DH was infertile at 27, when we (I) started trying. He also resisted treatments, i.e., would not take the meds or supplements, would not visit the doctor. I have my 2 hard-won children now, but I should have married later in life to someone else. I'd spare myself so much grief and tears, and I would probably have had the kids at the same ages I did (30 and 35).

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

I had a baby at 32. Sorry I didn’t live a dcum perfect life where I met my soul mate in college, got engaged at 25-26 and then had a baby before 30. I had no issues getting pregnant and I have a healthy child.

+1 "Have children when you are younger"! No thanks, I wanted to be happily married before I had kid. We married at 32 and had two healthy babies without fertility issues at 34 and 38.

Stop with the false dichotomy! It's entirely possible to be happily married in your late twenties and have a baby at 30. It's also possible to be happily married for the first time in your mid thirties and have your first child in your late 30's.

I'm just so sick of the old parents claiming that there is "no way" someone who gets married earlier than they did is happy and thriving.

I'm a "older parent" and I can't only think of one couple I know in my generation that got married and had kids before 30 that is still together. And the vast majority of the rest had divorced (or broke up, in the case of the two unmarried couples I can think of) before 30. Maybe they're happy and thriving now, 10+ years on from the end of the relationship, but they sure as heck weren't for a good long time. Watching young marriages with young kids implode convinced me I was absolutely right to wait until I was in my mid-30s before having a kid.

Every single one of my group of friends who got married by 26 is divorced and most of those marriages died in under 5 years. People change so much from age 26-30.

Anonymous wrote:Those falling for this RWNJ pronatalist fearmongering are a bunch of rubes.

+100

You've also noticed the constant posts trying to normalize younger marriage. They try to be sneaky but it's always the same tired bs.

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Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Social media isn’t helping this. 28 year olds think they are owed a farm kitchen and a pool, not a 30 year old townhouse.

Nah, I think most 28 year olds just want a decent place to live. Your idea that they have champagne tastes is also fueled by social media.

Disagree. My good friend is a realtor. All the 20 somethings want fully updated houses. No honey oak cabinets and bright brass fixtures for them- even if it were very affordable. They’d rather shell out $$$$ for the (cheaply) flipped updated house

What a load. 20 somethings are buying and living in townhouses well, well outside the beltway. My spouse and I did the same. Now they just live further from dc or live in an even older townhouse. You and your realtor are liars.

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Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Social media isn’t helping this. 28 year olds think they are owed a farm kitchen and a pool, not a 30 year old townhouse.

Nah, I think most 28 year olds just want a decent place to live. Your idea that they have champagne tastes is also fueled by social media.

Disagree. My good friend is a realtor. All the 20 somethings want fully updated houses. No honey oak cabinets and bright brass fixtures for them- even if it were very affordable. They’d rather shell out $$$$ for the (cheaply) flipped updated house

Ok please tell me where in the DMV there are affordable starter houses in a safe neighborhood.

Anonymous wrote:I'm just so sick of people encountering infertility in their late 30s and 40s with SURPRISE. This should not be a surprise to ANYONE. Or then complaining about the cost of fertility treatments.

It just seems the absolute height of hubris. That you, and your body, are somehow immune to basic biological processes, that your fertility should wait on YOU and your timeline.

Wow, you are unhinged. I know too many women who got pregnant easily past 35.

Anonymous wrote:I'm just so sick of people encountering infertility in their late 30s and 40s with SURPRISE. This should not be a surprise to ANYONE. Or then complaining about the cost of fertility treatments.

It just seems the absolute height of hubris. That you, and your body, are somehow immune to basic biological processes, that your fertility should wait on YOU and your timeline.

This is...a weird thing to care about.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I feel like everyone is trying a little too hard to avoid the true answer to the infertility issues. Have children when you are younger. Even the issues highlighted in this article, and thank you to the author for highlighting the misogynistic tenor of infertility (it's NOT always the woman's fault!), many of which can be avoided by not waiting until your junk is ancient.

I get it, it's hugely inconvenient, you aren't as rich as you imagine you may be in your 30s/40s, you want to party and travel, etc.

I fully respect the choice to be child-free. But if you think you want kids, find a spouse and get on it. Don't spend another twenty years dancing around the reasons for infertility or fertility challenges, we know the answer. Have kids when you are younger!


Link for those of you with accounts, I don't know how to gift an article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/12/opinion/freeze-sperm-infertility-chemicals.html

I had a baby at 32. Sorry I didn’t live a dcum perfect life where I met my soul mate in college, got engaged at 25-26 and then had a baby before 30. I had no issues getting pregnant and I have a healthy child.

No one here is touting that as the perfect life. The people, like this poster, who push this myth are new arrivals to this site. The are rwnjs doing anything they can to perpetuate the myth that everyone gets married by 26. The poors get married early. The poors almost always end up republicans. This is all part of project 2025. They keep making these same types of posts all pushing the idea that people need to get married young. Go to youtube and listen to how important this is to the rwnj influencers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm just so sick of people encountering infertility in their late 30s and 40s with SURPRISE. This should not be a surprise to ANYONE. Or then complaining about the cost of fertility treatments.

It just seems the absolute height of hubris. That you, and your body, are somehow immune to basic biological processes, that your fertility should wait on YOU and your timeline.

Literally no one is.

I'm just so sick of people encountering infertility in their late 30s and 40s with SURPRISE. This should not be a surprise to ANYONE. Or then complaining about the cost of fertility treatments.

It just seems the absolute height of hubris. That you, and your body, are somehow immune to basic biological processes, that your fertility should wait on YOU and your timeline.

Anonymous wrote:Daycare is optional if one parent makes a good (enough) salary and has health insurance. The other parent can stay home.

Buying a house is optional. Rent an apartment (we lived in a one-bedroom until our first was one) instead of buying a house. Only have one car. Don't buy all the fancy baby stuff.

If you don't want to do this, don't. Roll the dice and wait until you are older.

But don't complain that you can't afford to have a child. You just don't want to live cheaply or slightly uncomfortably.

Lots of young people already do this. They plan to continue renting, they don't own cars (or even get licenses). They thrift.

But they know their jobs aren't secure. Getting laid off sucks. Getting laid off with a mortgage, a stay at home spouse and a couple kids sucks even more.

It's interesting, majority of my friends and I had babies in our late 30s and did not need infertility treatments. I think the OP is projecting their negative experiences onto other people.

I'm really grateful for the family that I have in the timeline that I'm currently in I don't think I would have been happier having children at age 26 vs having them at 36.

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Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Social media isn’t helping this. 28 year olds think they are owed a farm kitchen and a pool, not a 30 year old townhouse.

Nah, I think most 28 year olds just want a decent place to live. Your idea that they have champagne tastes is also fueled by social media.

Disagree. My good friend is a realtor. All the 20 somethings want fully updated houses. No honey oak cabinets and bright brass fixtures for them- even if it were very affordable. They’d rather shell out $$$$ for the (cheaply) flipped updated house

Statistics tell a different story—we’re talking about all 20 somethings in the US. Your friend is a realtor for a very small subset of people. Surely you realize this.

Yeah we are talking about these subset of 20 somethings who have enough money for a down payment, likely due to a combination of generational wealth and working in a very lucrative job.

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Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Most people are done with undergrad by 22 and by 25, at least one of the spouse is working in a professional full time job with health insurance etc.

I want you to go look at the entry level job market and see just how hard it is to get a job right now

Yeah you have no idea what the job market is like for 25-year-olds these days

DP - I’m not pushing for people to have a baby at 24-25 (unless they want to!) But I do think younger people, both men and women, need to start dating with intent to be in a committed relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage, while they are, yes, still in college. If they don’t find someone, at least they’ve had actual relationship experience, not just dating and hookups. That is important too.

I think the goal really should be marriage in your mid 20s and a first baby before you turn 30. I didn’t quite make this personally, I was married at 25 but didn’t have my first kid until 31 due to … unexplained infertility. Now imagine if I had married at 30, we spent 2-3 years doing whatever, then started getting serious about having kids at 33, and found out about infertility then. Now you’re getting close to the age of decreased fertility at 35. Now you might not be able to wait it out or do less invasive/less expensive things like progesterone supplementation or traditional IUI. Everything that doesn’t work takes months, and you lose time, and maybe don’t have the family size that you want, or it costs much more money than it might have 5 years earlier and affects your health and wellness too.

And yet some other people don't have that same goal. Crazy how that works.

Sure, don’t have kids at all and live a child free life, or just have 1, or do whatever you want. But you can’t be surprised and upset if you have to go down the route of expensive and invasive fertility treatments in your mid-late 30s or if you end up with a smaller family size than you originally imagined.

And it’s not just a family size issue, earlier marriage sets you up for more financial security early on, regardless of if/when kids come into the picture. This focus on casual dating and you have to be financially secure before marriage is hurting middle class people in their 20s.

So did you have really bad experiences with infertility treatments and that's why you're projecting it on to everybody else?

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Anonymous wrote:If you want people to have babies in their twenties, make college and daycare free and get the housing market sorted out so that most young people can spend less than 50% of their income just on shelter within commuting distance. Until then, having a baby while young is something for the very poor and very wealthy outside of very conservative religious backgrounds.

Social media isn’t helping this. 28 year olds think they are owed a farm kitchen and a pool, not a 30 year old townhouse.

Nah, I think most 28 year olds just want a decent place to live. Your idea that they have champagne tastes is also fueled by social media.

Disagree. My good friend is a realtor. All the 20 somethings want fully updated houses. No honey oak cabinets and bright brass fixtures for them- even if it were very affordable. They’d rather shell out $$$$ for the (cheaply) flipped updated house

I have a coworker who chose a flipped house in a high-crime neighborhood over a larger house in a nice neighborhood because of the icky 90s kitchen.

Was it the icky 90s kitchen or was it dated systems and appliances that would have cost a lot of money to upgrade and replace as they inevitably failed? That's how we ended up in our flipped house. We wanted a fixer upper that we could put sweat equity into over time. The problem was that all the ones we looked at needed major investments within a short time frame -- new roof, hot water heater, kitchen appliances nearing the end of their lives, dated electrical and plumbing, foundation issues. We were first time home buyers and were scraping together money for our down payment. We were very nervous about getting hit with a repair that would cost 5, 10, or 20k within a few years of moving into the house, when buying the house was already stretching our finances thin. So we wound up buying a flipped house in a slightly less desirable but adjacent neighborhood because even though we didn't love the flip, we knew that all systems and appliances (including the roof, HVAC, water heater) were all brand new. And it was the right move because we didn't have to spend almost any money on maintenance for the first 10 years we lived there, which allowed us to save a lot more money.

We weren't freaking out over 90s kitchens or dated tile. We just didn't want to buy a money pit we couldn't afford. I think this is the primary reason a lot of first time buyers avoid fixer uppers.