Op here. I think it got lost in my original post that she asked me to meet with her.

She then wrote last week that she “looks forward to talking”. Did she just feel she had to say that?

I don’t usually ask her to watch my kids (this one day was a favor and I’d hoped she knew was free to say no). The challenge I’m having (compared to past au pairs) is our kids (9) tend to walk to each other’s houses / have play dates. The last au pair liked having my DD over and thought it made it easier. This one I think does not and I hadn’t realized that. So she’d go over a lot and I didn’t know it was a problem.

I’ll back off / stay silent for now. I’m just very confused since she raised having a meeting and followed up initially and since has dropped it. It’s hard...we were both at school pickup yesterday and I got my kid and she got hers and my DD was wondering why we didn’t walk together / say hi etc.

You shouldn't have asked her to watch your kid.

But to all the other PPs - the OP said that the Au Pair asked for a meeting in person, not her.

Stop talking to her. You asked for a favor, it didn’t pan out. What is there to talk about. FWIW she sounds flaky. Get a different babysitter.

For people taking offense, several families in my neighborhood have au pairs and they sometimes spread the word that their au pair is available to babysit to make extra money. So OP talking to the AP about babysitting is not unheard of or rude.

Anonymous wrote:You cannot ask someone else's au pair to watch your children. Full stop. THis is a violation of the rules and she has every right to ghost you. You need to talk to your friend and apologize to the au pair and never do that again. You are taking advantage of her.

THIS!!! Omg lady! What the heck?!

You are entitled and rude. She is not your childcare provider and it’s a violation of the terms of her program to babysit your kid. Also stop asking her for an in person meeting. You have a job? Well she does too.

Just move on. You seem oddly involved with this person.

If you need to arrange a playdate, just text as normal. She obviously doesn't care about clearing the air, so stop trying to fix it. I would also not contact her for any babysitting or otherwise interact unless absolutely necessary.

I think I would step back for a bit and only reach out if you/DH are will to transport and host your child's friend.

Oh my god, lady! Just drop it! How can you not see this? Are you autistic? THat's the only reasonable explanation I can come up with for why you can't read this situation.

Stop talking to this woman. Just leave her alone.

Just let it go. Give your friend (the mom) a call and say you're really sorry - this is the relationship you need to preserve. Give even the friend lots of distance/space. The au pair will not watch your child. You don't need to meet her.

Lesson learned for next time.

Yeah what? She’s not YOUR hired help. You need to step off. She doesn’t owe you anything as the friend of her employer. Talk about entitlement!

So not only did you try to guilt her into babysitting for you - knowing there's an imbalance in power because you're friends with her employer but you're pressuring her for a meeting/response in-person.

The answer is NO. Leave the poor girl alone.

I think it’s crossing a line to pressure another family’s au pair to watch your child.

You cannot ask someone else's au pair to watch your children. Full stop. THis is a violation of the rules and she has every right to ghost you. You need to talk to your friend and apologize to the au pair and never do that again. You are taking advantage of her.

She. Doesn't. Want. To. Meet. With. You.

You. Are. Harassing. Her.

Stop.

My DD’s best friend has an au pair. The mom in the family is a good friend of mine.

I made some missteps / did some things that annoyed the au pair. The au pair suggested we chat in person rather than via text and I think that’s a great idea.

The problem is I think maybe one of the things that upset her was when I asked for a favor and she didn’t respond I wrote a few days later and asked if she got my text. I then wrote a few days later and said “can you let me know if you see this? I’m trying to figure out our plans one way or another”. I gather the au pair was upset that I had pressured her to watch my DD that day (and my DH thinks I should have understood the lack of response to be a “no”). For me, if she’d just said “that won’t work” to begin with I would have figured something else out. Anyway, I made other missteps too so I see how they piled up. I don’t think any are terrible (similar to example I provided) but I understand why she’s grumpy with me.

The thing is, she proposed a time I had a meeting. I proposed a number of other times and she’s gone silent again. Most of the times I proposed would require me to move a meeting / have some heads-up. The one she said “maybe, we’ll see” is for today. So for now we’re just avoiding texting her, arranging play dates etc and that’s not really tenable. I really would like to see if we can clear the air at all. My husband thinks she tends to forget or not realize I have a job. She seems to not want to meet during free-time (understandable) or when she’s watching the kids, so I’m not sure what to do. Do I arrange for my husband to watch the kids so we can meet?