Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of siblings and even their spouses play up the card that they make less money or have more kids than their other siblings' families, in an attempt to "win over" more inheritance money and assets.

Older parents at the grandparent age should hope this doesn't get proposed to them, because it usually causes long-lasting problems.

Split things equally amongst your adult children. Most understand if one sib was primary caretaker or managing the finances in the other year, and may get paid for that. But splitting the inheritance or paying for only one sib's family stuff damages things. Doing so in secret, really does.

Both my husband and I have ne'er do well brother who can't get their shit together. The rest of us (siblings on all sides) are doing much better than these two black sheep. In both cases we fully expect our parents to leave them more. They "need" it more. Our parents are right. It is what it is. The less we are expected to help them later in life the better. It doesn't make us hate or resent our parents for wanting to die knowing all their kids will be taken care of.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of siblings and even their spouses play up the card that they make less money or have more kids than their other siblings' families, in an attempt to "win over" more inheritance money and assets.

Older parents at the grandparent age should hope this doesn't get proposed to them, because it usually causes long-lasting problems.

Split things equally amongst your adult children. Most understand if one sib was primary caretaker or managing the finances in the other year, and may get paid for that. But splitting the inheritance or paying for only one sib's family stuff damages things. Doing so in secret, really does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you spend a second thinking about this?

My narcissistic mother could leave her stuff to Elon Musk and I couldn't care less.

Probably not worth pursuing this line but if I were to guess it will be to my “perfect” golden child sister who is incapable of holding down a job, maintaining friendships, or staying in a marriage or romantic relationship… no kids, no ability to self regulate or capacity for self reflection. Very sad my parents have enabled and empowered her to where she is now. I would happily forfeit the ability to clean out my mom’s house full of belongings she’s hoarded and any inheritance for the happy, stable, drama free life that I live as a result of being semi-estranged.

Anonymous wrote:A truly narcissistic parent will play mind games with inheritance, yes OP. Thinking about hurting you, even from beyond the grave, makes them happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

Why do you need to untangle the mess and challenge in court? So you can inherit? In that case, you must think it is worth the time and stress. You can blame your situation on no one but yourself.

Sounds worth it to fight that. If over $500k at stake and it’s not “missing.”

Why are you always siding with the scam artists on this board Op? Are you one too or you like to post nonsense all the time?

I'm a totally new poster. The point is that people should own their own decisions. No one is forcing this poster and her husband to engage in this situation. But they want to both get the money and cry about how abused they are. They are choosing this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

Why do you need to untangle the mess and challenge in court? So you can inherit? In that case, you must think it is worth the time and stress. You can blame your situation on no one but yourself.

Sounds worth it to fight that. If over $500k at stake and it’s not “missing.”

Why are you always siding with the scam artists on this board Op? Are you one too or you like to post nonsense all the time?

I'm a totally new poster. The point is that people should own their own decisions. No one is forcing this poster and her husband to engage in this situation. But they want to both get the money and cry about how abused they are. They are choosing this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

Why do you want to exclude the felons? Does that take into account the whole 40-60 kids? If you want to reward the good and behaved kids doesn't that say you're perfectly fine with unequal splits? People seem to want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't want relationships with their parents, don't want to help in old age, but also want "their share" of the estate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

Why do you want to exclude the felons? Does that take into account the whole 40-60 years? If you want to reward the good and behaved kids doesn't that say you're perfectly fine with unequal splits? People seem to want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't want relationships with their parents, don't want to help in old age, but also want "their share" of the estate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

Why do you need to untangle the mess and challenge in court? So you can inherit? In that case, you must think it is worth the time and stress. You can blame your situation on no one but yourself.

Sounds worth it to fight that. If over $500k at stake and it’s not “missing.”

Why are you always siding with the scam artists on this board Op? Are you one too or you like to post nonsense all the time?

Anonymous wrote:Unclear what the previous two posts are actually about or the POV.
Start a new thread perhaps? Old people not trusting their adult kids?

My take is they should take the whole 40-60 years into account but some are highly susceptible to butt kissing the last decade of their lives. So while good kids check in occasionally and see you in person. The butt kisser relative is love bombing you and pumping you for info, calls, letter, emails, but still only one stop by a year….

And yes split equally amongst non felon kin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

Why do you need to untangle the mess and challenge in court? So you can inherit? In that case, you must think it is worth the time and stress. You can blame your situation on no one but yourself.