After my MIL died we discovered that my FIL is gay. And now realize some of his friends were probably more than friends. For us, we always thought maybe he was attracted to men but assumed he wouldn't have ever acted on it due to the presumed stigma. But even though we had those suspicions, we were still really surprised to learn he was/in relationships with men.

He is still alive and lives with his partner, who he says is a friend who needs a place to stay temporarily (friend has since bought a house and sold it yet still lives with FIL). FIL doesn't know we know. We don't know why he won't be open about it.

I feel bad for MIL, but glad FIL is living his life now. Just wish he'd be open.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean bisexual. And maybe he wanted to stay married and have that American dream.

You don't know that.

Unless OP was conceived by artificial insemination, I do know that.

You think a gay man can’t close his eyes and think of England? Having had sex with a woman a few (or even many) times does not mean you can’t be gay.

It's a spectrum, PP. Some can do it, some can't. At which point does it get into bisexual territory, who knows...

But I think my point is more that OP should take things slow. These subjects were pretty much taboo in many families, so what did OP's parents tell each other, how much did her mother misconstrue? OP may never know exactly what happened, and perhaps it's not important in the end. If her parents were kind, decent, loving, people, that's way more important.

OP how did your mom feel about it? Was she upset to not have a straight husband?

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 60 something lesbian and I can tell you that being gay was so difficult until about the last 20 years. For those of us who grew up and older living in fear, it can be hard to believe it’s really ok to be gay. And honestly it isnt ok to be gay everywhere.

And I meant to add that I’m sorry for all of you.

I’m a 60 something lesbian and I can tell you that being gay was so difficult until about the last 20 years. For those of us who grew up and older living in fear, it can be hard to believe it’s really ok to be gay. And honestly it isnt ok to be gay everywhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean bisexual. And maybe he wanted to stay married and have that American dream.

You don't know that.

Unless OP was conceived by artificial insemination, I do know that.

You think a gay man can’t close his eyes and think of England? Having had sex with a woman a few (or even many) times does not mean you can’t be gay.

Wow, so White Lotus!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean bisexual. And maybe he wanted to stay married and have that American dream.

You don't know that.

Unless OP was conceived by artificial insemination, I do know that.

Hugs, OP. I second the first three replies to your post.

Anonymous wrote:You mean bisexual. And maybe he wanted to stay married and have that American dream.

You don't know that.

You mean bisexual. And maybe he wanted to stay married and have that American dream.

You don't need therapy, you just need to know that your parents loved each other, supported each other and protected you. I think that's good enough.

I'm so sorry that he wasn't able to live the life he dreamed and you only found out post-death. Glad your mother clearly loved him so much that she's kept his secret close even in death.

Hugs OP. Hugs to you and your family.

I DID NOT see that coming. My mother just told me and I am so floored, "not there's anything wrong with it." My own daughter is gay, I have no "issues" with anyone who is gay. I just never knew to put my own dad in that category and I'm so sad for him that he never got to live his life the way he should and that my mom didn't either (they stayed married until he died). It explains so much, including why he was forced out of a partnership at an accounting firm. It never made any sense....

I don't even know why I'm posting here, but my mother (holy hell can she keep a secret) is swearing me to secrecy. I am literally the only person she has told in 55 years of knowing this information. So here I come.

I'm just so sad I can't look him in the eye and I say "I love you. I love all of you."

This might send me back to therapy.