Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to tell him. This is very strange behavior and he needs to know.

And I know he’ll ask you if you’re sure if it’s her. Did you happen to take a picture?

OP here. I did! My main concern is that this is some sort of manipulation attempt to get him to reach out. She has done this in the past, feigning medical emergencies, etc. I theorize she believes we have a working camera and may notice her and reach out asking why, or maybe hopes a neighbor notices and asks? Does that make sense?

If there was a real issue or emergency, wouldn’t she or someone else reach out to DH? It just feels manipulative somehow, I just know her too well.

No, it doesn’t make sense. Why would she think it likely that if you had a camera, it would pick her up PARKED ACROSS THE STREET? Wouldn’t she expect any cameras to be focused on your own home? Do you make a habit of spying on your neighbors. While it is possible your neighbor might ask why she keeps parking in front of their house, sitting in a car and looking around is hardly feigning a medical emergency.

I think it far more likely that she loves and misses her son, but is trying to respect his wish for no contact. By coming during the day when you and your neighbors are unlikely to be present, and staying in her car on public property, she can reassure herself that your family seems to be doing okay, without intruding on you at all. It’s hard to imagine how she plans on manipulating you when she seems to be avoiding your attention.

I do think you should tell your husband, because I believe a married couple should always be open and honest without secrets between them. I would hope, however, that you would consider the possibility that her motives are less sinister than the conspiracy theories you’ve imagined and present the data to him as neutrally as possible, allowing him to interpret them for himself. Of course, if he asks for your opinion, you should be open and honest about that as well. I obviously don’t have the context of experience that you do and may be completely wrong, maybe she is scheming to bring drama back into your lives. I have no way of knowing if your conclusions are right or wrong; I just think you should consider all possibilities.

What a load. You biddies always assume the wife is manipulating the husband and you want her walking on eggshells when she tells her husband. Op can opine away all she wants. Her husband is a grown man who can and will decide for himself. This would bug me and I would feel free to express my opinion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

As a mom of boys I’m certain you need therapy. Your job is to raise your children and let them go. You are already acting like a jealous ex girlfriend. You’ve already assumed any woman who comes into your son’s lives is there to take them away from you. You don’t want to let your sons grow up and let them go. Not normal.

Raising them to be adults and respecting their autonomy, of course. But estrangement is sad. That’s not an outcome to be celebrated. Warranted or not it’s a sad thing.

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

As a mom of boys I’m certain you need therapy. Your job is to raise your children and let them go. You are already acting like a jealous ex girlfriend. You’ve already assumed any woman who comes into your son’s lives is there to take them away from you. You don’t want to let your sons grow up and let them go. Not normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is manipulation and a form of control. Don’t give her the power she wants. Do some exciting things she can see like plant flowers when it’s warmer so she can see life goes on without her.

This is what I truly believe. I just know her to well to believe it could be anything else.

Of course you do. This sounds like a lot of manufactured drama over an elderly woman supposedly parking in front of your house. And you sit there daily peeping out the window, too scared to just walk out and say hello and ask her what she's doing.

You are so vile.

It’s stalking in the common sense definition.

Legal definitions for prosecuting is totally different, but can be altered by appealing and loving up the court system. Or by legislation.

Stalking, spying, threatening, intimidating, blocking. All are legal terms. And different mental terms.

It’s creepy behavior, and shouldn’t be normalized because it’s a relative.

“Below are examples of behaviors or acts that could qualify as a stalking offense:
-Following a person (victim) from one location to another
-Repeatedly texting or calling another person
-Showing up at a person’s house or residence without his/her permission
-Waiting for a person at his/her workplace or home without consent
-Sending threatening messages or voice notes on social media platforms
-Sending another person unwanted packages or gifts”

https://www.virginiacriminallawfirm.com/stalking/

Anonymous wrote:It feels like stalking and it's creepy. I would make sure it's definitely her-check license-and tell him. If she is truly disturbed, I might call the police and simply let them know a car keeps parking near your home and watching you.

Any chance it's dementia?

And when they find out it is your elderly MIL and you don't reveal it the relationship, they will think YOU are the one with the mental disorder.

Virginia
§ 18.2-60.3. Stalking; penalty.
A. Any person, except a law-enforcement officer, as defined in § 9.1-101, and acting in the performance of his official duties, and a registered private investigator, as defined in § 9.1-138, who is regulated in accordance with § 9.1-139 and acting in the course of his legitimate business, who on more than one occasion engages in conduct, either in person or through any other means, including by mail, telephone, or an electronically transmitted communication, directed at another person with the intent to place, or when he knows or reasonably should know that the conduct places that other person in reasonable fear of death, criminal sexual assault, or bodily injury to that other person or to that other person's family or household member is guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor. If the person contacts or follows or attempts to contact or follow the person at whom the conduct is directed after being given actual notice that the person does not want to be contacted or followed, such actions shall be prima facie evidence that the person intended to place that other person, or reasonably should have known that the other person was placed, in reasonable fear of death, criminal sexual assault, or bodily injury to himself or a family or household member.

DC
Code of the District of Columbia
§ 22–3133. Stalking.

(a) It is unlawful for a person to purposefully engage in a course of conduct directed at a specific individual:

(1) With the intent to cause that individual to:

(A) Fear for his or her safety or the safety of another person;

(B) Feel seriously alarmed, disturbed, or frightened; or

(C) Suffer emotional distress;

(2) That the person knows would cause that individual reasonably to:

(A) Fear for his or her safety or the safety of another person;

(B) Feel seriously alarmed, disturbed, or frightened; or

(C) Suffer emotional distress; or

(3) That the person should have known would cause a reasonable person in the individual’s circumstances to:

(A) Fear for his or her safety or the safety of another person;

(B) Feel seriously alarmed, disturbed, or frightened; or

(C) Suffer emotional distress.

(b) This section does not apply to constitutionally protected activity.

(c) Where a single act is of a continuing nature, each 24-hour period constitutes a separate occasion.

(d) The conduct on each of the occasions need not be the same as it is on the others.




Only in DC proper could you even make the shadow of the argument that it’s stalking, and it would be an enormous stretch since MIL only shows up when the house is expected to be empty and literally does nothing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

+1 She is sad and in her own way, misses him. Imagine you, in her place OP, with your estranged adult kid and their spouse you out. I'm sure it could never happen, you say. But it might.

What is with this thread? This is not behavior to normalize. Lots of people feel sad without stalking their loved ones.

She’s not stalking though. She just sits in her car for a few minutes at a time when people aren’t expected to be home. That’s not stalking. It’s sad and odd, but it’s not illegal. OP says she’s not dangerous. There’s a lot of hysteria in this thread.

It's the textbook definition of stalking. Just because someone doesn't leave a lock of their hair or whatever doesn't make it not stalking

It really really is not the "Textbook definition" of stalking.

Maryland stalking statute

§3–802.

(a) In this section:

(1) “stalking” means a malicious course of conduct that includes approaching or pursuing another where:

(i) the person intends to place or knows or reasonably should have known the conduct would place another in reasonable fear:

1. A. of serious bodily injury;

B. of an assault in any degree;

C. of rape or sexual offense as defined by §§ 3–303 through 3–308 of this title or attempted rape or sexual offense in any degree;

D. of false imprisonment; or

E. of death; or

2. that a third person likely will suffer any of the acts listed in item 1 of this item; or

(ii) the person intends to cause or knows or reasonably should have known that the conduct would cause serious emotional distress to another; and

(2) “stalking” includes conduct described in item (1) of this subsection that occurs:

(i) in person;

(ii) by electronic communication, as defined in § 3–805 of this subtitle; or

(iii) through the use of a device that can pinpoint or track the location of another without the person’s knowledge or consent.

(b) The provisions of this section do not apply to conduct that is:

(1) performed to ensure compliance with a court order;

(2) performed to carry out a specific lawful commercial purpose; or

(3) authorized, required, or protected by local, State, or federal law.

(c) A person may not engage in stalking.

(d) A person who violates this section is guilty of a misdemeanor and on conviction is subject to imprisonment not exceeding 5 years or a fine not exceeding $5,000 or both.

(e) A sentence imposed under this section may be separate from and consecutive to or concurrent with a sentence for any other crime based on the acts establishing a violation of this section.

It feels like stalking and it's creepy. I would make sure it's definitely her-check license-and tell him. If she is truly disturbed, I might call the police and simply let them know a car keeps parking near your home and watching you.

Any chance it's dementia?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

+1 She is sad and in her own way, misses him. Imagine you, in her place OP, with your estranged adult kid and their spouse you out. I'm sure it could never happen, you say. But it might.

What is with this thread? This is not behavior to normalize. Lots of people feel sad without stalking their loved ones.

She’s not stalking though. She just sits in her car for a few minutes at a time when people aren’t expected to be home. That’s not stalking. It’s sad and odd, but it’s not illegal. OP says she’s not dangerous. There’s a lot of hysteria in this thread.

It's the textbook definition of stalking. Just because someone doesn't leave a lock of their hair or whatever doesn't make it not stalking

It would seem that OP is the one who has the power to decide whether to disturb the current peace or escalate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

+1 She is sad and in her own way, misses him. Imagine you, in her place OP, with your estranged adult kid and their spouse you out. I'm sure it could never happen, you say. But it might.

What is with this thread? This is not behavior to normalize. Lots of people feel sad without stalking their loved ones.

She’s not stalking though. She just sits in her car for a few minutes at a time when people aren’t expected to be home. That’s not stalking. It’s sad and odd, but it’s not illegal. OP says she’s not dangerous. There’s a lot of hysteria in this thread.

This absolutely is stalking. It’s the very definition of stalking.

What fear or safety concerns does OP's husband have that would meet the definition of stalking?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

What does this have to do with you? Are you emotionally mature? Do you treat your sons with respect? Do you plan to continue respecting them and their families into adulthood? Do you plan to be manipulative to get your way?

No? Then why are you sad for yourself?

I am and I do. Even if this MIL is emotionally immature and manipulative she still likely loves them. I am not saying this is normal or ok. Just sad. Makes me feel sad to think of not being in touch with my kids and their families (even though they are only in hs and college now.)

You should feel SAD for the son who has, for his entire life, had to deal with a mother like this. People don’t just abandon their parents, it takes a lifetime of HELL to get to this place, and you don’t get there lightly. You and your kids will be fine, because you ARE fine.

That just isn’t true. There are situations where the parents were just fine and the kids have been brainwashed into this “no contact” way of handling everything. Talk about being manipulative.

Oh, well. Still not a defense for stalking your adult child and his family (as if that behavior doesn’t already indicate why he keeps his distance).

It isn't stalking.

It’s creepy and manipulative. No father would get away with this without the police being called.

A lot of psychopaths feel sorry for themselves, too. In fact, it’s one of their primary traits.

Being a sad, estranged parent does not make this behavior okay.

That's not true. He would need a restraining order against her for the police to be involved. We had this same situation in our extended family, except with a hostile STBX, and the police said it was a public street and anyone can park there as long as they are not doing anything illegal.