Anonymous
Post 06/10/2025 16:20     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.


If your sole criteria for a successful marriage is non-stop-effing, sounds like... marriage isn't your thing?


I love how you ignored everything else she wrote.

Married people have sex. It is perfectly normal to expect sex in a marriage and it is abusive to arbitrarily decide it's not something you want to do and deny your spouse the intimacy (barring any health issues).

So, I'm guessing you're triggered because you are one of those spouses who denies his/her partner sex in a marriage? If so, you're an abuser.


Not you again with your expectations. Stuff happens; you sound immature and rigid.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2025 16:05     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.


If your sole criteria for a successful marriage is non-stop-effing, sounds like... marriage isn't your thing?


I love how you ignored everything else she wrote.

Married people have sex. It is perfectly normal to expect sex in a marriage and it is abusive to arbitrarily decide it's not something you want to do and deny your spouse the intimacy (barring any health issues).

So, I'm guessing you're triggered because you are one of those spouses who denies his/her partner sex in a marriage? If so, you're an abuser.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2025 15:57     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
I don't believe the men claiming their wives don't want sex. From reading this forum my impression is that nearly all women love sex. And sexless marriages are solely the fault of the husbands because their wives regardless of age are always ready for sex.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2025 15:53     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:Same thing. Good husband and good father but little interest in sex after the first five or so years. I wasn't about to blow up my kid's lives because mommy isn't getting any. However, once the youngest graduated HS I left him. Had some of the best sex of my life after that, I had no idea it could be so great!


Same. After the youngest was in college, I left her. It’d been years since she had an interest in sex. Decent mom but lousy wife.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2025 07:03     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
I waited 10 years no sex till I found out he was cheating. In retrospect I wish I had opened the marriage up. I was too traditional. He was already cheating though. My only consolation was that the kids were older when we finally divorced. Still it was a hard life with no sex in my 30s and 40s.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 17:01     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
My wife doesn't want to have sex with me, and I have gone from mad to sad to bad. The last time? Probably seven years ago, when our second was conceived. She must definitely be gay too, actually, in this case, lesbian.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2025 01:03     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Same thing. Good husband and good father but little interest in sex after the first five or so years. I wasn't about to blow up my kid's lives because mommy isn't getting any. However, once the youngest graduated HS I left him. Had some of the best sex of my life after that, I had no idea it could be so great!
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2025 08:15     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.


Our culture is very quick to pinpoint that a man is gay and I don't know why. We don't say the same about women. What is it about men that we start suspecting that they are gay?!
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 20:01     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Makes me feel better that my husband always wants to jump on me… but is having issues finding a job. We all have our hang ups…
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 19:50     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.


If your sole criteria for a successful marriage is non-stop-effing, sounds like... marriage isn't your thing?
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 19:41     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP! I feel terrible for your situation.

Is it possible he has ADHD?
Adhd doesn’t mess up sex drive, at least not in my case


If everything is working correctly, ADHD is more likely to make men hypersexual, not less sexual.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 18:17     Subject: Re:DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but:

- it’s likely he has low - T. Is he otherwise low energy or often down/ depressed? These are symptoms of it.

In any event, you deserve better, OP.


+ 1.

Your husband denying you this type of affection and love is a form of emotional abuse.


Demanding that an uninterested spouse have sex is also abuse. It's coercive and unpleasant and not what sex should be.

These two need to get a divorce.

Or just let her get an AP - don't ask, don't tell.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 16:42     Subject: Re:DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but:

- it’s likely he has low - T. Is he otherwise low energy or often down/ depressed? These are symptoms of it.

In any event, you deserve better, OP.


+ 1.

Your husband denying you this type of affection and love is a form of emotional abuse.


Demanding that an uninterested spouse have sex is also abuse. It's coercive and unpleasant and not what sex should be.

These two need to get a divorce.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 16:40     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: no, he is not gay, if that were the case it would be an explanation, but it is not, and no, I am not in denial.
He is just a man with very low sex drive, and who is content with other things besides sex. We fell in love young and sex was good and often, and in our early 30s as we started getting serious in our careers and stress was at the highest, his sexual appetite started decreasing. And it only lowered from there for him. Although hooking up with other people sounds erotic and exciting, this is not what I am after, I rather find a way to try to fix our relationship and find some compromise somewhere in there.


for the record, you have no way of knowing this. I would've said the same about my ex (and he still nagged me for sex!) but he was hooking up with dudes during the day while I was at work. and all those dudes he was hooking up with were also married and "straight." sigh.


So true! Same experience. Ex was very interested in sex but turns out he was part of the married men hooking up with each other club and their wives have no clue. It’s really sad - they all claim to be bi or straight and they would hook up every time the wives were out of town. One even had a disabled child at home each time.


Hot


Yeah, until they come home with an STD.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 13:19     Subject: DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP! I feel terrible for your situation.

Is it possible he has ADHD?
Adhd doesn’t mess up sex drive, at least not in my case