A casual shower doesn't have to be tacky at all. Some good food (doesn't have to be anything fancy or substantial), a few cute decorations, maybe one simple quick game if you think your friend would like that (or no games is totally fine too). If you want to avoid the awkward present opening thing you can request people bring their gifts unwrapped and just have a display table.

I would agree with the small, intimate shower at someone’s home to keep costs down. I would just make it a surprise or be clear you aren’t able to host a huge shower for everyone she may wish to invite. This works best if you have a group of mutual friends. And assumes it’s her first baby.

I also think a spa outing 1:1 is a great idea. Particularly if not her first baby.

Agreed OP just throw a small shower vs. the outing. What rules are you afraid to navigate? Have some drinks and food (appetizers are great) and cake or cupcakes.

Don't worry about the shower rules. If it's her first baby, hold a little party (5 good friends is fine) and call it a mini-shower. You don't have to go all out and invite her family and everyone she knows, just say you want to do a small little mini-shower for your immediate friend group to celebrate.

Traditionally showers have lots of “rules” but IMO no one follows them anymore…just like weddings.

Is it a first baby? I’d be a bit sad if it’s my first baby and my friends planned something that wasn’t a shower. For a subsequent baby no need to do anything.

I want to do something fun with my friend to celebrate the arrival of her baby. Ideally I’d throw her a shower but it seems like there are a lot of rules about what’s acceptable and what’s tacky when it comes to showers. I did not grow up in circles where that’s a thing and I’m not equipped to navigate all that. I was thinking brunch or a spa day or one of those craft studios where we could make something for the baby’s room? I’d like to have a few ideas and ask if she would like to do any of those things. I could invite a few other girlfriends along too. Or is that weird and I should just send a gift and be done?