Anonymous wrote:2) Noticing the small things and complimenting them. Not big accomplishments but little ones, like "I saw your brother took your toy and you thought about getting angry and then didn't. Thanks for that. I saw it, and I appreciate it."

I took a parenting class that recommended this. Next step, they said remove the "thanks for that" or any "good job" that you might be temped to follow up with, etc. Just point out the positive behavior and leave it out there for the child to draw their conclusion.

jsmith123 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By being happy to see them after we've been separated. I literally say, "Hi! I'm so happy to see you!"

And by encouraging them to try things that are hard, and to perservere. Then I can remind them of when they worked hard at something difficult and eventually got it.

The best advice I received on this site was to act delighted to see your kids after separation. I have done it ever since and it's wonderful to see their faces light up when you tell them how happy you are that they're home.

I never really thought about it in terms of self-esteem but it's certainly been good for my relationship with them.

I've started trying this when I pick my toddler up from daycare. She is a generally easy child but has been having some behavioral issues. It seems to help her attitude a lot.

Letting them fail and letting them know you love them.

Picture books often model great lessons about overcoming challenges and can be referenced when your child is facing a similar obstacle.

I would avoid saying, "Oh you know how to do this," when kids are trying to do something they've done in the past such as coming to a difficult word when reading or performing a task. Some kids take more time to recall things or are feeling nervous. Instead you can remind them of their past success, and then suggest a strategy: You did so well making your bed yesterday. Do you remember the first step? Remember we start by...

By not worrying about it, praising effort instead of achievement and knowing the child well enough to know how much to push when it’s worth it to teach resilience and stamina. But over all, by not obsessing about it like a certain type of parent, because that makes things worse.

Anonymous wrote:In your experience what are the basics of raising a child with healthy self esteem and self confidence?

They need to feel capable. That happens when they contribute and persevere through failure.

I think that a lot of people talk about "doing for themselves" as building self esteem, and my kids do a lot for themselves, but I feel like the thing that builds my kids up the most is doing things for other people. So, for example, my kids usually pack their own lunches when they have school or full day camp, and that's fine, but cooking a meal for the family, I think has a bigger impact on their sense of themselves.

By teaching them or helping them learn how to do things for themselves and then letting them do it. Like chores, schoolwork, sports and games, the arts, yardwork, etc. People feel good about themselves when they can accomplish things, take care of themselves, contribute to the household, and be independent.

Anonymous wrote:By being happy to see them after we've been separated. I literally say, "Hi! I'm so happy to see you!"

And by encouraging them to try things that are hard, and to perservere. Then I can remind them of when they worked hard at something difficult and eventually got it.

The best advice I received on this site was to act delighted to see your kids after separation. I have done it ever since and it's wonderful to see their faces light up when you tell them how happy you are that they're home.

I never really thought about it in terms of self-esteem but it's certainly been good for my relationship with them.

Interesting topic OP.

I think we should treat kids as capable people, and give them things to learn and accomplish as they're ready.

It can be more work to let your 5 year old "wash dishes" but it let's them feel like they're contributing and feel good about that.

My 4 year old told me she was "nervous" about riding the pony last weekend. She watched someone else do it then when she was done I told her she was brave. I also told her that me and her daddy get nervous too but then we are brave and we end up having fun.

By being happy to see them after we've been separated. I literally say, "Hi! I'm so happy to see you!"

And by encouraging them to try things that are hard, and to perservere. Then I can remind them of when they worked hard at something difficult and eventually got it.

This isn't the be-all and end-all, but two things I try to do:

1) Make sure my child has experiences that are challenging but doable. Set them up for success by making achievable goals and supporting them on their journey.

2) Noticing the small things and complimenting them. Not big accomplishments but little ones, like "I saw your brother took your toy and you thought about getting angry and then didn't. Thanks for that. I saw it, and I appreciate it."

In your experience what are the basics of raising a child with healthy self esteem and self confidence?