Anonymous wrote:The other piece to this is, partners often get angry or upset when we use our strategies to get things right and not miss details, but it "takes too much time".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people who are like this are doing it on purpose. It takes more thought and effort to buy the wrong kind of milk (assuming the right kind was available). It’s her (childish, stupid) way of saying “f you, I don’t want to shop for groceries.”

Fortunately the grocery one is easily solved. Do the order online and get her to pick it up. Then figure out how to rebalance something else to make up for the ordering time.

Everyone has forgotten an Amazon return. They’re a PITA. If you shop at Whole Foods, you can do them there now which is handy.

I agree. It's a way to say, what you specified doesn't matter, it's inconsequential. You can bet if her boss sent her to buy milk she would damn sure get the 2%.

Anonymous wrote:Their turn to do the shopping and they come back with skim milk instead of 2%. Fat free chees instead of normal. No bananas )although on list) apples with dents and holes on them. Rigatoni instead of Ziti. On and on and on. And then blasts me for noticing. Refuses to return milk so the rest of us either clean up after them or suffer.

All aspects of life like this- puts Amazon returns in their trunk but misses the deadline to get them to UPS so we literally throw money away on sweatshirts too small for our kids.

Anytime these things are mentioned they scream back "WHAAAATTTT! So I messed up- do you have to be so mean!!!"

Mind you no one is 'being mean'. I/ we are simply saying "You bought decaf coffee instead of regular and I don't drink decaf."

Short of shopping and doing everything by myself, how does this get fixed?

This is not ADHD. It's more like they just don't give AF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pissed at the person who said, “oh, am I supposed to check the cereal level before I go to the store? How can uuuuuu expect that from meeeee?”

Yes, you check. Someone at the grocery store has to check that they have enough cereal to sell you, plus 10,000 other items. If they can bother checking their inventory, it’s not beneath you to check your inventory. I hate this crap.

It's not beneath the grocery store clerks, because they get PAID. It's literally their job.

Anonymous wrote:I’m pissed at the person who said, “oh, am I supposed to check the cereal level before I go to the store? How can uuuuuu expect that from meeeee?”

Yes, you check. Someone at the grocery store has to check that they have enough cereal to sell you, plus 10,000 other items. If they can bother checking their inventory, it’s not beneath you to check your inventory. I hate this crap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you're focused on minutiae

Post if you want for entertainment. But I hope there are more important things in life, for you, than this.

Np

Yeah! Right on! It’s so much fun to find out 10x a day and 70x a week you adult husband didn’t do something he agreed to do or half a$$ed it yet again on mowing the lawn, getting the XYZ from the store, keep the kid safe, locking the front door, paying a bill sent to him, remembering where to take a kid. Details schmetails. Never mind that verbal, written and digital reminders all fail time and time again. It’s not important to be able to rely on your spouse or the other parent of your children!

DP. Unless this is something out of the ordinary and the spouse hasn’t always been this way, your post is rather bombastic as you chose to get with and procreate with this person knowing who they were when you married them. Marriage doesn’t magically alter ones habits. If the writing was on the wall the entire time, you’re just as much to blame for marrying someone and expecting them to suddenly turn into something they’ve never been. Assuming no one forced your hand, you don’t get to act ignorant to your spouse’s shortcomings while not acknowledging that this is the bed you chose to lie in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a wife with ADHD and it is so demoralizing and a huge blow to my self esteem. I am a highly educated professional with a responsible job but I mess up almost everything the first time, waste a lot of money on penalties, parking tickets, mistakes, etc, and almost everything is late or I get yelled at before it gets done. I consider myself really irresponsible and unreliable but I keep trying. I am always behind, and someone is always mad at me or about to get mad at me, and it takes me ten times the effort to stay in the same place as it takes other people to get ahead. Men hate it. It sucks and I would not wish it on anyone.

Have you tried medication and an ADHD coach to help you set up systems?

Medication yes coaching no. I would need it daily to weekly and forever, and I feel like I don’t have the disposable income or it should be going bc elsewhere.

Coaching is not forever and it can be life changing. Ask for recs in a different post. Setting yourself up for success day to day is the best investment you can make, for you, your career, and your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a wife with ADHD and it is so demoralizing and a huge blow to my self esteem. I am a highly educated professional with a responsible job but I mess up almost everything the first time, waste a lot of money on penalties, parking tickets, mistakes, etc, and almost everything is late or I get yelled at before it gets done. I consider myself really irresponsible and unreliable but I keep trying. I am always behind, and someone is always mad at me or about to get mad at me, and it takes me ten times the effort to stay in the same place as it takes other people to get ahead. Men hate it. It sucks and I would not wish it on anyone.

Have you tried medication and an ADHD coach to help you set up systems?

Medication yes coaching no. I would need it daily to weekly and forever, and I feel like I don’t have the disposable income or it should be going bc elsewhere.