It bugs me when men somehow have financial sense only when it comes to a ring. It’s like everything in their life is worth spending their hard-Earned cash on except for what their partner believes (reasonably) to be a representation of their commitment and love.

I think the idea of going into debt for a ring is a bad plan, as is spending future money. My ring cost 1K and the money I got from my dad for the wedding paid for it. But that’s what I wanted and my husband was extremely frugal.

So I’m going to say OP’s fiancé’s behavior is a red flag. They both have (very) bad ideas about money but he has bad ideas about the relationship on top of that.

DW doesn’t care about it. I don’t even own one. Married 14 years.

Anonymous wrote:OP and he already proposed. Without a ring.

Did you pressure him? Be honest, OP. This doesn’t sound like a man who is wild about the idea of marrying you.

Op, how old are you?

OP, I strongly recommend couples counseling. Marriage is hard even in the best of circumstances. You don’t sound compatible at all, and I think you need to get comfortable talking about values way in advance of getting married.

Seriously, read this board to learn about how many unhappy marriages are out there. Do not get married unless you can get this relationship to a much healthier place.

I wouldn't marry him, and it's not because the ring per se. You clearly have very different and irreconcilable value systems. This might seem minor now, but it will get bigger and less surmountable in the future.

DH and I are pretty well-aligned on values, but even the minor differences we have can sometimes be difficult now that we have kids. This is a big one, actually, and it also speaks to your love language. If you can't find a solution you are both happy with on this, I think it's a huge red flag for the relationship (not something wrong with either of you).

Anonymous wrote:OP and he already proposed. Without a ring.

Pretty odd. Did he say why he didn’t buy a ring or that he is planning on buying one? Have you explicitly told him that you want one? I know some people see an engagement ring as “just jewelry” but it’s pretty commonly viewed as a meaningful symbol that you are taking the next step in your relationship and are formally announcing that you intend to marry. Obviously, most people do receive engagement rings.

Personally, I would not have considered a proposal that was not taken seriously. DH and I were broke when he proposed but he got down on one knee and proposed with a simple ring. I think I would have perceived anything less than this as half hearted and a little flippant. I’d take something inexpensive but not even considering buying one seems lazy.

OP and he already proposed. Without a ring.

This post is sounding more and more like a boyfriend who is pushing off an engagement and wedding and a girlfriend who has gotten ahead of herself planning a honeymoon.

OP, why are you under the impression he is proposing soon?

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Anonymous wrote:Like other pps I initially responded thinking he could afford a ring or that you were happy with something simple and inexpensive but that he was refusing on the basis of it being silly and superficial.

He should not be purchasing anything he can not afford right now. You should not be insisting he do that.

As I said, he will definitely make a lot more money quite soon (it’s contracted), does spend on other things he wants, and has not said anything about a small ring now with a future upgrade.

Is he currently overspending on unnecessary items? If so, this is a whole different red flag. Have you spoken to him about wanting a ring once he can afford it or are you assuming he won’t because he hasn’t brought it up?

I wouldn’t dare bring it up bc it seems so rude. But he has not hinted at anything like this, and I can tell he thinks it is all stupid and meaningless even though it is very meaningful to me.

You and your partner need to get more comfortable discussing finances with each other. You both need to communicate about your current budget and your expectations for the future. It is not rude to talk about money if you plan to be married, it is necessary.

Are you sure you aren’t getting ahead of yourself? Are you sure he would even propose?

+1. I’m sure he is aware he should propose with a ring. But is he close to proposing?

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Anonymous wrote:Like other pps I initially responded thinking he could afford a ring or that you were happy with something simple and inexpensive but that he was refusing on the basis of it being silly and superficial.

He should not be purchasing anything he can not afford right now. You should not be insisting he do that.

As I said, he will definitely make a lot more money quite soon (it’s contracted), does spend on other things he wants, and has not said anything about a small ring now with a future upgrade.

Is he currently overspending on unnecessary items? If so, this is a whole different red flag. Have you spoken to him about wanting a ring once he can afford it or are you assuming he won’t because he hasn’t brought it up?

I wouldn’t dare bring it up bc it seems so rude. But he has not hinted at anything like this, and I can tell he thinks it is all stupid and meaningless even though it is very meaningful to me.

You and your partner need to get more comfortable discussing finances with each other. You both need to communicate about your current budget and your expectations for the future. It is not rude to talk about money if you plan to be married, it is necessary.

Are you sure you aren’t getting ahead of yourself? Are you sure he would even propose?

You sound very passive aggressive with this whole "well I guess there won't be a Honeymoon 'cause no one has told me they're paying for it" shtick.
Where do you want to go? Where does your boyfriend want to go?
Do you guys ever talk to each other?

Omg I hope she loves your lecturing one and in as much as I hate it. For both of your sakes.

Anonymous wrote:“Holds deep cultural meaning”, wow. Just wow. You all have no idea the whole thing was a marketing ploy, huh? It’s gauche, materialistic, and impractical. Grow up.

Is this OP sock puppet ring every few posts? Do you compost your poop, ride your scooter everywhere and dress in potato sacks while milking your cow and collecting chicken eggs every day too?

We don’t care. You do you. We don’t need to hear all your harping.