Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

If you want my possibly inflammatory opinion - yes, this is normal for a 40-year-old woman with no kids and no spouse. You would not find this kind of behavior in a happily married 40-year-old mother. We don't have time for that. (And yes, I have two high-energy dogs, and yes, they do get exercised twice a day, they are well cared for, etc.)

I don’t think you can compare a dog that needs to be walked 2-4 miles a day with a dog that needs 2 hours of vigorous exercise.

I mean, she chose this breed of dog. She probably did want to kind of revolve her life around it when she got it. I don’t know that this makes her crazy though. Or maybe everyone who own a GSP is a little crazy…

Anonymous wrote:^ Oh, and I would be interested to know what OP's relationship with his ex is like too, and how enmeshed (or combative) he is with her.

Men with kids and ex wives are not exactly in a position to be complaining about a woman's dog, IMHO.

Anonymous wrote:I thought you were going to say that she wants to attend dog birthday parties or something.

Twice a month she takes her dog on long hikes and she lets the dog cuddle with her on the couch. BFD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

If you want my possibly inflammatory opinion - yes, this is normal for a 40-year-old woman with no kids and no spouse. You would not find this kind of behavior in a happily married 40-year-old mother. We don't have time for that. (And yes, I have two high-energy dogs, and yes, they do get exercised twice a day, they are well cared for, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big dogs are a boyfriend substitute and little dogs are a baby substitute. Seems like your seat’s taken already.

I find this stuff so weird because the person in my life who was arguably the biggest dog fan in my life was my grandmother who had 7 children. She took them on long walks every day and the park put up a bench commemorating ber when she died. We brought her dogs to the wake.

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I like to hike or long walk every weekend and I don't have a dog. I just like taking long walks to reset. Spending one day a week hiking doesn't seem like a big issue.

Anonymous wrote:I would say she's being a good dog parent. Dogs are a lot of work, especially so if you have a high-energy breed. If you don't meet their energy needs (both physical and mental) they will become bored and display destructive behavior.

I have a high-energy, large-breed dog, and I wouldn't say my life revolves around my dog. Here are things I do.

Two daily walks; morning sniff walk, evening longer walk (I do the morning walk and my son does the evening walk.)
Longer Saturday and Sunday morning walks where we explore different neighborhoods in the city (so we drive somewhere).
Spend at least 15 minutes a day on some sort of training.
Always goes with me for the car ride if appropriate (dropping the kid off at work, going through the Starbucks drive-thru, going to Petsmart, etc.).
I like going on vacation with my dog, but also wouldn't have a problem going without him. I would never board him, though. I'd leave him with someone I trust.
My dog is allowed on furniture except my bed. I should also mention that I have a very low-shedding dog, and it's rare to find dog hair around the house.
My dog has high grooming needs, so I try to spend about 15 minutes a day combing/brushing him. On the weekend, I like to do it all, which can take 45 minutes.
Sometimes I cook meat and veggies for my dog, and I'll use that as a topper on top of his kibble.
I make frozen treats for my dog.

With that said, I still date, go to dinners and brunches with my friends, I work out of the home a few times a week, etc. I don't show people pictures of my dog or talk about my dog (unless they ask). I still live my normal life, but my dog is definitely a priority.

Anonymous wrote:I am not seeing the issue. Your life should revolve around your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

So if you go on a trip how can you go to a restaurant assuming the dog won’t be left alone in a car or hotel room?