Sounds like your DH has either AdD or depression. And that you somehow think it is your right or role to treat him like a child. This won’t help anything. Adults with problems are not children and your judgmental sanctimony will backfire. Do you want to raise this child alone?

You need to sit with your dogs in another room? Why? Will they go crazy in the room if they are alone? Why did you not shut the dogs away and help clean the apartment in 20 mins if you wanted dinner/date plans? He has problems definitely, but so do you.

Why did you take the dogs out for exercise so he could clean.....when he wasn’t even awake yet? That doesn’t make sense.

Anonymous wrote:It seems like your day(s) would go a lot smoother if you communicated clearly instead of assuming he'll do things on your schedule and read your mind and stewing in another room all day.

When you got back at 2:30 and he hadn't started cleaning, that would've been the time to say, what does this mean for tonight's plans? And then figure out a new plan that might involve postponing the cleaning til tomorrow and prioritizing your date night.

Martyrs suck.

This, 100%. I can’t imagine just sitting in a room stewing in disappointment - that’s how resentment builds. Next time, communicate and determine a new plan when things change.

Anonymous wrote:Good luck. I have 2 kids and DH woke up at 3:30 PM today

Not to highjack but wtf. Does he do shift work? How an adult human who isn’t clinically depressed can sleep till 3:30p is amazing.

It seems like your day(s) would go a lot smoother if you communicated clearly instead of assuming he'll do things on your schedule and read your mind and stewing in another room all day.

When you got back at 2:30 and he hadn't started cleaning, that would've been the time to say, what does this mean for tonight's plans? And then figure out a new plan that might involve postponing the cleaning til tomorrow and prioritizing your date night.

Martyrs suck.

You are hormonal. The only twit is you. You’re welcome.

While I empathize with you as this is a new behavior for him I'd be concerned about depression.


I also don't think you should make any big decisions while your pregnancy hormones are talking.

DH is also terrible about doing things. I like hiking, checking out museums and restaurants, taking the kids out to do kid friendly activities. Not him. He likes to sit in the couch. All day, apparently. And mow the lawn on Sunday.

I just do all the stuff I like to do without him and stopped trying to get him to join in.

That sounds really annoying. No flaming from me, I’m team OP

Anonymous wrote:Good luck. I have 2 kids and DH woke up at 3:30 PM today

Please tell me you are doing something about that.

Good luck. I have 2 kids and DH woke up at 3:30 PM today

OMG. No words OP. I would be pissed also. He needs a wake up call before the baby comes; I just don't know what that wake up call entails (x-violence).

Well yeah he’s lazy but you sound like a hyperactive two-year-old who needs distractions. A baby will definitely make you more inclined to sleep as much as you can like the lazy DH.

Over the last few months H has been doing less and less. He never cooks anymore, just tells me to make what I want for me and he’ll take care of himself (which usually means fast food). Doesn’t do basic household duties, like loading his dishes into the empty dishwasher, just stacks them next to the sink. Stays up all night doing god knows what and then sleeps in.

I’m totally fed up today. We had talked about going out and having fun since we haven’t in awhile, I looked up a bunch of new restaurants to try tonight, we talked about seeing a movie or starting a Netflix show we’ve been wanting to watch, and I wanted to have a long sec session since we’ve only had time for quickies lately.

We decided to divide up the tasks to get done today, I would go run errands while he cleaned the apartment. I woke up earlier than him (of course), exercises the dogs so they would leave him alone while he cleaned, of course he was still asleep when I returned.

Went out for a few hours running errands. Returned home at around 230pm and he had done nothing. NOTHING.

I asked what he did all day and he said “oh, not much, just lounging around and was about to get started cleaning”.

Then he asked me if I could TAKE THE DOGS SOMEWHERE so he could clean without being interrupted. As in, take them out of the apartment. Instead I took them into the guest bedroom and sat in there for a couple hours reading and pretty pissed that he did absolutely nothing while I was gone.

He’s been “cleaning” since 3pm and he’s still f***ing cleaning hours and hours later. He spent about three hours vacuuming. It’s a 2 bedroom apartment, I don’t know why TF it takes him so long, I can get it all done in 20 minutes. And he keeps randomly stopping for breaks. And the WORST part is he’s had headphones in, listening to some dumb podcast and laughing along all day, and every time he laughs I want to scream.

Now it’s my bedtime, so we did absolutely nothing we had planned, and I spent my whole day sitting around listening to his stupid laugh. If he had just told me he didn’t want to go out and just want to stay home and take his time cleaning, fine. I would have made other plans. But now my whole day has been wasted.

We’re supposed to go hiking tomorrow because he’s been bailing on it for months, we make plans to go and he always decides to spend the day doing “chores” but I don’t even know what he actually does all day because the apartment isn’t that clean. I know he’s gonna sleep in until 10am tomorrow and then decide not to go, so if he’s not up by 8 I’m just going to go by myself.

I have no idea what happened. He used to love cooking, going out, doing things together, and he kept things fairly clean but now he just sits around all day doing nothing.

I’m so frustrated and if it continues I’m seriously considering moving out. He talks a big game about helping out with the baby but I just don’t see it happening.

Vent over. Flame away, DCUM.