED THE FAFSA FORM AND, IF NOT THEN, DEFINITELY WHEN HE SIGNED IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. That's part of being a parent, having hard conversations with your kid. Yes, he is not obligated to pay but any parent worth their salt should have told the kid once they saw the kid was on a college track about what they would/not handle for college. The dad owed that to the kid.

Anonymous wrote:Dad is not obligated, legally or morally, to find private college. We don’t know what his finances are. If he can easily afford it, yes, it’s crappy of him not to pay, but we don’t know that’s the case. No one is entitled to a Cornell education. OP needs to decide if this is important enough to DD and her that they take out loans. Otherwise, she needs to find more affordable options.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No divorce decree would contain language like this. It might have language about contributing to a 529 and ownership of that account. But no MSA can require payment for college for a grown child"

Mine has it and the judge reviewed it carefully before approving it.

Same. The language can be put in if your ex agrees to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

Men want to be involved and consulted. In this case Mom made all the decisions and demands Dad pay for it. He is not under any obligation to pay and he may not be able to afford it. He makes slightly more than mom. He probably pays child support which would make it less for dad and more for mom. Mom cannot afford it. One could conclude neither can dad. Mom promised child an expensive education that neither parent can swing.

How do you know any of this? and finally, the dad SIGNED the FAFSA form. He also had a chance to ask questions and explain his plans. It's not a one way street. Did he think that his daughter was never going to become college age?

We don't know the entire situation. Signing the form and discussing it are two different things. He may have assumed daughter would get financial aid. When she didn't, mom got mad and expects Dad to pay. Why isn't mom paying for any of it?

No it is not "two different things." When the dad signed the form, if not earlier, he should have a conversation with his HS senior, who is clearly a strong student, about what, if any, obligations he felt had for her college. Even if the dad assumed that the daughter would get financial aid, he should have still had a conversation.

How is it so hard to understand how to be a good parent?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college. Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to. This is not a deadbeat situation A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it. Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary. OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided. She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.