Anonymous wrote:Posters who think it's their role to decide how OP should feel about something. This is also just a pet peeve of mine in life. If someone says "My MIL always insists on hosting Thanksgiving and it's making me feel frustrated that I'm not allowed to host my own holiday," it's not helpful to say "You shouldn't feel frustrated because x, y, and z." Once someone feels a way about something, that's how they feel. Telling them to just have a different visceral reaction is not actually helpful and just make people feel invalidated and defensive and the whole thing just descends into bickering.
The only way to resolve problems like that is to accept that everyone's feelings are valid and look for practical solutions. "Feel different" is never a practical solution! I wish people would start to understand this more because it seems like this is 90% of the conflict in my life, is everyone just standing around expecting other people to have different emotions and... it's not gonna happen, folks.
I don’t agree work you (though OF COURSE you are entitled to your feelings…

— But I do think that people do have some control over their feelings and sometimes reframing how you think about something can affect the feeling.