I am going to say that men often whine about their wive's earning and earning potential. A big issue is that they HAVE to step back because the man isn't doing his 50% of childcare/housework/emotional labor of running the house.

I'm female and don't have that issue, but if a wife is overburdened, they are going to step back. Men rarely step up.

I'm so glad my husband was supportive when I moved from a law firm to public interest. My hours were crazy and the travel was nuts. Sure, I make less, but I'm not being treated for tachycardia anymore.

Anonymous wrote:$75k, assuming I also make $75k. I'd never expect a spouse to make more than me.

+1. $75K is the minimum number for me at this point (we are both 40). I think it would be about $50K if I was in my 20s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what my husband does with himself and his degrees after his student loans are paid off! He feels the same about me and my degrees!

Okay and what about your kids student loans, the cost of a house to support that family, and everything else associated with it? Not to mention retirement.

We will make it work. We don't own a home so have flexibility to move. We think that at least one kid will attend a service academy. We both like our careers so we expect one of us will always have some type of paycheck. Growing up, our family members survived on public school teachers' salaries, so we don't think that stratospheric DCUM-level wealth is necessary. The key is that we are on the same page.

If (s)he takes this lower earning job, does that mean they have a more flexible schedule and are more available to be with the kids and family? Are they okay with being the primary parent/main housekeeper while I take on more demanding work? Are they willing to change their lifestyle to go along with a lower income?

I would not, for example, be okay with someone who wanted to be a high school teacher and football coach. The hours are long and inflexible, and the pay sucks. If they also expected me to finance living in a nice suburban home, I wouldn’t have it.
I would, however, be fine with a physician spouse who elected to do chart review instead of clinical work, had flexible hours, and was okay with living in a blue collar neighborhood.

Anonymous wrote:It's context dependent. Assuming we can cover our bills my initial reaction is "whatever that line of work pays in the government at a GS-14/15-equivalent level" because I think that's a reasonable work/life balance job with decent benefits. But the discussion changes if that means the other spouse is trapped in a high-stress job because the first won't work more/aim higher, or if the spouse who wants to have a more leisurely job does the lion's share of kid/house work, or any medical or mental diagnoses are at play, etc.

+1

I have exactly the same view. My spouse may be taking a pay cut for just that reason, and that was pretty much how I thought about it when we were discussing just how much of a pay cut was a dealbreaker.

It's context dependent. Assuming we can cover our bills my initial reaction is "whatever that line of work pays in the government at a GS-14/15-equivalent level" because I think that's a reasonable work/life balance job with decent benefits. But the discussion changes if that means the other spouse is trapped in a high-stress job because the first won't work more/aim higher, or if the spouse who wants to have a more leisurely job does the lion's share of kid/house work, or any medical or mental diagnoses are at play, etc.

75-100k. I expect a spouse to make the same amount of money as me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what my husband does with himself and his degrees after his student loans are paid off! He feels the same about me and my degrees!

Okay and what about your kids student loans, the cost of a house to support that family, and everything else associated with it? Not to mention retirement.

You and your spouse have to get on the same page on these hugely important issues. Not every partner will value those things in the same way (my DH and I do not). So thinking about this in terms of salary level is totally unhelpful if, for example, you want to retire to a huge house in Naples and he wants to roam the country in a portable tiny house. You have to share some kind of vision that will underpin how you might get there financially.

$75k, assuming I also make $75k. I'd never expect a spouse to make more than me.

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what my husband does with himself and his degrees after his student loans are paid off! He feels the same about me and my degrees!

Okay and what about your kids student loans, the cost of a house to support that family, and everything else associated with it? Not to mention retirement.

I don't care what my husband does with himself and his degrees after his student loans are paid off! He feels the same about me and my degrees!

Anonymous wrote:$150k

+1

$150k

Just as quick poll — assume your spouse has theoretically high earning power in a high-stress field, but just doesn’t have passion or nose to the grindstone work ethic required to realize that full potential. He or she finds a job that gives him/her the balance that makes them happy, with work they find fulfilling. This job pays substantially less than what they could make elsewhere. At what salary point would you stop being happy for them and start wanting them to earn more? Assume a couple of young kids, living on east coast.