Affair. Just sex

Because women especially are told not to be "shallow" and will be alone forever if they are "too picky."

I would have rather been alone, so I was mostly single until I met my husband, but most of my friends who were always in relationships dated guys they weren't attracted to to "give him a chance" and see if they "became attracted due to his personality." Never worked out.

Anonymous wrote:The one time I did is because I listened to other people instead of my gut. I thought maybe I should give him a chance, that I was too picky etc. It was one of my biggest mistakes.

I did this in my 20s. Thought maybe I was too picky so I dated a bunch of woman trying to see if that was the case and I should settle. I was laying in bed next to one thinking how empty I felt and how it wasn't fulfilling, and how this lady must feel. I gave up dating for about a year. Figured if the right one came along I would date her, but wasn't going to do what I had been doing anymore. Glad I met DW, made me realize that I wasn't being picky. That was 22 years ago

There are other things I like about them. They are funny or kind or bring out parts of me that are funnier and better than I normally am.

Plus, as someone else said, most men aren’t really that attractive and don’t put much effort into being more attractive. If you are only willing to date really good-looking, charismatic guys, then you are going to seriously limit your dating pool. Plus, most of those guys are boring one on one.

I guess that’s the why part. I’m not sure that I understand the “how” question.

Anonymous wrote:This is a female issue. Straight men will not date women they don't want to bang.

This is true. Men will not women they aren't attracted to physically. Full stop.

Women put a lot more weight on non-physical traits such as personality, character, income/career

Was the best person I had ever dated. We got along really well. Was objectively quite attractive. I just didn't feel chemistry but like the pp thought maybe it would build over time. We are divorced.

This is a female issue. Straight men will not date women they don't want to bang.

Because 80% of women are attracted only to the top 20% of men. Simple math shows that majority of women need to date a man she is not attracted to.

I was going to turn down the date as there is no attraction at all, nada, zero. But he was so polite, and an all round nice guy at the office. Not even sure why I accepted to go on a date.

24 years later we are still married and it is the best decision I made in my life. Surprisingly find him more attractive now than ever.

Attraction does grow. But there has to be some to begin with.

Really bad advice that attraction grows and stability is the most important thing.

I felt like my clock was ticking, he was very kind, smart, had an impressive career, reliable, supportive and was not hideous - like a solid 7/10. I thought if I dated him long enough that I'd become attracted to his personality, but after 3 months I bailed out. Thankfully I married someone who I am VERY attracted to.

The one time I did is because I listened to other people instead of my gut. I thought maybe I should give him a chance, that I was too picky etc. It was one of my biggest mistakes.

*Caveat: money/status aside

Make it make sense. I genuinely don't know how people do it.