Anonymous wrote:It’s OK for the spouse to go out to bars without me.

It’s about trust.

At a certain age, going out to bars is just kind of gross. Middle aged spouses at bars without their spouses is really gross.

He was constantly going out. His job involves networking so constant dinners / banquets / meetups were all plausible. However, he became a bit defensive when I asked if I could join him, which triggered a red flag....

Pre pandemic he went out one night a week with friends, and I went out another night a week with friends, then we'd go out together once or twice a week. Some weekends one of us would do something with someone, but mostly weekends we'd get together with other families.

So once or twice a week was our comfort level.

DH has band practice for a few hours on Sunday. Sometimes he’ll jam with a friend Fri night or Sat afternoon. But he tries to time it so he leaves a little before DS’s quiet time (2 hours) and is usually home around the time it ends.

It’s OK for the spouse to go out to bars without me.

It’s about trust.

A dinner out or special outing with friends, maybe once every couple months. A vacation with friends, maybe every few years. That is what is reasonable IMO, but our reality is neither of us do this except for the very rare occasion. I’ve never been on a trip without spouse and maybe get together with girlfriends a couple times per year

Does this question include work dinners or just dinner with friends?

We both do once a month on the weekends, maybe once every other month on weekdays. I would be fine with more.

I'd never tell him not to go out and don't have to. He does his fair share around the house and with the kids, plus he's very supportive of me going out with friends when I want to.

I think the key is having a spouse who is a real partner. Mine would simply never go out so much that it would become a problem for me.

Anonymous wrote:We don’t go out without one another that often.

We go out often usually alone together or with group of friends.

Yeah. My mom and dad didn’t do separate girls’ guys’ out or vacations without one another.

We don’t either. My husband isn’t a golfer and frankly weekend days have always been filled with kids’ sports’ games. We go out together after those- just the two of us, with friends or all get together impromptu on somebody’s’ porch.

I’d think it was weird if my spouse was going out without me often, especially if it was to bars.

We don’t go out without one another that often.

We go out often usually alone together or with group of friends.

When our kid is sleeping (ie after 8pm) as often as he wants. We do two date nights a week - if we don’t have other commitments, he could go out the other five nights after 8pm if he wants.

If it’s earlier? Once a week max, and every week would start to grate on me.

On weekends, if we don’t have other plans, we each have a morning and an afternoon to ourselves (different days) while the other one is on kid duty. He could go out for both of those times every week if he wanted, barring other plans.

Basically, do your half of the kid stuff plus spend at least two nights a week with me, and honor any plans we (jointly) make, and beyond that, do whatever you want!

7/31. I don't parent my spouse.

One night a week for a guys night and one full day golfing. Feels like a lot to me.

Either at night after work or on the weekends?