I think the burden falls upon the actual children. If the SIL or DIL want to help, that’s a bonus.

There are many posters on this site who don't even think adult children are obligated to care for their own elderly parents. So it does come down to the human relationship they have developed over years. Very personal and subjective. This is not a court of law.

I think you asked in a biased way, because you brought up them having other adult children. Sounds like you think it falls on them.

People can render compassionate care to strangers. Nurses do it everyday.

No. They should not be required to care for their in laws, or pay for them.

Will they, can they... maybe and that would be a plus in their favor a very generous offering.

My friends husband is in between jobs and he took a month off of looking for a job to help care for her father. That was nice of him, should he do it, no he should not be required to do that, he was nice to offer.

My FIL needed help when he tore his ACL was I required to care for him over the weekend. No. But I did it to be nice.

As parents age, though, a professional trained in care should actually care for the elderly... bed sores, the chance of hurting your back or falling or having a heart attack while trying to do the work a nurse should do it high. The best case scenario is that a trained person care for the elderly IL's.

Anonymous wrote:Depends,

I would never ask my husband to do this for my mom who treats him like dirt. I’d do anything for my ILs who have done so much for me and treat me like their own daughter, and have already provided physical care when needed.

Yea, my mil hates me. We pay some of her bills, and just went in with BIL on a car for her when her old one bit the dust, but I don’t see doing personal caretaking when she thinks I’m the devil’s spawn.

Only question is "can" and "will", not "should".

Depends,

I would never ask my husband to do this for my mom who treats him like dirt. I’d do anything for my ILs who have done so much for me and treat me like their own daughter, and have already provided physical care when needed.

It takes a village. If the in-laws are local and have a good relationship sure. A neighbor could fill the same role.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they can. What a dumb question.

You sound charming. The OP didn't ask if they 'can'. The question was if they should.

There are no “shoulds.” It’s very context-dependent.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it depends on the individual people and their relationship. DH and I met in elem. school. From the time I can remember his parents treated me like one of their own and vice vesa. We’ve lost 3 of our 4 parents. We both continue to take care of my dad.

This. Also, culture definitely plays a role. In some traditional cultures everything falls on the DIL and I am not going to open a can of worms there because it is a complex discussion where there is too much risk of not being culturally sensitive. I will just say too often the DIL because the dumping ground for everyone and she is treated quite poorly.

Depends on the situation. If one has the time/resources/distance to do so, and they are otherwise decent people, then yes absolutely.

It's the kind thing to do. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Honestly it depends on the individual people and their relationship. DH and I met in elem. school. From the time I can remember his parents treated me like one of their own and vice vesa. We’ve lost 3 of our 4 parents. We both continue to take care of my dad.

Yes, they can. What a dumb question.

Depends on the people involved. Obviously there is no single "correct' scenario here.

Should a DIL or a son-in-law be involved in caregiving to elderly ILs, if their spouse has adult and physically fit and healthy siblings?

This is not about my own situation. I overheard a conversation yesterday. The point of the conversation was that the son had adult siblings.

What do you think?

Yes? No?
Does it depend on personal choice, family dynamics, distance, work?

In my own family it was the adult children who were the caregivers to their parents, not the sons and daughters in law.