Anonymous wrote:Letting your tweens be uncomfortable on occasion is ok. If she’s safe then that is what matters. Letting them experience discomfort and some anxiety whe situations aren’t ideal will help them learn to cope when things aren’t ideal in the future. If you’re constantly rushing to fix/arrange happiness then it’s going to backfire on you.

Yes, in theory. But I would not intentionally set my kid up to be anxious. There is a difference between allowing a kid to cope when stuff happens, and purposefully doing things you know make the kid anxious. Depends on the kid/how anxious s/he will be.

Anyway, my tween does not like being home alone, but tolerates it. In OP’s situation, I would attend the wedding, attend the reception for a short time, then come home on the early side. It’s very rude to skip the ceremony but attend the reception. Have the kid FaceTime, read a book, watch a movie to distract her from being alone.

Do you ever go out to dinner, a party, or anything that involves your kid being home alone? Ever? Just go. Come home early. You don’t have to stay until the very end.

DH and I went out to dinner last weekend just to get away from all of the snow days and get out of the house together! You never do anything like that and leave your kid?

Letting your tweens be uncomfortable on occasion is ok. If she’s safe then that is what matters. Letting them experience discomfort and some anxiety whe situations aren’t ideal will help them learn to cope when things aren’t ideal in the future. If you’re constantly rushing to fix/arrange happiness then it’s going to backfire on you.

Anonymous wrote:Years ago I went to a childfree wedding where the bride had tantrum because her widowed cousin brought her 14 year old daughter as her +1 to the ceremony and reception. A little different from OP's situation, but goes to show you that people who insist on childfree weddings can be quite insane and you shouldn't agitate them.

I mean...if the wedding was childfree, and it sounds like it was, yeah, a +1 isn't your get out of jail free card to bring a child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ruder than them excluding one of your family members. [url]

False. I don’t want children at my wedding. They are too disruptive. And it costs too much.

[b]What a lucky man your imaginary husband is.

What is your problem? They made a valid point. Children aren’t invited on purpose.

If my kids aren’t welcome or family to a relatives wedding, neither am I and I’m not interested in going. This is not a young child.

Then don't. RSVP no and it's not an issue. Honestly, you sound really annoying so they probably just invited you out of familial obligation.

The problem here is that OP already responded yes and now her weirdo kid is insisting she can't be home alone for an extra 30 minutes. I was babysitting kids as a tween. These kids today are too soft. Probably because they were raised by parents who have a coronary when their snowflake isn't invited to a damn wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ruder than them excluding one of your family members. [url]

False. I don’t want children at my wedding. They are too disruptive. And it costs too much.

[b]What a lucky man your imaginary husband is.

What is your problem? They made a valid point. Children aren’t invited on purpose.

If my kids aren’t welcome or family to a relatives wedding, neither am I and I’m not interested in going. This is not a young child.

+1
Excluding 10+ year olds is very different from excluding babies and toddlers. There's something off about adults who can't even tolerate a big kid or teen.

My sister invited my 17yo cousin to her wedding last year and he walked around with airpods in the entire time on his phone. Kids don't want to be at weddings. Why does the pro-kids at weddings crowd insist that they do?

Anonymous wrote:We have made a myriad of decisions when there were child-free weddings we were ibcited to, ie one of us went, both of us went but had family take care of DD, and we have also left DD home alone while DH and I attended.

These weddings are not about me or my family. I respect what the people getting married want.

I would leave the child at home, eat at the reception, check-in occasionally with the child, and leave on the early side of the reception.

It's a growth opportunity for your child.

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the people castigating OP for not leaving her tween daughter alone are the same people who would be castigating her if she left the daughter alone and some accident, injury, or crime befell her.

Nope. My tween has been home alone for a few hours, including over dinnertime. In OP's position, I wouldn't necessarily stay until the end of the reception, but I'd absolutely go.

I was babysitting infants when I was eleven. My tweens were ready to stay home earlier than many. But there’s a lot of variance and I maintain that DCUM is full of vultures who love to pick. And they’ll go whichever way the mob tells them. Hope OP listens to her daughter instead of you lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ruder than them excluding one of your family members. [url]

False. I don’t want children at my wedding. They are too disruptive. And it costs too much.

[b]What a lucky man your imaginary husband is.

What is your problem? They made a valid point. Children aren’t invited on purpose.

If my kids aren’t welcome or family to a relatives wedding, neither am I and I’m not interested in going. This is not a young child.

+1
Excluding 10+ year olds is very different from excluding babies and toddlers. There's something off about adults who can't even tolerate a big kid or teen.

There's not! It's usually a question of numbers. Most people do not invite kids to weddings. If OP had four kids, that would be four additional plates. Many of their guests probably have kids -- where do you draw the line?

I didn’t invite children to my wedding and it boggles my mind now to find out how apparently people are enraged by that. I have over 20 cousins who my parents insisted I invite, along with their spouses. About half of those also have children, none of whom I am particularly close to. The only way we could cut back enough on our guest list to invite our own friends was to come up with a firm rule about no children, which cut back about 20 cousins/children of cousins in addition to kids of coworkers etc.

I doubt any of those kids really wanted to go, maybe one or two girls would have enjoyed dressing up. Oh well.

We have made a myriad of decisions when there were child-free weddings we were ibcited to, ie one of us went, both of us went but had family take care of DD, and we have also left DD home alone while DH and I attended.

These weddings are not about me or my family. I respect what the people getting married want.

I would leave the child at home, eat at the reception, check-in occasionally with the child, and leave on the early side of the reception.

It's a growth opportunity for your child.

Years ago I went to a childfree wedding where the bride had tantrum because her widowed cousin brought her 14 year old daughter as her +1 to the ceremony and reception. A little different from OP's situation, but goes to show you that people who insist on childfree weddings can be quite insane and you shouldn't agitate them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ruder than them excluding one of your family members. [url]

False. I don’t want children at my wedding. They are too disruptive. And it costs too much.

[b]What a lucky man your imaginary husband is.

What is your problem? They made a valid point. Children aren’t invited on purpose.

If my kids aren’t welcome or family to a relatives wedding, neither am I and I’m not interested in going. This is not a young child.

+1
Excluding 10+ year olds is very different from excluding babies and toddlers. There's something off about adults who can't even tolerate a big kid or teen.

There's not! It's usually a question of numbers. Most people do not invite kids to weddings. If OP had four kids, that would be four additional plates. Many of their guests probably have kids -- where do you draw the line?

This is the origin story for all the offspring in the adult child forum who moved back home because they don't like working and their apartments

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the people castigating OP for not leaving her tween daughter alone are the same people who would be castigating her if she left the daughter alone and some accident, injury, or crime befell her.

Nope. My tween has been home alone for a few hours, including over dinnertime. In OP's position, I wouldn't necessarily stay until the end of the reception, but I'd absolutely go.

Agree. It's generally the helicopter "any risk is too much risk" group worrying about random kidnappings and other outlier events who point the finger when something bad happens in part to justify their own parenting choices and that whatever tragedy would NEVER happen to their kid.

Why didn’t you secure child care prior to your RSVP to this wedding ?

You should just not attend.