My brother has something like paranoid schizophrenia but his mood is cyclical, so maybe bipolar. He will not get help and has not been diagnosed. He believes in fake things (like a Russian agent giving him a heads up about a terrorist attack, or that a young woman in Korea is in love with him, or that Dick Cheney ruined his life, or that he is invincible from things like coronavirus, I could go on). it rules his life. He hasn’t been able to get a job in decades, he was once very intelligent. I am grateful for the times when he seems normal. I’m always worried about when his mood will change again.

Do you have kids? If not, don't have any until he's gone through a lot of treatment and you've done at least a year's worth of regular marriage counseling. If so, get them into counseling even if it doesn't seem like they need it, and insist on family therapy and individual counseling for your husband too.

If he sought treatment and a diagnosis by choice, that's a good sign. If he didn't and you had to strong arm him into it, start saving as much money as you can and start thinking about how and when you will leave if you have to.

My DD. Young adult.
Life is hell most of the days.
Bipolar or borderline, they are still not sure.

I married a spouse with multiple personality disorders 15 years ago. (Diagnoses have changed over the years.) To say it has been difficult is a massive understatement. I would beg and plead with anyone I loved not to go down this path. It has wrecked my life, led to conflict throughout my formerly loving and close extended family, hampered my career. I will die earlier and with a lifetime marked more by conflict and stress than by joy because of the choices I made.

But OP, like me, is already there. And I do still love my spouse in spite of it all. Add children to the equation and it’s not so simple. They need me to maintain some semblance of stability, protection in the hard times, and to keep a deeply flawed person afloat so she can be the best she can for them.

Probably not encouraging for OP, but this is the reality. You’re looking and working really hard for tiny, small successes and moments of serendipity. You’re crying a lot.

Anonymous wrote:I suspect this to a great degree with a dad of kids friend I know. He was always friendly awkward but did something way off the wall for anyone and I still feel shaken. I am assuming that because it's a nicer consideration than the alternative.

What did he do? And what's the alternative?

My sibling has BPD. If you asked me a few years ago I would have said you are in for a really rough time with likely addiction and medical issues along with the mental health ones. My family thought my sister was going to die (multiple hospital stays for unexplained seizures, a really shady car accident where she should have been arrested, suicidal ideation, etc.). We had an intervention and she did intensive in patient treatment that wiped out her inheritance from a grandparent but saved her life. She still struggles but is like a totally different person- has a job she loves, hasn’t had a drink in 18 months, lives alone and pays bills, etc. Again this is a life long struggle but it can be managed.

I suspect this to a great degree with a dad of kids friend I know. He was always friendly awkward but did something way off the wall for anyone and I still feel shaken. I am assuming that because it's a nicer consideration than the alternative.

DH and I both have very close friends with bipolar. I have been friends with her for 24 years (middle school) and DH has been friends with him for 11 years.

We are able to still be good friends with them, but it takes patience and understanding. Our friends can withdraw for months at a time. they can put themselves in bad financial situations because of constantly moving jobs. They can get mad at us for reasons we don't understand. It isn't always the easiest friendship to have and there is def. more work on my part to keep it going (its normal for her to retreat and then feel bad about reaching out afterwards).

That said, she was the 2nd person I called when my dad died (DH was first) and one of the few people that I feel like I can be completely vulnerable with. she has trusted me with a lot of her mental health load, and in return, i trust her with mine.

DH's friend's BPD can be a bit harder to work with, as his mania is high and his lows are low. But DH is understanding that the disorder is not who his friend is and he's patient.

Things won't be normal. They just aren't with someone with a personality disorder. You make your own normal. I would recommend getting a therapist. It also DOES NOT make you a bad person if you have to put yours or your children's well being over that of your spouse.

I'm sorry to hear that, OP. Your DH is still the same person who you married. If he has had a similar personality during his whole life, your relationship will not suddenly change because of the symptoms unless they worsen, which hopefully won't happen (I'm not sure if it is a possibility with this disorder).

People's experiences with people with other disorders may not be helpful to you because the symptoms can be very different.

The best thing to do may be to talk to your DH and, if you can, a mental health professional.

I have severe PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder from domestic abuse. I am 4 years into therapy, but definitely a rocky road to manage it. It has changed many friendships. But I gained new ones.

I have found out some of the erratic behavior by friends is personality disorder related. I am more careful about who I make friends with now. I just can't get caught up in someone else's drama.

Anonymous wrote:OCD is more like an anxiety disorder than a personality disorder. A real personality disorder is just what it says - a personality problem, like narcissism, sociopathy, or borderline personality.

I heard, not sure if true, some SSRI's are very helpful to treat. And maybe CBT and exposure therapy.

OCPD is different from OCD.

OCD is more like an anxiety disorder than a personality disorder. A real personality disorder is just what it says - a personality problem, like narcissism, sociopathy, or borderline personality.

I heard, not sure if true, some SSRI's are very helpful to treat. And maybe CBT and exposure therapy.

I have two close friends who are borderline personality disorder and I would strongly suggest NOT marrying someone with it. But OCPD is more manageable in a marriage IMO.

My brothers ex wife had borderline personality disorder. That is why they are now divorced. But she got engaged anew before they signed divorce papers so that one might work out.

Family/friend? How's that working out? Were you able to still have a good relationship?

DH was just diagnosed and I'm honestly a little freaked. This seems so much bigger than anxiety or depression. Is there a chance for something normal here? OCPD if it matters.