I am pregnant with my 3rd (and last). The reason I wanted 3 is because DH is an only child, and my one sibling, a decade younger than me, may never have kids (still lives with my parents, has trouble keeping a job, never had a significant other etc). Both DH and I thought that being an only was a lonely way to grow up, except for holidays, when we'd get to meet up with all our cousins, and get to experience the fun of having a big family. My children will probably never have cousins or a big extended family, so we are creating one ourselves.

The people who keep saying that a 3rd child is a "status symbol" are nuts. If anything I get weird looks when I'm out with my 2 while I am so visibly pregnant. People at work were shocked when they found out I was having a 3rd. Literally NO ONE has said: 3?! you must be rich! (we are not).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. I do not have a spare kid.

I did have 2 boys and wanted to go for a girl. I got my girl. <3

I hope you don't say sh$$ like this out loud. We all know you are thinking it, but it sounds really juvenile and shallow.

All my friends know I wanted a girl. No secret she was wanted and loved. Obviously love my boys.

World is full of people who want a boy to carry on the family name.

IA! My SIL had #3 because she had 2 girls and her husband wanted a boy to carry on the name. He was an only son and it was important to him.

So, gender preference is okay because it goes both ways? What a poor argument.

I’m considering a third because I want another baby to snuggle… the concept of a “dud” never even occurred to me!

Anonymous wrote:My cousin and her husband take separate flights when traveling as a family. They have four kids, so each parent takes 2 kids. They do this with car trips as well. Two cars instead of the family van.

It's weird, IMO. To each their own, but it's morbid reasoning. Especially when you consider that a short trip to drop a kid off at an activity is riskier than a roadtrip or flying.

Joseph & Rose Kennedy did this - the parents never flew together so their kids wouldn't be orphaned if the worst happened. I'm not sure that a short trip to drop a kid off is riskier in the sense that's being considered by this action than flying is - that risk assessment is "car accident" vs. "plane crash," not mortality risk. Meaning driving around your neighborhood you're more likely to get in a car accident, but in any given car wreck (which includes fender benders), it's not as likely for everyone in the car to die.

/tangent

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. I do not have a spare kid.

I did have 2 boys and wanted to go for a girl. I got my girl. <3

I hope you don't say sh$$ like this out loud. We all know you are thinking it, but it sounds really juvenile and shallow.

All my friends know I wanted a girl. No secret she was wanted and loved. Obviously love my boys.

World is full of people who want a boy to carry on the family name.

IA! My SIL had #3 because she had 2 girls and her husband wanted a boy to carry on the name. He was an only son and it was important to him.

My cousin and her husband take separate flights when traveling as a family. They have four kids, so each parent takes 2 kids. They do this with car trips as well. Two cars instead of the family van.

It's weird, IMO. To each their own, but it's morbid reasoning. Especially when you consider that a short trip to drop a kid off at an activity is riskier than a roadtrip or flying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. I do not have a spare kid.

I did have 2 boys and wanted to go for a girl. I got my girl. <3

I hope you don't say sh$$ like this out loud. We all know you are thinking it, but it sounds really juvenile and shallow.

All my friends know I wanted a girl. No secret she was wanted and loved. Obviously love my boys.

World is full of people who want a boy to carry on the family name.

Anonymous wrote:I only have one child, and I guess he would be considered a "dud" to many of you since he is mildly intellectually disabled.

I stopped at one partially to make sure I had enough time and resources to care for him. He has turned out to be a wonderful young man.

My friend has 4 children she adores. But none have graduated from college and are just meandering their way through life.

So much for numbers.

So not just one or two duds, but four duds!

I have a crazy number of kids for this area (7) and this thought never crossed my mind. I will say there are times I’ve said - you’re only as happy as your least happy child. And I have one who is always in a mood! So I guess it’s a bit of the reverse of that school of thought.

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. I do not have a spare kid.

I did have 2 boys and wanted to go for a girl. I got my girl. <3

I hope you don't say sh$$ like this out loud. We all know you are thinking it, but it sounds really juvenile and shallow.

It's crazy talk. Sure, some people have kids for a wrong reason, ahem, Octomom, but most of us don't.

I have 3 kids. I do not have a spare kid.

I did have 2 boys and wanted to go for a girl. I got my girl. <3

I have three and, yes, this reasoning absolutely crossed my mind. It wasn’t our main motivation, but it was there. I have one sibling, who is deeply dysfunctional, and it sucks.

Now, would I add a third kid solely for this reason - hell, no. More like an added benefit of what’s already awesome about having three kids.

Anonymous wrote:As a middle child who is now in therapy (I’m not a dud I just have issues) I can say with confidence that spreading your finite resources across more children is a terrible way to facilitate those kids being successful by whatever metric you measure success. Not just money but parental time and attention. Some people pull it off either because they are extraordinary, above average parents or because they got lucky with family dynamics (like with one or two kids who are really chill).

I knew I wasn’t cut out to navigate that so I stopped at one kid. I think it’s selfish to have more kids than you feel confident you can parent well.

Hopefully you will use your therapy to redirect your confidence to a more productive use and stop projecting your issues.

I have 3 kids and this thought never crossed my mind. If you have a 50% chance of your kid being a dud, if you have 3 you might end up with 1 smart and 2 dud… then you should have stopped at 2…. It is a ridiculous thought