Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:04     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:OP asked the wrong question - if your kid told you he killed someone, "would you help him hide and lie to the police" is a very different question than "lawyer up". I would hire a lawyer for him, sure, but I wouldn't lie/hide him.


+1

I would hire a lawyer, because it's important to have good representation in the criminal justice system. I would not help obstruct justice.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 11:03     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:One of my parenting goals is to raise a kid who will only kill another person for a reason I agree with. If I succeed in that, my lips are sealed.


Bet I can guess your HHI/education level.


DP. I go with about $80K, high school diploma, maybe some additional courses.


Lips sealed parent here...but lips now open because LOLing. (I’ll bet the PP is as well; this is so readily recognizable as an entitled way to think.)
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 10:52     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
OP asked the wrong question - if your kid told you he killed someone, "would you help him hide and lie to the police" is a very different question than "lawyer up". I would hire a lawyer for him, sure, but I wouldn't lie/hide him.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 00:20     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:One of my parenting goals is to raise a kid who will only kill another person for a reason I agree with. If I succeed in that, my lips are sealed.


Bet I can guess your HHI/education level.


DP. I go with about $80K, high school diploma, maybe some additional courses.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 00:16     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
If I knew the facts, I would turn him in. But I tell my children now, if you are pulled over, falsely accused, or if it is possible others might perceive you to be in the wrong (even if you justifiably were defending yourself or just in the wrong place at the wrong time), don't tell anyone (not friends or family), invoke your right to be silent and your right to a lawyer (and in a civil matter like workplace harassment, demand your right to due process) but otherwise be civil and cooperative when pulled over - jusg too many police-involved shooting over mere misunderstandings.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2021 00:00     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:One of my parenting goals is to raise a kid who will only kill another person for a reason I agree with. If I succeed in that, my lips are sealed.


Bet I can guess your HHI/education level.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 23:49     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:I will not protect a murder, even if they were my child. I would not pay their legal fees, especially with the information that they took a like with intention (or in crime of passion). I would remain their parent and try to find a peaceful place in my heart to be compassionate and loving to them. But not blindly. And not without them having significant conversation s with me and their father in regards to accountability; and if they were not remorseful in their actions that process would take longer. You cannot kill someone and expect it not be acknowledged. This is still loving my child unconditionally, but removing the magical thinking that they did not do something horrific to another persons child.


I agree with this and the PP who thought she was weird. I guess my love is conditional? I am not a "bury your head in the sand" well "MY CHILD would NEVER!" kind of person and I raise my kids to defend themselves with full knowledge that they might be a-holes at some point! I love them, but I don't excuse poor behavior or think they could never do wrong. For boys especially I think this is dangerous. Murder?! It's so outside our moral code, I can love them but as you said, not blindly. Commit the crime, do the time. That's just so out of bounds. I wouldn't feel similarly about a minor charge (driving without a license, etc.) and would support them and get them an attorney, but murder is a whole different category.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 23:29     Subject: Re:if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Sheinbein's dad said something like: my son was extremely distressed and maybe was going to kill himself, and I wanted him to get away to calm down for a while.

I don't know how honest this was. I had a lot of sympathy when I read it, because I could see life/death of kid, not wanting to face it. But this sympathy is in retrospect, because the kid did face justice, went to prison in Israel (I know, weekends off) when he literally chopped up and set fire on another kid for no reason! But maybe the dad had not had enough time to grapple with that, before he sent his possibly suicidal son overseas.

It ended up "suicide by police" for the kid years later in prison.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 23:09     Subject: Re:if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
The question has already been answered: assuming that your child feels guilt and is in shock, you as the parent could best help them by getting the best lawyer that you could find.

Provided that you find a lawyer with a LOT of criminal law experience and an excellent reputation in their state, they will likely guide your family in how to safely have your kid turn themselves in so that they get the best deal possible.

As to the moral crisis, call your Priest or Rabbi as the rest of it is really a deeply moral issue.

The law is the minimal standard of society's social contract and it is usually well below the moral standard. A society that defaults to the minimum legal standard quickly falls apart
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 22:59     Subject: Re:if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
I think parents who would cover are deluded: They can't accept that the offspring is a loser, because that would mean accepting that they were failures as parents. So helping the kid escape consequences feels like absolving their own bad deeds. Dysfunction but they'll call it "family loyalty"

The loyalty goes back several generations of abuse.

Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 22:50     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No I would not turn in my kid are you kidding???


So you are cool with your son murdering his girlfriend? Hope you would go to jail too if helping a criminal.

I'm guessing if your kid was murdered you would feel differently?

Typical hypocrite


I’m a lawyer. Pretty sure I could dodge an accessory charge.

And of course I would feel differently if it were my kid. Are you a moron?


Better a moron than a lawyer.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 22:47     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
This sounds a lot like Alex Kelly who raped a girl and then his parents helped him flee to Switzerland. If Laundrie is alive they will ultimately find him.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 22:31     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:One of my parenting goals is to raise a kid who will only kill another person for a reason I agree with. If I succeed in that, my lips are sealed.


Weird. This is such a bizarre parenting goal.


Really? Somebody raises soldiers. Get a clue.


They are NOT talking about soldiers. Why would they have to seal lips? Soldiers are honorable.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 22:28     Subject: Re:if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:My SIL's sister was married to an extremely abusive man (like, she would wake up on the kitchen floor after he had knocked her unconscious) who was one of two boys adopted by a couple with means who also lived in a very small town. When she fled the marriage with her small children, IL's jumped in and actually got custody of the kids. When I met her, her ex's brother had just been charged with killing his girlfriend and setting her body on fire in a ditch. He entered a conditional plea and was sentenced to 20 years, but was fighting probable cause with regard to his arrest for the crime and won a new trial, at which he was convicted again but this time sentenced to life. During that same period of time the ex, who worked as a nurse's aid in a LTC facility, was convicted of raping an 80 year old stroke victim at the facility and got 12 years.

The parents paid for the lawyers all the way through and have always denied that their sons did any of the crimes they were convicted of.


What happened to the kids?
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2021 21:55     Subject: if your your adult kid killed someone would you help them lawyer up or turn them in?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've thought about this so many times (for no good reason!). I am sure my MIL would hide her kids in the basement and ferret them away to some country with no extradition.

I am sure my own mom would turn us in and promise to visit us in jail a lot (then have reasons for not coming - she loves us more than anything but there's going to be a reason!).




I think we have the same mom. Though I’m an only child