Anonymous wrote:Actually, no kids is great. Kids are 2500/month and suck up every free second of your time, plus work time. You have no baggage. You will be FREE and more marketable.

This.

You've never had a dream OP? A business you wanted to start? A talent you've developed that you feel could be a great start-up? A product you want to launch? A set of countries you want to travel to?

Go forth. Once you have your kid (which women easily have in their late 30s) - you will not have the time or patience for any of that.

Anonymous wrote:My stepdad was where you are. Divorcing an alcoholic at 35, with no kids to show for it.

Well, a few years later, he met and married an awesome woman with two little kids. Instant family. He got to do the dad thing, and now he's doing the grandpa thing, and he never had to do the newborn thing, which some might see as a gift

He's 75, very happy, in a loving marriage, and surrounded by 5 grandkids who adore him. You never know where your life will take you.

Very sweet.

I knew I wanted to divorce at age 32, but made sure to have a child. Best decision ever, then had my second at age 36 with current husband.

OP you are young! You can make your world whatever you like.

I divorced a bad man at 42 (filed when I was 40 and it took a hellish 2 years to finalize). I will never be completely "free" of him and his abusive ways though because of our DC. I had DC at 39. Co-parenting is a total nightmare and I feel terrible that DC has a crap father. Being a parent/raising a child in this type of situation is awful and something I never imagined for my or my future child(ren)'s life when I was younger.

OP, I know it is very hard to see the upside to your situation right now, but TRUST ME, down the road you will be thankful you did not have children with him. You can make a total, clean break and move forward with healing. Divorce is so incredibly hard in any situation, my heart goes out to you OP, but the good thing is that you will not be tied to your toxic exH forever through children.

If you don't already have one, find a good therapist and start your healing journey. You have your whole life ahead of you at 35 and so many possibilities! You don't believe this now, but give it time. Give yourself time and space to grieve, but don't lose hope.

Sending you a lot of love and hugs.

My stepdad was where you are. Divorcing an alcoholic at 35, with no kids to show for it.

Well, a few years later, he met and married an awesome woman with two little kids. Instant family. He got to do the dad thing, and now he's doing the grandpa thing, and he never had to do the newborn thing, which some might see as a gift

He's 75, very happy, in a loving marriage, and surrounded by 5 grandkids who adore him. You never know where your life will take you.

You’re 35 with no kids and no money? Do you work?

I'm 48 OP, and started my "life" at 35. You are still young!

So when does the party start?

Thank goodness you didn’t have kids with him! Your life isn’t over, it is just beginning.

Get yourself a therapist and focus on yourself for at least a year. Why did you stay so long in a relationship that gave you nothing? What are you going to do to give yourself what you want?

Now is the perfect time to think about boosting your career! Do you need to go back to school? Are there credentials that can help you move up the ladder? Professional activities you could be more involved in? If money is a problem, think about a second job, a side gig or monetizing your downtime by babysitting or dog walking or housesitting.

If you’re anxious about children, look into freezing eggs, and IVF and getting a health eval so you know what your options are. There is still time - many women don’t have kids until their late 30s. I had my first at 34 and second at 38. But my choice of husband/dad was terrible and we divorced when they were very young. What I wouldn’t give to be able to go back and make a better choice in father for them!

You still have a chance! Look at this as the opportunity it is!

So then you should be happy you aren’t wasting even more time. I was divorced at 31 and remarried at 35. A bit younger but not by much. You get a chance for a do over. Take it.

35 is so young
Good for you that you are taking this huge step to set your life right.
Focus on yourself and what will make you happiest.
Good luck and congrats!

No kids during divorce is key. Easier, faster divorce. No strings or attachment to bad man. You can start over, if you want to.

35 is still young.

And I had my 1st at 35. Some do at 40.

Actually, no kids is great. Kids are 2500/month and suck up every free second of your time, plus work time. You have no baggage. You will be FREE and more marketable.

And I’m ready to give up on life. I wasted my youth and fertility on a bad man. And I have nothing to show for myself. No kids. No family. No money.