Anonymous
09/19/2025 21:45
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen about 2 dozen different therapists since I was 8 years old (super anxious parents who were terrified everything was traumatizing me).
None of them ever actually helped. I’ve learned that sitting there for an hour talking about my problems just triggers me and makes me spiral even more.
Honestly what helped my anxiety and depression the most was learning basic skills. Things like communication, navigating the workplace, relationships, how to make friends, even things like finances and making a budget.
Communication was a big one, especially with romantic relationships - therapists always labeled me “anxious attachment” which just made me more anxious, because I either had to just stuff down my anxiety or expect a partner to accommodate it. What actually helped was learning how to talk about things like an adult.
That sounds tough. There are therapists that help coach in those kind of skills, but it sounds like that's not what you got. Did you use other resources to get those skills?
PP here. TBH what helped me the most was - I happened to be at a museum that had a free speaker one day, and the speaker (who was a communication coach) handed out a list of phrases to use. One of those "Instead of saying THIS, say THAT" lists. Things like "Instead of saying 'I think we should...', say 'we'll go forward with this plan'". I ended up working with her for a few months on both what to say, and how to say it.
It sounds weird, but I learned that teaching me concepts (eg "have boundaries!") didn't work, I needed the literal words to say and how to say them.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 20:07
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Once I was telling a therapist about how I was plotting leaving my family and my husband was trying to find me a therapist - as was my OBGYN - and she was the only one who returned phone calls so here I was and she then proceeded to tell me about why she doesn’t accept insurance… because the insurance companies don’t pay out what she is worth.
Anonymous
09/19/2025 20:01
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:I honestly think therapy is complete bullshit.
Agree
Once I found a psychiatrist who could diagnose me and prescribe me and follow up with the sole intent on getting me stable - I wondered what the hell was I doing paying so much money for therapists for all these years?
Anonymous
09/19/2025 07:55
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen about 2 dozen different therapists since I was 8 years old (super anxious parents who were terrified everything was traumatizing me).
None of them ever actually helped. I’ve learned that sitting there for an hour talking about my problems just triggers me and makes me spiral even more.
Honestly what helped my anxiety and depression the most was learning basic skills. Things like communication, navigating the workplace, relationships, how to make friends, even things like finances and making a budget.
Communication was a big one, especially with romantic relationships - therapists always labeled me “anxious attachment” which just made me more anxious, because I either had to just stuff down my anxiety or expect a partner to accommodate it. What actually helped was learning how to talk about things like an adult.
That sounds tough. There are therapists that help coach in those kind of skills, but it sounds like that's not what you got. Did you use other resources to get those skills?
Anonymous
09/18/2025 10:53
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
I’ve seen about 2 dozen different therapists since I was 8 years old (super anxious parents who were terrified everything was traumatizing me).
None of them ever actually helped. I’ve learned that sitting there for an hour talking about my problems just triggers me and makes me spiral even more.
Honestly what helped my anxiety and depression the most was learning basic skills. Things like communication, navigating the workplace, relationships, how to make friends, even things like finances and making a budget.
Communication was a big one, especially with romantic relationships - therapists always labeled me “anxious attachment” which just made me more anxious, because I either had to just stuff down my anxiety or expect a partner to accommodate it. What actually helped was learning how to talk about things like an adult.
None of them ever actually helped. I’ve learned that sitting there for an hour talking about my problems just triggers me and makes me spiral even more.
Honestly what helped my anxiety and depression the most was learning basic skills. Things like communication, navigating the workplace, relationships, how to make friends, even things like finances and making a budget.
Communication was a big one, especially with romantic relationships - therapists always labeled me “anxious attachment” which just made me more anxious, because I either had to just stuff down my anxiety or expect a partner to accommodate it. What actually helped was learning how to talk about things like an adult.
Anonymous
09/18/2025 10:12
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
I honestly think therapy is complete bullshit.
Anonymous
09/17/2025 22:31
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:They are prostitutes. They get paid to sit there and make you feel less lonely. In the end, nothing changes because the reason you're alone, the hard fact that people don't like being around you, won't change.
I kinda think it's the opposite - therapist are the ones that people don't really like being around.
Anonymous
09/17/2025 22:29
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:Most people do not understand therapy. Most do NOT need therapy but they have been told they need therapy. -signed a therapist
^THIS.
Anonymous
09/17/2025 18:37
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:They are prostitutes. They get paid to sit there and make you feel less lonely. In the end, nothing changes because the reason you're alone, the hard fact that people don't like being around you, won't change.
Or maybe the therapist can help you can become ok with that.
Anonymous
09/17/2025 18:32
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
They are prostitutes. They get paid to sit there and make you feel less lonely. In the end, nothing changes because the reason you're alone, the hard fact that people don't like being around you, won't change.
Anonymous
09/17/2025 17:40
Subject: Re:I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
I have gone to: a psychologist, a social worker (LSW) and a therapist (I think MFT?). The social worker and therapist/MFT were most helpful. Why? I was comfortable with the LSW, she developed a rapport with me, and I trusted her. With the MFT, I was very assertive in sayin what I needed from her off the bat and asking if she could help with it and working hard at therapy.
Anonymous
09/17/2025 17:36
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you have borderline personality disorder?
No, I don’t think so. Although I think I have several symptoms - primarily intense anger at times that feels inappropriate.
Underneath that anger is a set of core beliefs that need unpacking. Usually a core fear of not being good enough.
And it’s possible that therapy can makes things temporarily worse before they are better. Think of wound that’s healed badly and inhibiting your ability to use a limb. To fix the wound you have to go in and remove the scar tissue, which will make the wound more sensitive for a time while it heals properly.
I’ve stuck with therapists for years with little improvement
Wrong therapists then.
I am training to be a therapist and I get it. I’ve had many bad ones but the good ones are great.
Seems like you are fairly biased, no? Since this is how you will make $
DP here, who also trained to be a therapist. I spent two years in grad school, 4.0 GPA (which was shockingly easy to attain, compared to my engineering undergrad), completed 3 internships with glowing reviews, and was 95% done with the program. However, a little reading is a dangerous thing. I read the text books, but I also read lots of unassigned journal articles on psychotherapy research, on bioethics, and related topics.
Finally I had to admit that there was nothing behind the curtain. Sure, people are helped by a sympathetic ear. Until 100 years ago, that kind of person was called a "friend" in English. Probably similar terms in other languages, I can't help but guess. For spiritual issues, someone could go to a priest, minister, rabbi, imam, etc. For medical issues, someone could go to a medical doctor. You get the idea.
The difference between me and a lot of the other students is that I had an existing low six-figure career I could return to. For a lot of them it was either finish this or work at Whole Foods. And for some, it was finish the program AND work at Whole Foods.
Of the people I saw in internships, 70% just needed to speak honestly with a friend, 20% needed to talk to a spiritual advisor, and 10% needed a physician.
Friends, spiritual advisors, and physicians are not equipped to provide ongoing support for people going through major life changes or recovering from trauma.
Given how you view the profession and clientele, it’s ideal that you chose not to pursue being a therapist after all.
They definitely are. All three of those categories have their place in adjustment to change and trauma recovery.
What are you going to offer? Tapping their knees during EMDR? Unserious.
No, friends/spiritual advisors/physicians are not able to provide ongoing, weekly, one-on-one support. That is unserious. No one has said they can’t serve an important place in others’ lives - but that’s not therapy.
Therapists are far more likely to be able to work with others regularly and effectively - and do so, per multiple up-to-date studies indicating the efficacy of psychodynamic therapy.
If you dislike EMDR, then make that specific case.
I see a friend every week. I also go to church every week, and during times of crisis, our minister has met with me on a weekly basis for a few months. The therapeutic relationship developed naturally in these cases and neither my friend nor my minister had to Dx me with GAD after the initial Adjustment Disorder Dx timed out so that they could bill insurance. In turn, I also make myself available to friends and fellow parishioners during difficult times. Funny how that works.
Regarding studies, you know as well as I do about the replication problems in psychotherapy "research".
EMDR is a particularly bad offender in this area, with the shallow research and certification program pushed by its founder. And now brainspotting is piggy-backing on the charlatanism of EMDR. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.
Hooray! Thank you for an honest post
Anonymous
09/17/2025 17:35
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Use phd psychologist therapists in specialties that match your Dx.
Yes and?
They’re effective.
Ours was an AS/NT relationship psychologist and she was very helpful for 6 mos and now we just do fine tuning. Gave us tools, tips, systems, understanding, etc.
Our kids was also helpful for adhd/asd. Every few years our kid goes back- to get coping skills and tips to manage symptoms for middle school, for high school, for parents, for friends, for driving.
They are specialists we sought out given our situations and formal diagnoses.
I also recommend them or trauma talk theorists for the functional family members to talk with and cope with the dysfunctional family member.
BTDT
Anonymous
09/17/2025 16:19
Subject: Re:I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes seeing a therapist is just about venting, saying things out loud, privately,
that is the helping element.
Agree.
People need to know the difference bt Talk Therapy and very targeted therapy to get tools, coping, homework to improve something or deal with something/someone in a healthy way. Or with mental disorders of oneself or someone in the family.
Anonymous
09/17/2025 15:54
Subject: I’ve never had a therapist that helped me with much
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you have borderline personality disorder?
No, I don’t think so. Although I think I have several symptoms - primarily intense anger at times that feels inappropriate.
Underneath that anger is a set of core beliefs that need unpacking. Usually a core fear of not being good enough.
And it’s possible that therapy can makes things temporarily worse before they are better. Think of wound that’s healed badly and inhibiting your ability to use a limb. To fix the wound you have to go in and remove the scar tissue, which will make the wound more sensitive for a time while it heals properly.
I’ve stuck with therapists for years with little improvement
Wrong therapists then.
I am training to be a therapist and I get it. I’ve had many bad ones but the good ones are great.
Seems like you are fairly biased, no? Since this is how you will make $
DP here, who also trained to be a therapist. I spent two years in grad school, 4.0 GPA (which was shockingly easy to attain, compared to my engineering undergrad), completed 3 internships with glowing reviews, and was 95% done with the program. However, a little reading is a dangerous thing. I read the text books, but I also read lots of unassigned journal articles on psychotherapy research, on bioethics, and related topics.
Finally I had to admit that there was nothing behind the curtain. Sure, people are helped by a sympathetic ear. Until 100 years ago, that kind of person was called a "friend" in English. Probably similar terms in other languages, I can't help but guess. For spiritual issues, someone could go to a priest, minister, rabbi, imam, etc. For medical issues, someone could go to a medical doctor. You get the idea.
The difference between me and a lot of the other students is that I had an existing low six-figure career I could return to. For a lot of them it was either finish this or work at Whole Foods. And for some, it was finish the program AND work at Whole Foods.
Of the people I saw in internships, 70% just needed to speak honestly with a friend, 20% needed to talk to a spiritual advisor, and 10% needed a physician.
Friends, spiritual advisors, and physicians are not equipped to provide ongoing support for people going through major life changes or recovering from trauma.
Given how you view the profession and clientele, it’s ideal that you chose not to pursue being a therapist after all.
They definitely are. All three of those categories have their place in adjustment to change and trauma recovery.
What are you going to offer? Tapping their knees during EMDR? Unserious.
No, friends/spiritual advisors/physicians are not able to provide ongoing, weekly, one-on-one support. That is unserious. No one has said they can’t serve an important place in others’ lives - but that’s not therapy.
Therapists are far more likely to be able to work with others regularly and effectively - and do so, per multiple up-to-date studies indicating the efficacy of psychodynamic therapy.
If you dislike EMDR, then make that specific case.
I see a friend every week. I also go to church every week, and during times of crisis, our minister has met with me on a weekly basis for a few months. The therapeutic relationship developed naturally in these cases and neither my friend nor my minister had to Dx me with GAD after the initial Adjustment Disorder Dx timed out so that they could bill insurance. In turn, I also make myself available to friends and fellow parishioners during difficult times. Funny how that works.
Regarding studies, you know as well as I do about the replication problems in psychotherapy "research".
EMDR is a particularly bad offender in this area, with the shallow research and certification program pushed by its founder. And now brainspotting is piggy-backing on the charlatanism of EMDR. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.
I’m glad for you, and yet, you are consistently denigrating other professionals, and their clients who deeply benefit from seeing a therapist. Your experience does not mean everyone else must do the same as you, nor that they can or would have the same benefits or experience.
Therapy is often about learning to let go of trying to control others, which you seem unwilling to do. I’m sorry you’re discounting quality research and trying to speak for me, and I disagree with your conclusion.
I have no opinions on EMDR, as I’ve been referencing psychodynamic therapy throughout.
Take care.