Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 09:56     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:

When we went through the middle school application process, our favorites were Riverdale and Chapin because they seemed to offer a nice balance of academcis and healthy social dynamics. The kids just seemed so happy to be there. Our kid was lucky enough to get into Horace Mann and Chapin and we went with Chapin. We're also a downtown family and didn't want her. traveling so far uptown so there is that.



Biggest bully in my daughter’s grade is a Brearley girl who steals her best friends crushes. Followed by a Horace Mann girl. These choices are so individual and making sweeping generalizations from one tour would be folly. I do understand it’s all the access we get, however. Chatting with the parent and community really helped us make our decisions.




In my DD's Brearley class there were a few mean girls in middle school. Oddly enough (or maybe not), most of them left for high school. One went to Trinity, a few to boarding school.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 09:55     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?


When we went through the middle school application process, our favorites were Riverdale and Chapin because they seemed to offer a nice balance of academcis and healthy social dynamics. The kids just seemed so happy to be there. Our kid was lucky enough to get into Horace Mann and Chapin and we went with Chapin. We're also a downtown family and didn't want her. traveling so far uptown so there is that.



Biggest bully in my daughter’s grade is a Brearley girl who steals her best friends crushes. Followed by a Horace Mann girl. These choices are so individual and making sweeping generalizations from one tour would be folly. I do understand it’s all the access we get, however. Chatting with the parent and community really helped us make our decisions.


In my DD's Brearley class there were a few mean girls in middle school. Oddly enough (or maybe not), most of them left for high school. One went to Trinity, a few to boarding school.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 09:23     Subject: Re:Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:Also saw this at other Manhattan privates and thought it was more of a logistical/time thing than implicit trust


That, plus most of them are used to throwing their crap wherever at home and having somebody else clean it up.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 09:21     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?
Listened to that Trinity episode and it was incredibly informative. Hot girl lists, thigh-gap comparisons, rich white boys are the most popular. I highly doubt it’s much different today but I do think you’ll find that at all schools.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 09:05     Subject: Re:Best private schools in NYC?
It’s definitely about trust. My non-NYC boarding school did this, too. It’s a way students show trust in each other and the community. Always a good sign
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 07:59     Subject: Re:Best private schools in NYC?
Also saw this at other Manhattan privates and thought it was more of a logistical/time thing than implicit trust

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anything about bullying/stress at Trinity? I've heard such opposing viewpoints - not much about bullying but about the work load.




Something that stood out in the tour was the "swamp" where the high school kids leave their stuff in huge heaps despite having lockers. This quietly said a lot about trusting their stuff with each other vs locking it up.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 07:00     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So much talk about college placements and rigor but how do the TT schools rank in terms of happiness? I would never send my kid to a HM or Brearley because of the horror stories I hear about stress. Is Chapin or Riverdale best in that sense, because you get academics without kids working themselves into a frenzy over homework, etc?

The recent tragedy at Chapin did give me pause in this sense, but not sure it's representative of a climate of anxiety/stress. Maybe just a horrible situation specific to that poor child.



When we went through the middle school application process, our favorites were Riverdale and Chapin because they seemed to offer a nice balance of academcis and healthy social dynamics. The kids just seemed so happy to be there. Our kid was lucky enough to get into Horace Mann and Chapin and we went with Chapin. We're also a downtown family and didn't want her. traveling so far uptown so there is that.


Opposite for us. Chapin girls seemed miserable when we toured. Happiest seemed to be Marymount, and then Spence and Brearley pretty equal after that. We liked Nightingale as well. We thought Horace Mann and Riverdale seemed similar as far as how the students seemed, and neither was right for us. [/

Biggest bully in my daughter’s grade is a Brearley girl who steals her best friends crushes. Followed by a Horace Mann girl. These choices are so individual and making sweeping generalizations from one tour would be folly. I do understand it’s all the access we get, however. Chatting with the parent and community really helped us make our decisions.
Anonymous
Post 01/21/2026 06:40     Subject: Re:Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anything about bullying/stress at Trinity? I've heard such opposing viewpoints - not much about bullying but about the work load.




Something that stood out in the tour was the "swamp" where the high school kids leave their stuff in huge heaps despite having lockers. This quietly said a lot about trusting their stuff with each other vs locking it up.


The swamp is still there? That existed when I was there in the 80s.
(And by the way, it was a miserable place then, tons of bullying)
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 22:47     Subject: Re:Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anything about bullying/stress at Trinity? I've heard such opposing viewpoints - not much about bullying but about the work load.




Something that stood out in the tour was the "swamp" where the high school kids leave their stuff in huge heaps despite having lockers. This quietly said a lot about trusting their stuff with each other vs locking it up.


Pretty much no one locks up their stuff in the Manhattan privates. Lots of backpacks litter the hallways. It is crazy to me--I went to a public school in Ohio and you locked up everything in your locker. But these kids don't need to steal anything.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 22:22     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So much talk about college placements and rigor but how do the TT schools rank in terms of happiness? I would never send my kid to a HM or Brearley because of the horror stories I hear about stress. Is Chapin or Riverdale best in that sense, because you get academics without kids working themselves into a frenzy over homework, etc?

The recent tragedy at Chapin did give me pause in this sense, but not sure it's representative of a climate of anxiety/stress. Maybe just a horrible situation specific to that poor child.



When we went through the middle school application process, our favorites were Riverdale and Chapin because they seemed to offer a nice balance of academcis and healthy social dynamics. The kids just seemed so happy to be there. Our kid was lucky enough to get into Horace Mann and Chapin and we went with Chapin. We're also a downtown family and didn't want her. traveling so far uptown so there is that.


Opposite for us. Chapin girls seemed miserable when we toured. Happiest seemed to be Marymount, and then Spence and Brearley pretty equal after that. We liked Nightingale as well. We thought Horace Mann and Riverdale seemed similar as far as how the students seemed, and neither was right for us.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 22:11     Subject: Re:Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:Anything about bullying/stress at Trinity? I've heard such opposing viewpoints - not much about bullying but about the work load.




Something that stood out in the tour was the "swamp" where the high school kids leave their stuff in huge heaps despite having lockers. This quietly said a lot about trusting their stuff with each other vs locking it up.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 21:05     Subject: Re:Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:Anything about bullying/stress at Trinity? I've heard such opposing viewpoints - not much about bullying but about the work load.


There is a podcast called "All Each Other Has" with an episode dedicated to Trinity (Labore et Virtute et Dolore: Trinity School NYC).
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 17:49     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:So much talk about college placements and rigor but how do the TT schools rank in terms of happiness? I would never send my kid to a HM or Brearley because of the horror stories I hear about stress. Is Chapin or Riverdale best in that sense, because you get academics without kids working themselves into a frenzy over homework, etc?

The recent tragedy at Chapin did give me pause in this sense, but not sure it's representative of a climate of anxiety/stress. Maybe just a horrible situation specific to that poor child.


At any of the TT schools there will be some stress in high school because they all want to go to the same colleges. And the workload is the same at all of them. As someone said upthread, these schools are much more similar than different.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 17:43     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:So much talk about college placements and rigor but how do the TT schools rank in terms of happiness? I would never send my kid to a HM or Brearley because of the horror stories I hear about stress. Is Chapin or Riverdale best in that sense, because you get academics without kids working themselves into a frenzy over homework, etc?

The recent tragedy at Chapin did give me pause in this sense, but not sure it's representative of a climate of anxiety/stress. Maybe just a horrible situation specific to that poor child.



When we went through the middle school application process, our favorites were Riverdale and Chapin because they seemed to offer a nice balance of academcis and healthy social dynamics. The kids just seemed so happy to be there. Our kid was lucky enough to get into Horace Mann and Chapin and we went with Chapin. We're also a downtown family and didn't want her. traveling so far uptown so there is that.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2026 17:09     Subject: Best private schools in NYC?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That’s the thing though. How do you know what kind of learner or passions a kindergarten will have as they grow. It’s such a gamble.


If your kid goes to HM/Trinity/Brearley for K-5 or K-8 and starts to burn out, I daresay there will be other schools that would love to take them.



If you want to transition to another TT school, there just aren’t spots, even for students from Brearley/Horce Mann/Trinity.


There aren’t a ton of spots, but there are spots. We’ve had kids come from other TTs into Trinity off year (before high school).

If you’re applying to kindergarten, you just have to trust your gut and hope that it’s a long-term fit. If it isn’t, there is shuffling between schools. Not to say it’s super easy, but what part of this process is easy?