Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing fun with young children. Just get through the day and enjoy the alone time hour at the end of the day.

I hope this is sarcasm
Otherwise wow I feel sorry for your family

I’m pregnant work for home a demanding job just like my spouse and have a 3 year old that is defiant doesn’t nap and just tantrumed at the park and in the car for an hour. And we’ve been locked in since last March. No, it’s not sarcasm. I have no memory of fun. And don’t worry we’re all feeling sorry for ourselves enough.

OP needs to be realistic that it’s not fun or thankful for the moments of fun that she may have that others don’t.

Mine are 4 and 10 months. I like going to the splash pad a lot with them. We take walks and collect sticks, we play at home and read books. I do not find trips or the pool fun unless I have help. We have picnics outside and that’s fun but eating at a restaurant with them is stressful.

At that age I loved going to museums and splash pads with the kids.

Also people say travel with kids is terrible but one good thing about it is that it forces you to find fun things to do with them. It was actually easier to have fun with my kids while traveling than it was at home.

Do you have any parent friends with kids the same age? That makes a huge difference. Unstructured, preferably outdoor activities. Also, you may have to redefine your “fun”. I can have fun at a nice playground and park and beach, especially with other families around. Fun at a restaurant? No.

Anonymous wrote:I realized that there are very few things that are enjoyable to do with my young children (4 and 1.5). Everything that seems like it could be fun - going out to a restaurant, going to the playground or pool, going on vacation, etc. are really just stressful. I’m wondering if there are things you do with your children that are actually fun for everyone. I would hate to look back and feel like I unnecessarily just suffered through this part of life when things could have been fun.

OP, although you may feel these are fun things to do, they are not what a 4 or 1.5 year might enjoy.

Oftentimes, the most simplest actives can bring a world of joy to this age group. My Kids loved the kiddie pool on the deck. I am out there in the shade watching them stomp around and bathe in the sun. I gave them a set of measuring cups/spoons and little buckets. They found all different ways to fill and refill the buckets while getting each other and me wet from head to toe. We eat snacks out there. I had a kiddie friendly rubber stamp set (from art or toy stores). They would stamp each other with it all over their arms and legs. We can easily kill 2-3 hours in the morning of evening (to avoid the heat) like that. When it got nicer, we do crafts on a picnic blanket.

Once when we were moving, I had to shred office paper and both of them used that as hay for their “play barn” (shallow buckets for barn stall). Yeah we got shredded paper all over the hardwood floor, but it was another fun thing to do afterwards to pick them up.

So the simpler and sillier games, the better for this stage.

Anonymous wrote:I realized that there are very few things that are enjoyable to do with my young children (4 and 1.5). Everything that seems like it could be fun - going out to a restaurant, going to the playground or pool, going on vacation, etc. are really just stressful. I’m wondering if there are things you do with your children that are actually fun for everyone. I would hate to look back and feel like I unnecessarily just suffered through this part of life when things could have been fun.

If there is a hell, it will be me stuck in a crowded restaurant with slow service and two starving kids aged 1 and 4.

Mine have a similar age gap as yours. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who found the playground stressful. I thought "AITA?" Their abilities are so different and you're getting pulled in two directions. Most 4YO can navigate a playground independently, but you have all the "look at me!" while you're trying to keep the 18MO from doing who knows what.

It's OK if not everything is fun and it's fine to admit that some stuff is really a pain. Agree with others that you need to keep your expectations low. And kids don't need much to have fun. Buy some sidewalk chalk, a bubble machine. Make cookies or bread, give them each their own bowl and don't worry about the mess (I admit this one is hard for me and I was gritting my teeth the entire time).

My (now-ex) DH would take the older one on longer outings and I'd hang back with the younger one, or vice-versa. That really helped and the older one loved getting one-on-one time with either parent.

I have to remember to enjoy certain fleeting moments more than complete experiences. Like there are days where my favorite time with one of my my kids is when she snuggled up against me after throwing a fit over something exhausting. But I just try to remember the sweet snuggles and forget what happened before.

When we go out to eat, we delight over the 10 minutes that our kids happily interact while we sip margaritas, and then just grin and bear it through the 30 minutes of trying to get them to eat any of the food we ordered and prevent a fight over who is sitting where.

I will say the one activity that can sometimes result in an actual complete enjoyable experience is hiking or other outdoor activities. Toddler in the backpack carrier, easy hike so preschooler doesn't get too exhausted, bring lots of snacks, make an agreement with spouse that neither of us will look at our phones during the hike, include a destination like a waterfall or a beach so there can be a beach and playing, make sure to go first thing in the morning when everyone is in a relatively good mood and not overtired or starving. It doesn't always work but it has a much higher likelihood of working than most other activities we do as a family.

And other than that, I just try to stay in a kind of mindful state that allows me to enjoy the little moments of humor, love, sweetness, and tenderness in between the chaos and exhaustion.There will come a day when my kids aren't so prone to tantrums, whining, and fighting (hopefully, if we do our job right). But at that point, I probably won't get the unique joy of having a sweaty and happy 3 yr old pass out on my lap after sharing an ice cream cone and watching fireworks. Don't let the tough stuff overshadow all the good stuff. It's there.

It was honestly a terrible time for me. I had 3. Just grin and bare it. Put them in school as soon as you can.

Once they are about 7 or 8 it's so much better. So much. I am loving life with teens.

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing fun with young children. Just get through the day and enjoy the alone time hour at the end of the day.

I hope this is sarcasm
Otherwise wow I feel sorry for your family

My kids are now 6 and 3 but we’re not too far removed from that scenario. First…6 and 3 are soooo much better. So you’re almost out of the woods. But my kids (then and now) usually just like being silly and making messes. When mom and dad are silly and also make messes, it’s fun for everyone.

Painting, family collages with lots of cutting and gluing, making piñatas. Sometimes we take dark baths (in total darkness) with glow sticks and Disney music. Lots of suds. Honestly, anything where they can absolutely destroy themselves and my house is a big hit.

Mine are 5 and 2 and lots of things are enjoyable. Just not for hours and interspersed with non fun moments. You also have to know your kids and set them up for a good time and lower expectations. The pool is a lot of fun. DH and I both go and if grandparents come its even better. Morning breakfast (outside) at a diner is fun. My kids like pancakes and behave well there and we know all the servers since we have gone there since before they were born. Hikes are fun too as long as they are not too challenging. We have a strict schedule and get out of the house by 8:30 (7 for breakfast) and do lunch as picnic or at home and nap/quiet time. I wouldn't take them for an adventure in the afternoon as they are both crankier.
If nothing is enjoyable for you then its something, either your attitude, kids are consistently not comfortable so overtired, hungry, also anxious etc. 1.5 is also pretty tough but the 4 year old should have things they consistently like to do by now. .

Anonymous wrote:Just have low expectations. I also think keeping to a strict nap, bedtime and eating routine helped.

This. And I also plan things outside. Not just because of the pandemic but my kids are better behaved for some reason and tire themselves out really well.

There is nothing fun with young children. Just get through the day and enjoy the alone time hour at the end of the day.

Just have low expectations. I also think keeping to a strict nap, bedtime and eating routine helped.

I realized that there are very few things that are enjoyable to do with my young children (4 and 1.5). Everything that seems like it could be fun - going out to a restaurant, going to the playground or pool, going on vacation, etc. are really just stressful. I’m wondering if there are things you do with your children that are actually fun for everyone. I would hate to look back and feel like I unnecessarily just suffered through this part of life when things could have been fun.