Reason 5602 why reconciliation is a waste of time.

Just do your kids a favor and don't act like this is some great thing and then trash their dad when he's dead and you have the new boyfriend and the love you always wanted.

Yes, it's you being petty. Your husband still is a cheater who broke your vows every other day of the year and this will still be true even if you have a vow renewal. This is either you trying to further punish him /guilt-trip him or further punish yourself seeking sympathy and pity , perhaps both.

either way, it's silly and petty, and pretty damn ridiculous since you decided to reconcile. So get to reconciling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe renew your vows and make that your new anniversary?

This.

This is a lovely idea. Another date could be if you can think about what day you decided to stay vs. leave, that’s the anniversary that gets you to 20 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are roughly in the same situation. Spouse found out about me on spouse's birthday and ever since has made clear that spouse won't celebrate the birthday and doesn't even want to be around me on the birthday. There's no getting around this, and I sort of get it, so I live with it. Every year the birthday just comes and goes.

I say I "sort of" get it only because I was never one who cared about my birthday or anniversary or holidays etc. Every day is the same as any other.

If you don’t care about birthdays I’m assuming living with it isn’t hard at all, right? So why do you say you “sort of” live with it?

I didn't say I sort of "live" with it. I said I sort of "get" it. Meaning I don't really "get" why people get so into birthdays and anniversaries in the first place.

I "totally" live with the situation regardless because I'm the one to blame.

Oh sorry, I misread. But when people say they live with something it sounds like they are accepting a hardship. But I guess that’s not your case.

It's a reminder every year, which I don't like. So yes it's a hardship and one I have no choice but to accept it.

Can you celebrate instead on the day you met or your first date?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are roughly in the same situation. Spouse found out about me on spouse's birthday and ever since has made clear that spouse won't celebrate the birthday and doesn't even want to be around me on the birthday. There's no getting around this, and I sort of get it, so I live with it. Every year the birthday just comes and goes.

I say I "sort of" get it only because I was never one who cared about my birthday or anniversary or holidays etc. Every day is the same as any other.

If you don’t care about birthdays I’m assuming living with it isn’t hard at all, right? So why do you say you “sort of” live with it?

I didn't say I sort of "live" with it. I said I sort of "get" it. Meaning I don't really "get" why people get so into birthdays and anniversaries in the first place.

I "totally" live with the situation regardless because I'm the one to blame.

Oh sorry, I misread. But when people say they live with something it sounds like they are accepting a hardship. But I guess that’s not your case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are roughly in the same situation. Spouse found out about me on spouse's birthday and ever since has made clear that spouse won't celebrate the birthday and doesn't even want to be around me on the birthday. There's no getting around this, and I sort of get it, so I live with it. Every year the birthday just comes and goes.

I say I "sort of" get it only because I was never one who cared about my birthday or anniversary or holidays etc. Every day is the same as any other.

If you don’t care about birthdays I’m assuming living with it isn’t hard at all, right? So why do you say you “sort of” live with it?

I didn't say I sort of "live" with it. I said I sort of "get" it. Meaning I don't really "get" why people get so into birthdays and anniversaries in the first place.

I "totally" live with the situation regardless because I'm the one to blame.

Anonymous wrote:We are roughly in the same situation. Spouse found out about me on spouse's birthday and ever since has made clear that spouse won't celebrate the birthday and doesn't even want to be around me on the birthday. There's no getting around this, and I sort of get it, so I live with it. Every year the birthday just comes and goes.

I say I "sort of" get it only because I was never one who cared about my birthday or anniversary or holidays etc. Every day is the same as any other.

If you don’t care about birthdays I’m assuming living with it isn’t hard at all, right? So why do you say you “sort of” live with it?

We are roughly in the same situation. Spouse found out about me on spouse's birthday and ever since has made clear that spouse won't celebrate the birthday and doesn't even want to be around me on the birthday. There's no getting around this, and I sort of get it, so I live with it. Every year the birthday just comes and goes.

I say I "sort of" get it only because I was never one who cared about my birthday or anniversary or holidays etc. Every day is the same as any other.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe renew your vows and make that your new anniversary?

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe renew your vows and make that your new anniversary?

Pp here
I meant renew them on another day for a different anniversary and make the old anniversary a regular day that you try and forget any previous associations.

This.

Pick a new day. Tell your husband that for now, you want to celebrate on such and such date.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe renew your vows and make that your new anniversary?

Pp here
I meant renew them on another day for a different anniversary and make the old anniversary a regular day that you try and forget any previous associations.

Maybe renew your vows and make that your new anniversary?

Two years ago, on my wedding anniversary, I found out my husband had a month long affair with a colleague. The affair ended immediately upon my finding out. It was devastating for me. We are reconciling. My husband was/is remorseful and has put a lot of work into saving our marriage. We are in a good—maybe even better—place than we were before the affair.
However, I consider the anniversary of the day I found out about the affair to be the worst day of my life. It gives me PTSD just thinking about it. I don’t want to celebrate my wedding anniversary. Last year, I just told my husband I didn’t want to celebrate and he was sad but obliged. The Day came and went without any acknowledgment, per my request.
I honestly cry every time I think about it and don’t want to commemorate the date again, maybe ever. But is that being petty? Is it keeping us from moving on when we have in every other way? I don’t want to make this into a big deal, but I also can’t bring myself to celebrate a day that was so painful for me.
It’s been two years.
It will be our 20th anniversary next week.
Any thoughts? Do I just suck it up and do whatever he plans?