Thank you all! We will convert the bunk bed to two beds. I’ll try the suggestion of leaving him for briefs periods until he gets used to being alone

jsmith123 wrote:Are they both actually tired at the same time? If not, that may be an issue. We only moved my youngest into the same room as his brother after he dropped his nap so they were both legitimately tired at bed time. If we'd tried before that it would have been a disaster because he would have been keeping his older brother up.

The other thing I'd recommend is proactive check-ins at bedtime.

DH puts them to bed and says: I'm going to come back in in 5 minutes to check on you. And he does that a few times. This worked really well with my kids who just liked the safety net of knowing someone was coming back for them.

This has worked for me with 3 kids,. We co-slept until they were around 2-3 years old, and then transitioned to their own beds with this method. I would make up a quick errand like getting something from another room, using the bathroom, making a lunch, etc, and say I'll come right back. Then I (or DH, whoever was on duty that night) would come back. We gradually lengthened the time and they did well, knowing they could trust that we would come back, even if they fell asleep first.

OP, as for your dilemma with the bunk bed, I really wouldn't put a 4 year old up there, and my kids have bunk beds. Is it possible to put them both in the bottom bunk? Can you put the crib in the boys' bedroom and keep the younger one in it a little longer? Being on top is even more isolating, especially for a kid who is scared to be alone. The perspective is completely different, and he can't even see that his little brother is in the room with him.

Are they both actually tired at the same time? If not, that may be an issue. We only moved my youngest into the same room as his brother after he dropped his nap so they were both legitimately tired at bed time. If we'd tried before that it would have been a disaster because he would have been keeping his older brother up.

The other thing I'd recommend is proactive check-ins at bedtime.

DH puts them to bed and says: I'm going to come back in in 5 minutes to check on you. And he does that a few times. This worked really well with my kids who just liked the safety net of knowing someone was coming back for them.

I came on here to say that. The idea of a scared 4 year old in a bunk bed gives me nightmares.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your replies. The older one is almost five. They’re very mature and the bunk bed is safe (it has high solid sides). However, I see your point that being in the top bed may create further anxiety. Fortunately, we can convert the bunk to two single beds. However, they will still need to share a room. So I guess the problem will continue…

The law says six for a top bunk. He could jump. Even if you think he won’t, he might if he is panicking.

It's only been a few nights. Get them really tired out during the day for a couple days and see if they start sleeping better.

Thank you all for your replies. The older one is almost five. They’re very mature and the bunk bed is safe (it has high solid sides). However, I see your point that being in the top bed may create further anxiety. Fortunately, we can convert the bunk to two single beds. However, they will still need to share a room. So I guess the problem will continue…

4 is too young for the top bunk- but especially if he needs an adult to snuggle. You cannot sleep train a top bunk 4 yr old. Bad idea on many levels

Poor buddy. Sorry, OP, no advice. It’s a tough one. If the older one is still frightened, I would probably keep him with his dad for a little while longer (not what you want to hear, I’m sure). Four is little, though.

A four year old isn’t safe on a top bunk, but particularly not one with an anxiety disorder.

I’m sorry for the typos. I didn’t proofread what I wrote

Hi,
We have a four yearold whi is scared of loud noises (smoke detectors in particular) and a 18 month old. A few months ago our four year old got traumatized after the smoke detector in his bedroom went off. Long story short he has been sleeping with dad since then because he used to wake up screaming he notices he is alone.

He was doing fine so we decided to finally transition our toddler from his crib in our bedroom to the lower bed in the bunk bed. We decided to move the oldest one to our room temporarily while the toddler got use to it. After two weeks we moved the oldest to the top bed and after a couple of days it’s been a disaster. They wake up each other throughout the night or cry at bedtime calling for my husband’s attention (he does bedtime).

Help!!!! Any advice is appreciated