I would act confused and ask the question: “Friend A, I don’t understand, do you plan on meeting up with us?”

You should schedule it for a month out and include her. She may have said not to wait to be polite, but if she's worth your friendship, then wait and do it all together.

Or maybe she is managing as a way of assuaging her own guilt about backing out -- like if she gives you guys specifics to ensure that you meet, she doesn't have to feel guilty about not being there?

Definitely strange, my first assumption would be that she was still in work mode and so managing you without being fully aware she was doing it.

Totally bizarre, but if she is in high work mode she might just be in this default pattern of deciding and controlling and optimizing and can't turn it off. If it's out of character and you are close I might make a joke of it.


This is a good point that had not crossed my mind.


She's also feeling a tiny bit left out.

We would have happily deferred getting together for a month (the time period she said she would be busy), but she was opposed to that idea (probably trying to be nice). But you are right, she may still feel a tiny bit left out.

Anonymous wrote:

Totally bizarre, but if she is in high work mode she might just be in this default pattern of deciding and controlling and optimizing and can't turn it off. If it's out of character and you are close I might make a joke of it.

This is a good point that had not crossed my mind.

She's also feeling a tiny bit left out.

Totally bizarre, but if she is in high work mode she might just be in this default pattern of deciding and controlling and optimizing and can't turn it off. If it's out of character and you are close I might make a joke of it.

This is a good point that had not crossed my mind.

Totally bizarre, but if she is in high work mode she might just be in this default pattern of deciding and controlling and optimizing and can't turn it off. If it's out of character and you are close I might make a joke of it.

That is totally bizarre.

I am mildly annoyed by something a friend did, but want to check to see if I am being irrational. Three friends, one of them being me, were trying to schedule meeting up. Friend A had to back out (due to being busy at work for the foreseeable future - totally fine and no problem). However, she is trying to dictate where friend B and I shoukd meet up (e.g., you guys should meet at this location and this time, and this would be best for you for X, Y, and Z reasons). I feel like this is controlling and weird. I know there is no choice but to ignore, but would you be mildly irritated for receive such an email?