Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 18:49     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Not specifically in this context, but I have success in looking narcissistic people directly in the eye and telling them “My life is not something for you to comment on. I did not invite your commentary. I don’t want it or need it, and I find it upsetting. It makes me feel like a thing and not a real person. Please cut it out.” I think some people have spent so much time commenting about other people that they really don’t realize that they shouldn’t do it.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 18:46     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Hotel or air b&b. Show up after lunch and be there for the one meal of the day at dinner and then leave.

Or just bring easy to make snacks and lunch and ignore the in laws.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 18:34     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing about this is a “typical story” and the fact that you are framing it that way suggests that you have normalized this in your own head to a dangerous extent.

Stay outside this home, do it for a short time, and serve your kids regular meals and snacks if they need them no matter what.


NP. If you’ve been on DCUM for a while, this is indeed a thing that seems to happen a lot when younger families visit older adults. Don’t believe me? Use the handy Search function and type in “no food in this house,” “ILs,” “visiting parents,” “starving,” etc. So get off your high horse. Anyone with critical thinking skills can deduce:

1) Many older adults stop eating as much and don’t remember what it’s like to have a healthy appetite
2) Dementia and early onset dementia are contributing factors
3) Depression-era food wasting/food scarcity/economic instability is in play
4) WASP-y eating disorders are in play

So yeah, in the world of DCUM, this is a thing, and it’s been discussed many times on these very boards.


It's not normal under any circumstances. Sorry, not sorry.


Fascinating, you are posting from 2012? I must warn you about a great pandemic that is going to happen in late 2019. Stock up on masks, toilet paper, Clorox wipes, and be sure to use all your airline miles before December 2019. Also, buy stock in Pfizer.


Still not sorry.

Also sorry you didn’t know that you didn’t need the Clorox wipes. But at the same time: not sorry.


It was a joke, and you’re still lame.


“Lame”? Are you visiting from 1989? lol


“LOL”? Having fun on your AIM chat?
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 18:25     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing about this is a “typical story” and the fact that you are framing it that way suggests that you have normalized this in your own head to a dangerous extent.

Stay outside this home, do it for a short time, and serve your kids regular meals and snacks if they need them no matter what.


NP. If you’ve been on DCUM for a while, this is indeed a thing that seems to happen a lot when younger families visit older adults. Don’t believe me? Use the handy Search function and type in “no food in this house,” “ILs,” “visiting parents,” “starving,” etc. So get off your high horse. Anyone with critical thinking skills can deduce:

1) Many older adults stop eating as much and don’t remember what it’s like to have a healthy appetite
2) Dementia and early onset dementia are contributing factors
3) Depression-era food wasting/food scarcity/economic instability is in play
4) WASP-y eating disorders are in play

So yeah, in the world of DCUM, this is a thing, and it’s been discussed many times on these very boards.


It's not normal under any circumstances. Sorry, not sorry.


Fascinating, you are posting from 2012? I must warn you about a great pandemic that is going to happen in late 2019. Stock up on masks, toilet paper, Clorox wipes, and be sure to use all your airline miles before December 2019. Also, buy stock in Pfizer.


Still not sorry.

Also sorry you didn’t know that you didn’t need the Clorox wipes. But at the same time: not sorry.


It was a joke, and you’re still lame.


“Lame”? Are you visiting from 1989? lol
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 18:08     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just buy your own food. Is your husband afraid to go buy some eggs and bread and cook them in the morning for the family at his parents house? You guys can’t go buy some lunch meat and bread to make sandwiches? Granola bars? Etc?


I am one of the people who stays at a hotel. My mother would lose her shit if I put things in her fridge or cooked in her kitchen without permission, or let my kids eat a granola bar in her apartment and a crumb fell. My kids don’t need to see that conflict, hence hotel.

I feel like people saying “just bring some eggs” don’t get eating disorders.


Did you see the post immediately above yours? Or OP's original post?

They have been bringing their own food, presumably routinely and presumably for years.

I'm sorry that didn't work for you, sincerely. But your experience is not this one.


So, you or someone else wrote a post scolding OP for not bringing food when she said that's what she did? I assumed no one would be that dense, and the PP was talking to people who aren't bringing their own food. So, I responded as one of those people. If that was intended as advice to the OP, then well, OK.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 17:54     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just buy your own food. Is your husband afraid to go buy some eggs and bread and cook them in the morning for the family at his parents house? You guys can’t go buy some lunch meat and bread to make sandwiches? Granola bars? Etc?


I am one of the people who stays at a hotel. My mother would lose her shit if I put things in her fridge or cooked in her kitchen without permission, or let my kids eat a granola bar in her apartment and a crumb fell. My kids don’t need to see that conflict, hence hotel.

I feel like people saying “just bring some eggs” don’t get eating disorders.


Did you see the post immediately above yours? Or OP's original post?

They have been bringing their own food, presumably routinely and presumably for years.

I'm sorry that didn't work for you, sincerely. But your experience is not this one.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 17:53     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We’re about to go visit ILs for Thanksgiving, and it’s the typical story: there is no food in the house, they are weird about food, they hover/monitor/observe food preparation and consumption, they “close the kitchen,” etc.

We’ve tried sticking up for ourselves by bringing our own food and going out when we need to, and still they whine and grumble and criticize. I’m willing to ignore those antics, because at the end of the day, I’m not going to make myself or my kids uncomfortable, or teach my kids that it isn’t OK to eat three meals a day. (ILs only eat two meals a day and make a big production about how breakfast should be light because “it will be a big dinner,” and it’s not.) But I’d prefer not to hear grumbling, and wonder if anyone has managed to solve this problem without poking the bear. TIA for any productive advice!


OP, did you post months ago about same in laws micromanaging food you eat?

I would N-E-V-E-R let them ruin my kids Thanksgiving. Hellllls no!!!! And I'm the first poster on this site to argue in favor of eating crow for the sake of family. But Thanksgiving is a holiday about FOOD. Just stand your ground. Tell them you decided to try making your own meal this year and are excited.


Oh - you again. The poster who doesn’t know how to use “eating crow” properly.


I was raised in a home with English as second language family members. I do get a lot of American sayings wrong, as does my DH. We laugh at ourselves sometimes. But regardless, I stand by my use of eating crow in a sentence lol!
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 17:47     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:Just buy your own food. Is your husband afraid to go buy some eggs and bread and cook them in the morning for the family at his parents house? You guys can’t go buy some lunch meat and bread to make sandwiches? Granola bars? Etc?


I am one of the people who stays at a hotel. My mother would lose her shit if I put things in her fridge or cooked in her kitchen without permission, or let my kids eat a granola bar in her apartment and a crumb fell. My kids don’t need to see that conflict, hence hotel.

I feel like people saying “just bring some eggs” don’t get eating disorders.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 17:47     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:Just buy your own food. Is your husband afraid to go buy some eggs and bread and cook them in the morning for the family at his parents house? You guys can’t go buy some lunch meat and bread to make sandwiches? Granola bars? Etc?


That’s…literally what they have been doing.

What is it with you people who don’t read a multi-page thread that is several days old, then pipe up to comment on some basic thing that has already been covered?
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 17:45     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing about this is a “typical story” and the fact that you are framing it that way suggests that you have normalized this in your own head to a dangerous extent.

Stay outside this home, do it for a short time, and serve your kids regular meals and snacks if they need them no matter what.


NP. If you’ve been on DCUM for a while, this is indeed a thing that seems to happen a lot when younger families visit older adults. Don’t believe me? Use the handy Search function and type in “no food in this house,” “ILs,” “visiting parents,” “starving,” etc. So get off your high horse. Anyone with critical thinking skills can deduce:

1) Many older adults stop eating as much and don’t remember what it’s like to have a healthy appetite
2) Dementia and early onset dementia are contributing factors
3) Depression-era food wasting/food scarcity/economic instability is in play
4) WASP-y eating disorders are in play

So yeah, in the world of DCUM, this is a thing, and it’s been discussed many times on these very boards.


It's not normal under any circumstances. Sorry, not sorry.


Fascinating, you are posting from 2012? I must warn you about a great pandemic that is going to happen in late 2019. Stock up on masks, toilet paper, Clorox wipes, and be sure to use all your airline miles before December 2019. Also, buy stock in Pfizer.


Still not sorry.

Also sorry you didn’t know that you didn’t need the Clorox wipes. But at the same time: not sorry.


It was a joke, and you’re still lame.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 17:35     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Just buy your own food. Is your husband afraid to go buy some eggs and bread and cook them in the morning for the family at his parents house? You guys can’t go buy some lunch meat and bread to make sandwiches? Granola bars? Etc?
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 16:45     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing about this is a “typical story” and the fact that you are framing it that way suggests that you have normalized this in your own head to a dangerous extent.

Stay outside this home, do it for a short time, and serve your kids regular meals and snacks if they need them no matter what.


NP. If you’ve been on DCUM for a while, this is indeed a thing that seems to happen a lot when younger families visit older adults. Don’t believe me? Use the handy Search function and type in “no food in this house,” “ILs,” “visiting parents,” “starving,” etc. So get off your high horse. Anyone with critical thinking skills can deduce:

1) Many older adults stop eating as much and don’t remember what it’s like to have a healthy appetite
2) Dementia and early onset dementia are contributing factors
3) Depression-era food wasting/food scarcity/economic instability is in play
4) WASP-y eating disorders are in play

So yeah, in the world of DCUM, this is a thing, and it’s been discussed many times on these very boards.


It's not normal under any circumstances. Sorry, not sorry.


Fascinating, you are posting from 2012? I must warn you about a great pandemic that is going to happen in late 2019. Stock up on masks, toilet paper, Clorox wipes, and be sure to use all your airline miles before December 2019. Also, buy stock in Pfizer.


Still not sorry.

Also sorry you didn’t know that you didn’t need the Clorox wipes. But at the same time: not sorry.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 09:16     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Haven't read the whole thread but has OP talked about where DH fits in all this?

I wouldn't put up with this. We'd get a hotel or we wouldn't go at all. And it would be DH's job to have that conversation with his parents.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 09:12     Subject: If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My mother was the opposite. She had a continuing buffet going 16 hours a day. You would have sneak to eat out as she had so much good food available the time. And no…family members were not overweight. She did this mostly only over the holidays.


Love your mom and I'm taking note of all of this. Still feeding teens, but sending my future self calendar reminders that kids are hungry. And they should be fed. Often. And without judgement.

Good luck to you OP.


I used to be annoyed at how my mom just wanted to feed and feed us. She loves cooking for others and enjoys watching others enjoy her food. When I was in my 20s and trying to lose weight, I remember being so annoyed when she kept urging me to have seconds and thirds…now I’m grateful that she’s still around to nurture her grandchildren.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2021 08:44     Subject: Re:If you succeeded with ‘no food in this house,’ tell me how
I am going to add that, at least in my family, a factor here is alcohol. My mom will have two or three glasses with dinner. That’s a fair number of calories. Probably the same number as the meal she serves, so she gets twice the calories of my teenage boy who is 8 inches taller than she is and growing. It also means that when the kitchen gets “closed” after dinner she can go to bed. If it’s Thanksgiving and the dinner is at 3, well she can easily be asleep by 6. Who needs another meal in that situation? (Hint: people who are not drunk).