Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite. I am a very even tempered man with a wonderful but hot headed wife who yells anytime she is frustrated.

I have started yelling back. It is the only language she understands when angry.

Yelling back at her is not ok; I’m not saying it is, but it could be a form of abuse.

As for her - you said it is in her nature. Maybe her yelling is a legitimate form of communication among her culture?

Furthermore, there are her hormones to consider (not to mention pregnancy, which wreaks havoc on your emotions; you can’t control it).

YOU need to keep yourself under control, PP.

My husband is a yeller. He’s intense and extremely impassioned in general and when he is mad he raises his voice. I think it’s the only way he feels like he’s being heard.

He’s in therapy now working on this as he feels guilt over it. Honestly, though, i find it is more annoying and ridiculous than scary or mean.

Mine is similar minus the therapy. He feels he is just expressing himself, that's how he is. I point out his expressing himself intimidates and silences me. His response is that I need to stand up more for myself. It's a huge issue. He's aggressive, pushy, and I'm deeply conflict averse. He nominally agrees to therapy but just sees it as me trying to change him rather than establish vs healthier form of communication . And the times I do yell back he tells me to stop being hysterical.

If I had know this I would have never married him but he never yelled when we were dating .

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite. I am a very even tempered man with a wonderful but hot headed wife who yells anytime she is frustrated.

I have started yelling back. It is the only language she understands when angry.

+1. yelling can go both ways op.

I'm a woman. I really don't like yelling at all. Yes, it intimidates me. Yes, it hurts me. I don't know if I'm just a wimp or what, but I feel a little like I'm a cartoon character getting blown away by the yell lines.

Tighty whiteys are too tight… 🤣

My husband is a yeller. He’s intense and extremely impassioned in general and when he is mad he raises his voice. I think it’s the only way he feels like he’s being heard.

He’s in therapy now working on this as he feels guilt over it. Honestly, though, i find it is more annoying and ridiculous than scary or mean.

My stepfather was like this--it's a control thing. The women aren't listening, I'm not getting my way, so I have to terrorize them in order to get my way because I'm the man.

My ex did this to me in front of our kid. It was traumatizing for me and the kid. Ex is bipolar and not committed to meds and therapy.

In our case his excuse is: “you made me yell, you made me mad (when you asked about the XYZ)”

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what you mean by identity issues, but my dad is a narcissist. He yells at the women in his life when he thinks someone else is listening and he can grandstand about how he’s the victim of evil wives and children. It’s all lies, but his audience doesn’t know that.

I'm certain seeing a guy yelling at his family would not make people sympathetic towards him

I’m not sure what you mean by identity issues, but my dad is a narcissist. He yells at the women in his life when he thinks someone else is listening and he can grandstand about how he’s the victim of evil wives and children. It’s all lies, but his audience doesn’t know that.

My H did this and he had PTSD.

I’m the opposite. I am a very even tempered man with a wonderful but hot headed wife who yells anytime she is frustrated.

I have started yelling back. It is the only language she understands when angry.

^I mean unresolved identity issue

If you are a man who yells frequently at your wife, girlfriend, SIL, MIL. What’s behind your behavior? Or if you are a woman who are yelled/humiliated in your children’s presence, what do you think is behind that behavior?
Do these men have an identity unresolved issue?