Anonymous wrote:

It sounds like you want him to join the new club because you don't like the way the coach acts. He wants to stay because he wants to stay with his friends. If it's truly an abusive coach then you should leave regardless of what your son wants. If it's more stylistic and not having a negative effect on your son, I would let him decide

The coach was really mean at times, but sometimes he was very nice to my son (on an individual level, he was generally frustrated with the team as a whole). But, we've had good coaches at this team in the past, so my son's thinking is that we will in the future. Plus he says he does not care, that staying with his friends would be worth dealing with this guy.

It sounds like he has his mind made up. If so, pull out. Your DS doesn't want to play with that team, but there are other players down the list who do, and if he keeps going forward, it is delaying their opportunity. Now if he's even a little wanting to consider it, then you should let it play out.

It sounds like you want him to join the new club because you don't like the way the coach acts. He wants to stay because he wants to stay with his friends. If it's truly an abusive coach then you should leave regardless of what your son wants. If it's more stylistic and not having a negative effect on your son, I would let him decide

The coach was really mean at times, but sometimes he was very nice to my son (on an individual level, he was generally frustrated with the team as a whole). But, we've had good coaches at this team in the past, so my son's thinking is that we will in the future. Plus he says he does not care, that staying with his friends would be worth dealing with this guy.

It sounds like you want him to join the new club because you don't like the way the coach acts. He wants to stay because he wants to stay with his friends. If it's truly an abusive coach then you should leave regardless of what your son wants. If it's more stylistic and not having a negative effect on your son, I would let him decide

Anonymous wrote:What if they keep asking you to come back but you still haven't heard anything ? For weeks of practicing with team.... Unlike OP, my son would very much like to play for the team.

Surely, there must have been some indication if they ask them to come back, no? Maybe take it as they are under consideration. Are there official tryouts? Maybe they have to wait until that is sorted out to give you an offer or not. But for weeks, it would seem they are not sure if there is room or if they fit. I would guess most coaches would not invite back for weeks if they know they are not a possible fit, but I could be wrong. Maybe try talking to the coach?

[quote=Anonymous]I hope you are not going to let your child be yelled at and berated. I am not saying that some kids need some influence but a coach can get a point across in other wats. For those of you wanting to jump on the (that's what is wrong with kids) i played in Europe as a kid. No coaches did not scream and yell at us. [/quote]


I let a verbal abuser coach my son too long in rec/low level travel at u10 and u11. That stunted his development a bit. At u12 tryouts, a prospective club coach asked "was he yelled at a lot by his last coach?" Biggest regret of our soccer odyssey to date... We stayed with the caustic coach because we were in a small town that had one team. Jerk coach took the u10 rec team and entered them into a regional travel squad. It was basically all the kids in one grade who would eventually play HS together, so the boys were all friends. Mid u11 we wanted to bail but if we did, that would have made the squad short a player! Jerk coach wouldn't bring on extra players from outside his little fiefdom, thus zero subs!

I hope you are not going to let your child be yelled at and berated. I am not saying that some kids need some influence but a coach can get a point across in other wats. For those of you wanting to jump on the (that's what is wrong with kids) i played in Europe as a kid. No coaches did not scream and yell at us.

OP here. Thanks. I've been pretty unhappy with his coach this year (a lot of yelling at/berating the team generally, vs. my son specifically), but I guess he will likely not have the same coach if he stays at the club. I will let him pull out of further tryouts for the new place.

What if they keep asking you to come back but you still haven't heard anything ? For weeks of practicing with team.... Unlike OP, my son would very much like to play for the team.

OP- I ALWAYS have let my sons decide themselves-- which has meant they were at different Clubs this past year. Your kid has expressed almost zero desire to want to move to this Club so I would bow out. Why waste time?

Anonymous wrote:I don't think he needs to finish the tryout. If he knows he will definitely turn down any offer, it is a waste of everyone's time.

I agree.

I'd have him go. He may like that team or that coach. Even if he doesn't, it may be a good experience

Anonymous wrote:I don't think he needs to finish the tryout. If he knows he will definitely turn down any offer, it is a waste of everyone's time.

+1 Let him drop out. Let the coach pick someone else.

I don't think he needs to finish the tryout. If he knows he will definitely turn down any offer, it is a waste of everyone's time.

I'm a little confused--the first sentence to me made me think he already has the invite to join the club. Or are you saying he was simply invited back for a second look?

Sorry, did not mean to be confusing. It is definitely different than the way our current club does tryouts. Some people are invited back to play with a team to see how they will fit in, and some are not. He got the invite after the first open tryout, but we were told people also sometimes get them after the second open tryout.

He says there is only a 5 percent chance he would take the offer and move if made, so he thinks it is a waste of time. He feels that no matter whether it is a better team, he would rather just stay where he is, because the social aspect is what makes it fun.

I'm a little confused--the first sentence to me made me think he already has the invite to join the club. Or are you saying he was simply invited back for a second look?

Anyway, my gut says that if he said he doesn't want to waste people's time and since he was very clear bout why he wants to stay I think you have to respect that.

After the first tryout, my son got an invite to come back and play with a team for the club he was trying out with. However, he now says that he does not want to change clubs because he wants to stay with his friends from his team at his current club (or possibly the teams below and above, he knows kids on all of them). That is totally fine, and I am not going to force him, but I think he should finish the tryout either way (meaning go to the second open tryout and then also take the invite to play with the team). At worst, he will learn a bit more about another club and style of play. He says he does not want to waste people's time. What is the better way to proceed/etiquitte here?