Anonymous wrote:Just call them, its not a big deal. They probably opened it, thought "Oh I need to talk to X about this" and then stuff happened and they forgot. During non pandemic times people still forget things like this, add in the logistics of the pandemic and it is worse. They aren't doing it to be rude. they aren't doing it because they are jerks. And it is no big deal for you to say "Hey! Caterer needs a head count and I was wondering if you guys were going to make it!"

Stop trying to make this into something its not.

What are the logistics of the pandemic in regards to a memorial service?

Never once in my life have I been asked to RSVP for a memorial service.

I understand why you need a headcount, but I’ve never been asked to RSVP for a memorial service. I think people probably missed or forgot that an RSVP was requested because it is unusual.

Just call them, its not a big deal. They probably opened it, thought "Oh I need to talk to X about this" and then stuff happened and they forgot. During non pandemic times people still forget things like this, add in the logistics of the pandemic and it is worse. They aren't doing it to be rude. they aren't doing it because they are jerks. And it is no big deal for you to say "Hey! Caterer needs a head count and I was wondering if you guys were going to make it!"

Stop trying to make this into something its not.

The pandemic has made simple things complicated. Are you having it all outside? Will people be vaccinated or tested? Do they have to travel in planes or public transportation to get there? Do they have unvaccinated or immunocomprised people in their household? Are the children in school?

Anonymous wrote:Call them and extend the invitation personally, then let them know your caterer wants a headcount.

This is the obvious answer. Call them.

Call them and extend the invitation personally, then let them know your caterer wants a headcount.

OP, sorry for your loss. In a case like this, people may think they need to write a nice message in the rsvp and that's a big emotional burden for them so they set it aside and forget.

Was there an ‘rsvp by’ date? If a date wasn’t given and there was no indication things would be catered, it may be viewed as a notice/FYI. I wouldn’t assume I needed to promptly reply (or reply at all) to an announcement without a date.

Also, if a date was given, then they aren’t late until that date passes.

Send a reminder, mention you need a final headcount, and indicate an ‘rsvp by’ date.

We have ADHD.

You might need to call them. My elderly relatives would not respond to emailed invites and would want mailed invites.

I wouldn't necessarily assume that you needed an RSVP for a memorial service. Plus, those online invitations are easy to open, think "Oh, I'll double-check my calendar," or something, and then forget to go back and RSVP. You can set a reminder, which is a good idea.

That sucks. Just call them. Try to be gracious about it. They’re totally in the wrong and they know it so there’s no reason to make it a thing.

OP, sorry for your loss and that you’re dealing with this.

Warning that you are about to hear from people who think you’re wrong to expect a response.

I am hosting a celebration of life for my father.
Most people replied within a few days, but several folks -- including his brother, sisters-in-law, and his longtime best friend and wife -- haven't responded although I cannot imagine they would not come.
We are giving each guest a personal memento and my caterer is asking for a head count and it would just be nice to know the exact # but more than that I just find it kind of rude not to RSVP to someone's memorial service!!?

WWYD, call them and follow up? Send email reminder? It was an emailed Paperless invite where you can see if the invite was opened, and it shows they did receive and open it, just did not reply. Thanks. SORRY but eeeeeehgghgh.