Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I was taken aback when I saw that other moms of young kids were planning to celebrate the day by not being with their kids. Sure, we all need a break now and then. But specifically asking to not have your kids around as the way to celebrate being a mother seems really odd to me.

How do the little children feel about this? I imagine this would have hurt my feelings when I was a child.

There is nothing odd about it just because you do things differently! How about staying in your lane and stop judging others. Btw, I celebrate with my kids and have my own time too! It is possible.

My kids are 2, 5, and 7. We will do something all together in the morning and then I will do something by myself in the afternoon. Little kids don’t think in terms of whole days. They will be excited to make me a poorly cooked breakfast with dad and then play a game. Then they will get distracted by their own plans and ideas and kind of forget it’s Mother’s Day. That is how little kids are. Their attention spans are short.

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and share joint physical custody. When we wrote the settlement agreement, we made sure that it explicitly stated that the children would be with mom on Mothers Day, and with dad on Fathers Day. Neither lawyer, the mediators, nor the judge raised questions about the desire of the parents to be in the presence of their children on those special days. The assumption seems to be that being with one's children on a special occasion or holiday is a positive experience that a parent would claim the right to, not a negative thing to be avoided. In fact, I wish now that we'd included language about each parent having the children for the parents' birthdays so that it were clear that I'd have my loved ones around on my special day. This isn't about martyrdom. It's about who you want at your side when you celebrate.

I see my kids every day, so I’m OK taking a spa day. I miss them every night. So I guess it’s clear that’s who I want by my side every day.

I'm divorced and share joint physical custody. When we wrote the settlement agreement, we made sure that it explicitly stated that the children would be with mom on Mothers Day, and with dad on Fathers Day. Neither lawyer, the mediators, nor the judge raised questions about the desire of the parents to be in the presence of their children on those special days. The assumption seems to be that being with one's children on a special occasion or holiday is a positive experience that a parent would claim the right to, not a negative thing to be avoided. In fact, I wish now that we'd included language about each parent having the children for the parents' birthdays so that it were clear that I'd have my loved ones around on my special day. This isn't about martyrdom. It's about who you want at your side when you celebrate.

Also it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Maybe mom sleeps in and then has a special breakfast that Dad cooks with the family and the kids give her the cards and crafts they made. Then Mom goes out with friends or for a walk or pedicure or Dad+ kids go out and Mom relaxes at home. Mom stays out for dinner but is home for a dessert treat the kids helped make/buy and to kiss them goodnight while Dad does the bedtime routine.

Mom can have more time away than usual without completely ignoring the kids. Or maybe Mom goes away the whole weekend and the kids celebrate her another day! That's ok too. I don't think most kids would be offended by that, and if they were a parent could say "on your birthday, we do X Y Z because you like it and we're celebrating you. On Mother's Day, Mom does A B C because she likes it and we're celebrating her." Not a big deal.

Whey they were little? Yeah, Mother's Day was about enjoying my kids.

They're teens now. For a number of years now we've all been extremely ok with the idea that my ideal Mother's Day is a day off from the mundane parenting stuff. They're not at all concerned that I don't love them just because I don't want to fix their snacks, referee their arguments, and/or entertain them for one 24 hour period.

You might want to save being taken aback for things more worthy of your time and attention.

It's a made up holiday that people can celebrate in whatever made up ways make them happy. If kids don't understand mom is getting a day to play by herself, that's on parents for explaining it poorly.

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I was taken aback when I saw that other moms of young kids were planning to celebrate the day by not being with their kids. Sure, we all need a break now and then. But specifically asking to not have your kids around as the way to celebrate being a mother seems really odd to me.

How do the little children feel about this? I imagine this would have hurt my feelings when I was a child.

You think that it would have hurt your feelings as a child is, on Mother's Day, your Mom wanted to do something that she wanted to do, that didn't involve you?

I hope you've since sought help for . . . whatever this affliction is called.

My kids wouldn’t care at all. They know I would literally take a bullet for them if necessary.

Hi from a retreat with my fully vaccinated closest friends! We are nurses and teachers who been through pandemic hell and will be home in time for Mother’s Day dinner with our families.

We’re enjoying hikes, hot tubs, and wineries. Enjoy your martyrdom and judgment. We don’t give a fig what you think of us.

Anonymous wrote:My family did this and I always felt fine about it. It's okay for kids to see their mother as a person with needs and pursuits other than parenting.

+1

I was confident my mother loved me. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to see her friends and do her own thing 1/365 days.

Anonymous wrote:As a mom, I was taken aback when I saw that other moms of young kids were planning to celebrate the day by not being with their kids. Sure, we all need a break now and then. But specifically asking to not have your kids around as the way to celebrate being a mother seems really odd to me.

How do the little children feel about this? I imagine this would have hurt my feelings when I was a child.

Why do you care? Do what makes you happy. We’re doing a family activity on Sunday bc we are finally fully vaccinated, but doing a Mother’s Day dinner the night before just with DH bc it’s more relaxing than with our toddler.

My family did this and I always felt fine about it. It's okay for kids to see their mother as a person with needs and pursuits other than parenting.

You’re one of these martyr moms.

Yes, some of us need just one day to not have to worry about everyone else. Sorry not sorry.

As a mom, I was taken aback when I saw that other moms of young kids were planning to celebrate the day by not being with their kids. Sure, we all need a break now and then. But specifically asking to not have your kids around as the way to celebrate being a mother seems really odd to me.

How do the little children feel about this? I imagine this would have hurt my feelings when I was a child.