Yes, generally people can make it work.

Supporting Trump is an exception.

- Moderate Democrat married to conservative Republican

My husband and I don't agree on everything but we agree on what matters most to me. He doesn't seem to care that I don't agree with everything that is most important to him. The biggest thing for us is that we can have amazing and respectful conversations about our beliefs. We aren't going to change each other, but both of us understand where the other one comes from.

How strongly does she care about politics? Does she bring it up often? Does she believe in conspiracies?

I'm married to a conservative (social and fiscal) who gradually leaned further and further right over the years. When we were dating I was a democrat, then I became an independent and still consider myself a true independent. H, on the other hand, kept moving right. His thinking is pretty black and white. He used to be a moderate on environmental issues, but has abandoned that in favor of mocking global warming concerns. He consumes right wing talk show mania all the time and is embracing conspiracies. Now he's anti vax as well. We have two young kids. I've set some boundaries for our marriage, but the struggle has been very real, very tough. If you're considering a serious relationship, one that might result in children, then think hard again.

OP, there's almost nothing in your post about what your values are, so I dunno about you and her. I know that I've been so grateful to have a spouse who shares my values. Values are expressed are by voting, yes, but also by spending money (potentially joint money), participating in political activities, and talking about current events with each other and your kids. If you think about doing those things with her and the two of you are in conflict, this won't work.

What exactly is the issue? You both sound like independent, right leaning conservatives.

My husband and I hold very different political views but we respect each other and have civil conversations about politics. We have been together 23 years. I think your relationship could work since you are an independent, which means by definition that you don't view the world in black and white.

This question usually comes from women pissed off about their conservative husbands.

In this case, if she's hot enough you can probably put up with any viewpoint.

Trump is an outlier and I can't blaming anyone for considering him a bridge too far.

But the difference between, say, Romney and Obama is so minuscule that only a narcissist could really be bothered if their partner differed on them.

Anonymous wrote:I am extremely liberal but I have good relationships with people in my family who voted T. I do not write people off because they voted for him. But I could not marry or have children with someone who enthusiastically supports him and his actions.

For me, this is about values. I see him, not conservative policies, HIM, as essentially evil. I can disagree with my spouse on a lot of things, funding for programs, expansiveness of immigration policy, whatever. Lots of stuff. I would have zero interest in trying to force compatibility with someone who had a different definition of evil as me.

Trump was a lifelong Democrat until he ran for president. I don’t consider him a true conservative.

I am extremely liberal but I have good relationships with people in my family who voted T. I do not write people off because they voted for him. But I could not marry or have children with someone who enthusiastically supports him and his actions.

For me, this is about values. I see him, not conservative policies, HIM, as essentially evil. I can disagree with my spouse on a lot of things, funding for programs, expansiveness of immigration policy, whatever. Lots of stuff. I would have zero interest in trying to force compatibility with someone who had a different definition of evil as me.

The fact that you are ok with dating her after finding out about her views suggests you can probably make it work because many people would have dropped her like a hot potato already.

Anonymous wrote:You guys don't really seem all that different. I must be missing something. It sounds like your issues are more 1. She voted for Trump because she votes for policies not people. Which you say you do too but clearly it bothers you that she voted for Trump

2. She supports cops

It seems that it's less about you guys have opposing views and more about those two things. Which only you can determine how big a deal ehty are for you.

OP here. The issue is Trump and there are some other views of hers I don’t agree with it.

The cop thing is not an issue. I do worry when we are out together or she’s alone because I know some people have attacked people wearing Blue Lives Matter stuff.

You guys don't really seem all that different. I must be missing something. It sounds like your issues are more 1. She voted for Trump because she votes for policies not people. Which you say you do too but clearly it bothers you that she voted for Trump

2. She supports cops

It seems that it's less about you guys have opposing views and more about those two things. Which only you can determine how big a deal ehty are for you.

It depends on how you think about politics. For some people, it's basically a game or a sports-team affiliation, so maybe you don't care so much. For others, politics are based on your fundamental values, and a conflict there can be a big problem. It can also be the case that a person's politics reflect their personality and character: their curiosity, empathy, capacity to learn, biases and willingness to question them, comfort with new ideas, religious beliefs, critical thinking, etc. Only you can know what's going on in your relationship.

My new girlfriend is a independent, mostly right leaning conservative. She does hold some liberal views, mostly social. I consider myself an independent and have supported both parties. I believe in voting for policies, not people. I didn’t support either party this past election because both were very problematic. My girlfriend supported Trump. She did not like his rhetoric, but supported many of his policies, and hates Hilary and Biden. She had many military and cops in her family is a big Blue Lives Matter supporter. She wears a ton of hoodies with the logo while going out. For the most part she is very anti-politician in general. She thinks neither side really cares beyond lining their pockets and getting power. She still thinks Trump was a great president policy wise. I supported some of his policies. I’ve never stand someone who was not as aligned with my political beliefs. Do you think dating someone who may hold different political values will be a problem longterm?